Cheating Wife please help

[Watsonxx]

I am out of the country since 2 months now. I am hearing rumors about my wife having an affair and sexual relationship with my cousin. I am terrified by this news. We have been married for 2 years now and dont have a kid yet.
I am going back to my country after 2-3 weeks.
I just wanted to know is there any way where in i can do a medical test to determine whether my wife had sex in the last 2 months or not??
Please reply as this is bothering me alot and i cant concentrate on work as well.

[specialmom]

Well, I feel so bad for you.  I'm really sorry she has let you down so.

You are definately loyal and I personally applaud that.  In our culture, we raise our girls to grow up and take care of themselves even though you would never know it by so many who choose never to do so.  They too need to be taken care of.  Unfortunately, most men are not willing to do it if they do not have you.  So I must comment on your worry of her being able to care for herself.  I think that shows you to be a kind soul.

Trouble is----  if she stays with you and you move her to Australia-----  and then you decide to leave her, you have a bigger problem.  She'll be away from her support system that she must have (friends, family of some sort).  Could you go to Australia and give this some time for you to think?  Also would be a great test of her desire to fix things as well.  You suspected this infidelity, you'd suspect another if she continues to wander.  I don't think that is ideal, but with you moving----  I worry about you taking her with you with so much doubt if this is going to work.

I guess you really do have to decide if you are going to work through this and stay with her or not.  You don't have the luxery that others who don't have impending moves have.  That is a complication.

But do not take this to your family------- other than your cousin.  I would tell him you know about it and are dealing with it privately and you'd appreciate it if he stayed away from your  home/wife.  You may forgive him or not.  Time will tell.

[Watsonxx]

Thank you so much once again for all the important advise.

I think i am getting to a conclusion, I am getting pathetic vision of them making out in bed with each other. I am just occupied by these weird thoughts.

After a deep though i realize and asked myself few Questions like -

1. Can i accept her and have a guilt and feel humiliated through out my life?

2. Will i ever be able to love her again?

3. Am i ever gonna feel like touching her again? When ever i would feel it, I know i would not be able to touch her thinking my cousin has entered her.

4. Finally, Would i be able to live without her?

So many Questions and the only conclusion is and my heart says to "LEAVE HER"

But i know for the fact the if i take this step then she mte end her life as she keeps running out of breath when ever i start questioning her..

I am **** SCARED because if i leave her chances are high that she might end her life because she would not be able to take the pain of seperation.

I am confident about this because i know her.

All i wanted to know from her is " WHY SHE DID THIS" but she never had aany answers to it.

Please suggest..As i Am probably on a verge of LEAVING HER..

I know it be a biggest decision as i really loved her more than anyone else in this world, I have been honest to her, I still love her but at the same time i cant accept what she did to me.

Please reply.

[GroovyDeeDee]

This is more complicated than you realize right now.  You have two choices, you can walk away from her, or you can stay with her.  Either way, you have to forgive her in order to set yourself free.  If you choose to leave her, you will still be suffering from the pain of her infidelity.  Your heart and your psyche will not heal just from walking away.  You have been hurt, traumatized just as if you were in an accident.  Leaving the scene of the accident will not make you better.  

When I was in your situation, I originally thought that leaving was the only option.  I thought my husband obviously didn't love me, and I would have to be on my own.  Once I realized he was willing to stay and help me work through it, I was able to start to rebuild my trust for him.  

It did not happen over night.  It's been a year and a half, and I still break down sometimes when visions of the two of them together pop into my head, But it is getting easier, and our love is stronger, more romantic, and feels more "alive" now.  

It's not an easy road . .. It takes complete and utter commitment on both sides.  

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now.  I know it feels physical, the insomnia, inability to eat, and stress can lead to real physical illness, so take care of yourself now, and I agree with everyone else - you cannot heal this relationship without counseling.  

Good Luck.  Keep us posted.  

[Londres70]

What do you normally do or how do you all normally deal with infidelity in your culture?  I definitely do NOT know anything about your culture to comment further in regards to how you should deal with a cheating wife within your culture.  I am basing my comments on what seems reasonable in the Westernized culture.  For example, we don't any longer publicly humiliate people or give lashes/whipping for infidelity.  I was wondering why you mentioned something about "telling the whole family" and "giving tight slaps to your counsin."  

As you said, infidelity is not accepted in your culture "at any cost."  With that being said, if you are devoutly following your culture's stance on infidelity, do that then.  If you aren't and she has threatened all the above,  I am not sure what to tell you.  I surely don't want to say she is bluffing and will not do this.  On the other hand, she might just be saying all this to keep you there.  Move to Australia and see how things go.  She will definitely have to prove to you she that she means what she has said.  In my opinion, I would be seeking counseling ASAP as soon as you all get settled in Australia.  Sounds like she DESPERATELY needs it, however, you BOTH need to go.  

[Watsonxx]

I am from Goa, India. Our Culture is really Conservative, Infidelity is not accepted at any cost.

I am going through insomnia, cant sleep at all thinking what both of them must have done in bed. It Kills me. I cant imagine my wife could sleep with my own cousin who is just 18.

I am relocating to Australia  next week as i have got a job there. I dont understand how would i be able to concentrate on my work.

The problem is i can't live with this guilt and humiliation neither can i leave her. I am in a terrible fix.

At the same time i have lost all the respect for her, I dont feel like being with her at all.

I am just too shocked and cant concentrate on any thing else in life.

I may have to give a deep thought about the whole situation and take a decision. I am only scared if i leave her she could go to an extent of killing herself. That's my biggest worry.

Thats the only reason i said i can't leave her.

She said she will never ever betray me, she needs a baby, she wants to be a mother, She even said lock me in a room, never let me out, don't give me a phone or internet, But please don't leave me as i will die.

I am thinking about calling my cousin home tomorrow and give him tight slaps and warn him to stay away from our life for ever.

Now what can be suggested about the whole situation?

Am i Still doing the right thing?

[RockRose]

Watson - what country/culture are you in?  I think there are nuances here I don't understand,  as Londres said,  why she needs someone to "take care of her".