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MY BOYFRIEND WONT LEAVE HIS MOM'S HOUSE
My 28 year old boyfriend of 3 years still lives at home with his mother and refuses to move out. He and I were going to move in together around 1 year after dating. His mother went on disability from work (she was a teacher) around the same time we planned on moving in together and he has opted not move out so he can be there for her. I felt it was ok for him to want to be there for his mother, and decided we could move in together at a later time.
Two years into our relationship I became pregnant with our son, we decided that we really should move in so that we could raise our son together and its because what we had always planned on doing. My boyfriend refused to move in with us when the time came, he instead wanted me and our son to move in with him and his mother. I didnt think this was the best idea, and refused to live with them. He told me that he refuses to leave his mother, the only way he would live with me and our son is if we all lived together.
He somehow feels indebted to his mother because she took really good care of him when he was a child. Although its honourable for him to want to take care of her its not reason for him to not want to leave, because it was her job as his parent to take good care of him. I tell him all the time that he is letting our son miss out on having both parents raise him together because he chooses to live with her and not us, but he points out that its my fault b/c I wont live with him and his mother.
I tell him we would help his mother whenever she needed, its not like we would be relocating, we would still be in the same city and she could call whenever she needs anything. I mean if she was critically ill or something then I would understand, but the majority of her health issues are because
she is an unhealthy and obese woman who doesnt do anything to make herself healthy.
Sometimes I think she makes herself seem sicker so she can ensure her son wont move out.
I love my boyfriend and I don't want our relationship to end over something like this...I just dont know what to do...
Two years into our relationship I became pregnant with our son, we decided that we really should move in so that we could raise our son together and its because what we had always planned on doing. My boyfriend refused to move in with us when the time came, he instead wanted me and our son to move in with him and his mother. I didnt think this was the best idea, and refused to live with them. He told me that he refuses to leave his mother, the only way he would live with me and our son is if we all lived together.
He somehow feels indebted to his mother because she took really good care of him when he was a child. Although its honourable for him to want to take care of her its not reason for him to not want to leave, because it was her job as his parent to take good care of him. I tell him all the time that he is letting our son miss out on having both parents raise him together because he chooses to live with her and not us, but he points out that its my fault b/c I wont live with him and his mother.
I tell him we would help his mother whenever she needed, its not like we would be relocating, we would still be in the same city and she could call whenever she needs anything. I mean if she was critically ill or something then I would understand, but the majority of her health issues are because
she is an unhealthy and obese woman who doesnt do anything to make herself healthy.
Sometimes I think she makes herself seem sicker so she can ensure her son wont move out.
I love my boyfriend and I don't want our relationship to end over something like this...I just dont know what to do...
My situation is somewhat like yours. Me and my boyfriend had been together for 6 years now. A year ago, I moved in with him and his mother. At first we used to get along very well but then she started to complain about everything and talk BS about me to her friends. My boyfriend is in a wheelchair. He gets ssi but that's about 500 a month and I only have a part time job so it will be much difficult to rent a place and pay bills. We both are going to college but we are in our second year. He keeps saying that he won't move out until he can pay everything and do not have to depend on anyone. The relationship with his mom is worse day by day, I really don't know what to do. My mom wants me to move back home or rent a studio but I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him.
Move in with him and his mum and built a life with ur partner its obvious you love him so do it for your child and get his mum to babysit while you go out with him. If then it doesnt Work im sure he will move out with u xx Good Luck xx
Move in with him and his mum and built a life with ur partner its obvious you love him so do it for your child and get his mum to babysit while you go out with him. If then it doesnt Work im sure he will move out with u xx Good Luck xx
I just noticed this thread is from 08. I would imagine our advice is dead in the water now. I wonder how it all worked out!
I get the feeling something is missing here. My final thought tho on what you are posting would be to tell you that it appears your bf is just not that into you. Men usually do what makes them happy and are selfish enough to take that road, whatever it is. It seems to me that you bf is using his mother as an excuse to stay in his comfortable environment and is not as much concerned with his responsibilities as a father, or his mother for that matter, rather his own self. NO ONE is that generous! Sorry, the bf is happy as pie to be where he is and does not want to move on. Who is paying the bills for his sons livlihood? I bet its not him.
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