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Intimacy a seduction an enticement to our bodies ---

---yet it rejuvenates that desire, we had for each other when we first met. Thinking about this, this is the everlasting soul of a good marriage. Could a person remain in a marriage where intimacy has got up and walked out over fifteen years ago? Medically this is draining and painful.
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134578 tn?1614729226
Hi, I think there needs to be intimacy in a marriage. I am talking about the bigger meaning of intimacy, not just sex (which is merely an offshoot of the overall intimacy a couple feels.) It sounds like you are talking about sex only, and complaining that it has left your marriage. (In fact, it sounds like you are saying that if there is no sex, the partner who wants it can justify leaving on the basis that it is "medically" draining and painful. I'd suggest that throwing "medical" into the mix does not add strength to the argument. It's not really medically a problem.)

If intimacy has faded in a marriage, it's often due to reduced connection. This can come from a couple having chosen each other to marry without really assessing whether they were a good match, but more often it comes from people being stressed and overworked. Sometimes it comes when one person is expected to do more work than the other, especially if their assigned jobs are the less-interesting and constant work (like the woman expected to hold down an outside job while doing all the housework and child care). If someone is in a marriage where they both still communicate sweetly with each other and care about each other, even if the sex has fallen away because of stress and exhaustion, the couple might not want to dissolve the marriage. Also, such things are often temporary. Couples can go through difficult times and find that they have a renaissance in their love for each other once the harder times are past or the kids are off to school.
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Annie Brooke thank you. Only I love my wife very much. What I was speaking to, was that my wife has stopped. She wants my attention, but not my heart. She wants us to be a marriage, a loving couple, but intimacy doesn’t knock at our door. Not anymore. Years. Intimacy is the soul of what makes a marriage stronger. Yes, but we are only strong because we love each other and in that moment of intimacy we are always ready for life together.  
"I love you but I'm not getting enough sex with you" is a perfectly clear statement, and treats your wife as an equal by you owning how you are feeling. Hiding behind moralizing lectures is a bit insulting, and way too indirect. If the lack of sex in your marriage is indeed becoming a deal-breaker for the marriage overall, go to a marriage counselor together. If she won't go, go alone. Then you can decide how much of a deal-breaker it is, and also she can decide if she wants to improve on the intimacy front or simply call it quits.
Been to THREE. Two were women, her choice. all three said the following. "some things are just not reconcilable." I suggested we see her desperately every other week and every other week we see her together. I though my wife then could speak openly and freely when I wasn't there; and when we were together we could discuss our differences with the  good therapist???  she won't let go, of the pass thoughts or feelings even from a child. I say let us start from today fall in love all over again. Today must be the first day of the rest of our lives. Yes?
the word is {Separately.}
Nobody can direct someone else to start from today and fall in love all over again. All you can do is tell her what is real for you. If the marriage will end if things don't change, she deserves to know that fact. If you are lonely and feel unloved, she should care to know, and at least be sorry. But she has agency. If she cannot bring herself to change even to rescue the marriage, well, she cannot. If sexual excitement is not in her heart, it is not. In your separate time with the therapist, you might spend some time talking over how to sanely and civilly end the marriage if it comes to that. That way you will be more prepared if worst comes to worst.
Annie Brooke, Thank you. I feel lost sometimes. And  it's unimaginably great, I can't believe how much I love the last part of your suggestion. The reason -- I have done just that. Also, I had asked my wife if she could consider, trying to fall in love again. I believe we could but only if  it doesn't matter which one of us was right, or wrong. We both agree now that . we only end up further apart . And she says, she does love me -- but listen  my heart it's no dummy - she wants me in her life. she does not work and we live on my income. Not a problem. not anymore. I want her and me to try again, Once we were great together. It was magical. Maybe, who knows, if we truly try. I’m up for it.  But then on the intimacy, meet me halfway at least.  It doesn't look good.  
If you together have always lived on your income, another question to check into is whether a divorce is something you could afford.

When one spouse provides the money and the other spouse manages the house and children without working at a paying job for a long stretch of time, financial support is usually required for the non-earning spouse in the event of dissolution of the marriage. The spouse that has been earning the money usually resents it, but it is not unfair in that the spouse that has stayed home has sacrificed workplace marketability by not been out all those years at a paying job. Society sees no value in creating a financial setup so detrimental to stay-at-home spouses. (And I'm sure it is not considered a social good for young women to realize they would be better off never marrying if marriage meant becoming less marketable to get a job in the future if worst came to worst.) Thus, alimony and spousal support are required in most places unless the two partners are financially equal. This means that if you are thinking about what it would take to dissolve the marriage sanely and in a civilized manner, along with the marriage counselor, another important person to talk to is your accountant.  
973741 tn?1342342773
I believe this is a personal question. For some, they can have emotional intimacy that parallels or even trumps physical intimacy.  For others, this would be unacceptable.  Marriage is not a one size fits all proposition and couples can define it any way that works best for them.  Happy can look different to different people.  But if you are unhappy with a relationship lacking intimacy, then it's not the right relationship for you.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Community Leader. Your thoughtfulness regarding what I try to convey here – it is with honesty, well it's heartwarming. I appreciate your thoughts. However, I do think you hit the Neil right on the head. Yes, I agree, my wife and I -- we do indeed have emotional intimacy, but especially now at our age. It makes me unhappy lacking intimacy -No, it's not right for me. How can it be right for anyone, you love your spouse, she understands that, but no intimacy? I’m still here waiting for her to hug me, it could be an emotional hug, or maybe even a physical hug. Still, I am her husband she is my wife. I know it is a sad story. Very.
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