Mother who doesnt love me

[autum]

My mother who I have lived w/ with out my father being in the picture since I was two, I have not had a mother/daughter relationship for 5 years now.  This is sick but here it is: when I broke up w/ my son's father, my mother got with my sons father's father. In other words its my son's grandpa....  anyways one night I went to her job to see her and she asked to get my son for two days...  well those were my days off and I wanted to see my son... so i said could you get him another day or so, because I want to spend time w/ him..  well she got pissed and threw my son's father's visitation papers in my face by saying ill take you to court! I wasnt being mean or anything, I just said I wanted to see him those days, she wanted him on....  I just said could you get him after or before those days...  then she really broke my heart by saying that so we didnt talk for a while... then I tried talking to her again, but she was just using me for info...  after that... my sons father kept on going to court (w/ his dad and my mother) saying those were his parents...   she was on their side...  anyways..after five years I tried having a mother/daughter  relationship w/ her again, and then my son came home from their house, all screwed up..  he is 7yrs old...  I didnt know what was wrong w/ him, but come to find out they messed w/ his head some how... he was going to therapy for a couple of times... because he would cry all night until 5am in the morning, he stayed depressed, he told me he wanted his grandma(my mother) to be his mom, and when i was goin to die!  So I told my mother, his grandpa, and dad(which they all live together) that I was keeping him for two weeks to get him in routine again for school, since he wasnt doing so well..  (by the way when they took me to court for grandparents rights, even though they got him every weekend, they then were only allowed visitation every second week sat 9am to sun 5pm...)  it wasnt even their visitation time...and they got all pissed starting stuff...  now my mother treats me like ****...  I asked why she was treating me like this and she is saying it is my fault...  what should I do??  this is just a brief summary...there is alot more going on..

LOST and Lonely
Autum

[autum]

To clarify:   My son's father, I never married him, we were just dating when I had my son, and then we broke up; so I was never married to him.   My husband now, which is my first husband/marriage, he has known me and my son's father ever since I was 16.  Actually the funny thing is, my husband was mine and my son's father's boss.  I ended up marrying my boss..lol  I have known him since I was 16 and been friends ever since.   So I have only been married once.  

Autum

[cowgirlnerd]

Confused - in the beginning you said you weren't remarried, then later, you said your husband (step father), not important - just don't understand the whole picture, I guess.

Hang in there.

[autum]

Yeah, Im recording all phone calls...and its hard not to pick up the phone and give a little piece of my mind...Im very outspoken, and I dont just sit back and watch...but right now im limiting phone calls, and the phone calls that he does get I record...and  then I take my son  in the room and sit him down and ask if he as any questions, or anything he would like to talk about.. it seems to help...  the phone call today really upset me...all my so called mother could talk about to day is me...and how Its my fault for everything...  Momma did this...momma did that..ect ect...  Well right now I dont have money for a lawyer, but the beginning of the year, I will have insurance that pays for my lawyers, and I only pay 4 bucks every payday...  Im trying to be strong...  It just hurts knowing she has turned out the way she has, and she is literately mentally abusing my son...  It just upsets me, that im working my behind off and taking care of all 3 of my kids...    Im not remarried...  I was never married to my son's father... he was a trouble maker and he went to prison due to not paying his probation...  and I was not going to sit and wait for him, I was young, I had my son when I was 17 and I knew that I had a life and was fixing to have another life to take care of... so I went on with my life..  I dropped out of school in 9th grade, so I went and got my ged, went back to college...  I had to drop out for a while due to money issues, but I am not back in college to finish my education...  My main concern is my kids, and its hard knowing someone could manipulate a 7year old the way he is..   it was about a month or so ago when he was in the crying mood..  he cried for a month straight almost....  he wouldnt go to sleep until 5am...  then he was peeing on the floor!!!  also saying he wishes I would die so my mother could be his mom...  he didnt want to live here anymore...  he is always sad...  I didnt know what to do.. I took him to the doctor, and the doc said try sleeping w/ him...  so i let him sleep in my bed... it didnt work at all!  my son was even lieing! he never lie's to me.  He has also got in a fight at school!  This is not my normal 7yr old.. he has always been a happy baby...pestering..lol  and always acting like a clown..  he does what he is suppose to do...  very independent... get his own drinks,  food, ect..  says yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir ect.   He has completely changed due to this...  the theripist hasnt really helped him...  so I took it upon me to try something and it worked..he went to bed at 3am...then 1am...then midnight... now he goes to bed between 9pm and 10pm with no problem usually..   he also had a mental thing, when he was upset he would go to the restroom a hundred times...he was not peeing... he just tried to make hisself pee..  during all of this...you think my mother helped any??? No!  I was working 5:30 in the morning until 2pm or later...sometimes 6pm then coming home maybe with a couple of hours sleep...and I did that everyday...  even on the weekends when I had my one day off, I was up with him all night..  My husband who is disabled tried to help, but nothing would work...  if it wasnt for my husband (step father) I dont knwo what I would do...he helped me 100%...  His daddy was no help!  he came over one time during all of this...    But yeah, I am going to go try counseling...my doctor wants me too... so ill try..  I have had nothing but tragic things in my life...  like last sept. or oct. my great aunt who I love died, then my friend/family died ..committed suicide, then my uncle died 3 days after my birthday in dec....  then my best friend since childhood who I was with since kindergarden died february 6th of this year...   Its been really hard...  plus now im dealing w/ this...  
Im just taking it a day at a time...some days its harder than others....  but my husband (first time married too..  and only marriage)  has been there for me...  he has been there threw thick and thin for me...  

Autum

[MrsOckert]

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that would never trust what a therapist has to say.  My husband has two sons that have lived with his mother since the divorce.  10 years now.  She has never followed the visitation, never done anything to promote a healthy relationship with his sons.  Has in fact told them to lie to him about various situations.

Has told the oldest son he was abused by his father.  Oldest son goes to therapist.  Therapist has to report it.  Husband has been investigated THREE TIMES.  Son was told his father beat him with a 2 x 4.  

It was a paddle and he was spanked not beaten.  Youngest son is angry.  Exwife can't deal with anger.  Son must go to therapy.  Therapist has never asked to see my husband or what his side of the story is.  But he is always the bad guy.  Everything is is his fault.

If this child is being taken to a therapist by his grandparents and his father I can only imagine what they are filling his head with.  It wouldn't surprise me to hear that they are lieing to him.  It happens.  Lots.

[blessedmomof3]

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I was going through something similar. My mother was not w/ my ex and does not take his side, but the ex and his whole family would mess with my kids' heads and they would come home angry, depressed and confused. I took the to counseling and after several sessions the couselor suggested I get an attorney alidem (sp?) It's an attorney to only repsresent my kids. Not me, and not the ex. Then the counselor also went to court and suggested my EX was not good for my kdis, and in fact dangerous (because my daughter had written suicide letters) The Ex no longer has visitation, unless I decide to give it to him, and it must be suppervised. I believe it is stated in the papers (Supervised visitation upon the custodial parent's discretion) Anyway, they have not seen him in 2 years (their choice actualy) and they are doing great! I left it up to them, and they don't want anything to do with him. He still pays child support but has no parental rights. Maybe you should hire your son his own attorney and see what the counselor thinks about going to court w/ you. I know attorney's cost money, but it's for your son's benifit.

[jo929]

I am not trying to be nosy, but are you remarried, and it is your 2 step children you refer to, if you are remarried, is there no way to move away from your mother, it is not normal for a child 7 years old to cry all night, or maybe that was when he was younger remember it is the child who needs his mom, and if you are remarried what does the stepdad think?  luck  jo