Aa
Best option...or selfishness?
alright... this is my first time posting on here... but i have a question for anyone that would like to answer...
i am 18 and about 11 weeks pregnant. the father of the baby is in the Navy, somewhere in Virginia, and not in the picture.
after the initial shock, my family is beginning to become more and more excited about it. but i, on the other hand, am not sure i can give this baby the best home in the world. i am considering giving the baby up for adoption, but i'm scared of the reaction of my family. this will be my mother's first grandchild, and she is the main source of the excitement. am i being selfish, or what?
i know i should have thought this all through before i decided to have sex, and i wish i could have taken it back, but i try to live my life with no regrets.
what do i do, and where do i go from here?
i am 18 and about 11 weeks pregnant. the father of the baby is in the Navy, somewhere in Virginia, and not in the picture.
after the initial shock, my family is beginning to become more and more excited about it. but i, on the other hand, am not sure i can give this baby the best home in the world. i am considering giving the baby up for adoption, but i'm scared of the reaction of my family. this will be my mother's first grandchild, and she is the main source of the excitement. am i being selfish, or what?
i know i should have thought this all through before i decided to have sex, and i wish i could have taken it back, but i try to live my life with no regrets.
what do i do, and where do i go from here?
I hope if he loves you it would not be a dealbreaker, but life is rarely as idealistic as we'd like it to be. You're doing good in considering everything but maybe just bring it up with him...see where he stands with it. Good luck Hon I know it'll all work out!
ashelen:
i have considered it. see the guy im in love with is my x of 3 years.. and hes a junior in college right now. he has 3 semesters left & then he is joining the coast guard. once he joins everything would be paid for and taken care of, but until then he is still dependant on his parents to pay for college--so he wouldn't be able to provide until the child was 1 or 2 years old. i guess thats my dilemna. im not really sure if that should be a dealbreaker or not.
i have considered it. see the guy im in love with is my x of 3 years.. and hes a junior in college right now. he has 3 semesters left & then he is joining the coast guard. once he joins everything would be paid for and taken care of, but until then he is still dependant on his parents to pay for college--so he wouldn't be able to provide until the child was 1 or 2 years old. i guess thats my dilemna. im not really sure if that should be a dealbreaker or not.
Adoption is not selfish, it is selflessness. So many people cannot have children and a lot of younger adults would just take the "easy" way out and have an abortion and your allowing your child to live, regardless with you or another family is a beautiful thing. You have time to think about your decision to make sure you are making the right decision for yourself and your child. If you feel you are just to young to properly care for a child or not responsible enough what your mother thinks isn't really something you can help.
I was 19 when I got pregnant but am fortunate enough to have a good relationship with his father. If you are nervous about not having the support of both parents, a ton of mothers and father do it alone and you have the support of your family.
This is your decision alone and you have time to think about it! Either way congrats and good luck, in my eyes either decision is the right decision!
I was 19 when I got pregnant but am fortunate enough to have a good relationship with his father. If you are nervous about not having the support of both parents, a ton of mothers and father do it alone and you have the support of your family.
This is your decision alone and you have time to think about it! Either way congrats and good luck, in my eyes either decision is the right decision!
you def are not selfish, like said already its your life and only you can make that choice. i got pregnant with my son when i was 17 of course his father left me, so it was just me, me and my mother werent close at all durin my teenage years but after i told her i was pregnant and after the shock and the tears, she was amazing. i gave birth one week after graduatin HS. i have never been so scared before i had all the same worries you do, i had no idea how i was goin to support my son and give him everythin he needs but as the months went on i jus kept fallin more and more in love and i kept tellin myself that i can do this, my son is now 9! you have ALOT of time to think about it and make the choice that is truly right for you..the other girls are right if you feel that you can not keep this baby maybe open adoption would be good for you, either way no matter what you choose itll be in the right. i think you should really talk to your mom about how you feel again like others said she just might surprise you, my mom sure did. best of luck to you :)
to worrieddd612: have you considered that when you marry the man you love the two of you could give your child a better home than you and your ex could? just a thought, but if you truly feel unable to care for your baby adoption is a very good option.
flammingofrog07: you are definitely doing the right thing by exploring your options. I agree with some of the other ladies here, maybe your mom would be willing to adopt your baby? I've heard of it happening many times when a woman is young sometimes the grandparents adopt the baby...in fact, my neighbor was adopted that way and her grandparents are the world to her, BUT she's also very close to her mom and grateful that she knew she wouldn't be able to care for the baby. I think that once you realize just how capable and loving you can be you may feel more able to care for your child, though. We all go through feelings of not being able to take care of our babies at first, I think. I'm pregnant with #2 and i STILL don't feel like I can do it, but i KNOW i can, if that makes any sense. You're doing the right thing by exploring all options and you sound like you will make the right decision for everything, you, your family, and your baby. If you choose to adopt, your family will accept the decision as being the best in time, even if they may be hurt at first to lose a new family member. Just pray and consider in your heart what you know is right. You have several more months to make the decision. Good luck and God Bless.
Also..I also agree with the ladies who say you may change your mind about this when you feel your little one move. it's...words cannot describe holding your child for the first time either. I had never babysat or even HELD a baby before my daughter was born, and I had so many anxieties and fear about not being a good enough mom (my husband was also laid off a month before my due date!) and I was terrified...until labor started and she became everything to me. Just take your time and listen to your heart, you'll make the right decision.
flammingofrog07: you are definitely doing the right thing by exploring your options. I agree with some of the other ladies here, maybe your mom would be willing to adopt your baby? I've heard of it happening many times when a woman is young sometimes the grandparents adopt the baby...in fact, my neighbor was adopted that way and her grandparents are the world to her, BUT she's also very close to her mom and grateful that she knew she wouldn't be able to care for the baby. I think that once you realize just how capable and loving you can be you may feel more able to care for your child, though. We all go through feelings of not being able to take care of our babies at first, I think. I'm pregnant with #2 and i STILL don't feel like I can do it, but i KNOW i can, if that makes any sense. You're doing the right thing by exploring all options and you sound like you will make the right decision for everything, you, your family, and your baby. If you choose to adopt, your family will accept the decision as being the best in time, even if they may be hurt at first to lose a new family member. Just pray and consider in your heart what you know is right. You have several more months to make the decision. Good luck and God Bless.
Also..I also agree with the ladies who say you may change your mind about this when you feel your little one move. it's...words cannot describe holding your child for the first time either. I had never babysat or even HELD a baby before my daughter was born, and I had so many anxieties and fear about not being a good enough mom (my husband was also laid off a month before my due date!) and I was terrified...until labor started and she became everything to me. Just take your time and listen to your heart, you'll make the right decision.
First let me commend you for trying to do something responsible...be it keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption. I think that giving the child up for adoption (if YOU are 100% certain that you can't provide the child what he/she needs) is a very mature decision. This is YOUR decision, not your mothers, uncles, sisters, best friends or anyone elses. I would like to suggest that you find a place like "sav-a-life" in your area and speak with one of their volunteers about this decision. They can help you in an unbiased way to determine what is best for you and your child.
With that said...you very well may make the decision to put him/her up for adoption only to realize as your pregnancy progresses that you want to keep this beuatiful life growing inside you. Whatever you choose I know you will do just fine. I had my oldest daughter when I was a month shy of turning 19, with my mothers help we did just fine. She is now a beautiful, intellegent 13 yo.
Again this is YOUR decision. Do what feels right to you, follow your heart.
With that said...you very well may make the decision to put him/her up for adoption only to realize as your pregnancy progresses that you want to keep this beuatiful life growing inside you. Whatever you choose I know you will do just fine. I had my oldest daughter when I was a month shy of turning 19, with my mothers help we did just fine. She is now a beautiful, intellegent 13 yo.
Again this is YOUR decision. Do what feels right to you, follow your heart.
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
