Aa
Please, I need an some opinions!
I have been with my boyfriend on and off since I was 18 and I'm 22, but he's 35. His age doesn't bother me, but I think his relationship to the girl he was with before me made him so untrusting. He thinks all females lie and cheat, probably the same way I used to feel about guys before I met him. He doesn't act real jealous or anything like that or always accuse me of cheating, but we talk about everything and sometimes when we're talking this stuff comes up. He says he doesn't want to ever live with me because he thinks I'll "just get sick of him after a little while". He has 3 kids with his ex and used to only see them once a month or less. I started thinking that he's not the dad I would want to have kids with, what if we broke up, would he want to see his kids? But recently since Ive been kind of pressuring him about this (I even told him I wouldn't let him be the father of my child so we would have to break up eventually) and now he's wanting to see his kids more. He has been taking them every other weekend and calling them during the week. But when I asked about his daughter's favorite color (her bday is this week and I wanted to get her a gift) he doesn't know. I asked what kinds of games she likes and what toys she likes and he doesn't know. I was able to tell him she likes baseball and soccer and I've only hung out with her a few times. He said he didn't know he was supposed to talk to his kids like that and I told him they're people too if he wants a good relationship with them when they're older they need to get closer now, so he said when they come over this weekend he'll actually talk to them instead of just going shopping and eating and letting them play etc. My questions are this- He seems like he's changing to be a really good dad and I've been thinking maybe this could be long term.... but do you think it's just because of my pressuring and maybe if we ended up with a kid and broken up he would be how he was before without me, or worse if he found a new girlfriend who didn't want him to be close with his kids? Or maybe he was reluctant to see his kids before because of his hurtful past with their mom? I am not naive, I don't believe in true love and I know people change, and while I can see myself being with him forever now, maybe he or I or both of us will be different in the future and not so compatible. We already fight a lot, but about stupid stuff and we usually only fight for a few minutes before we get over it. I am looking at this point for someone who will be a great dad to my child. I think if I plan to bring a kid into this world (which I'm not even positive about yet and would still be years in the future) it's my responsibility to give him the best life I can, including the best dad. I wouldn't really even care if I love the guy if I thought he would be a good enough dad, but do you think the guy I do love would turn out to be the father I hope for?
PS he said he doesn't even want anymore kids, three is enough. I was ok with that when I was younger but as I get older I'm changing my mind. I told him this and he said he would have one more kid with me, but not for a few years when his kids get older which is perfect because I think I'm still too young and I only want one kid. Now I am at the point I'm thinking I need to decide now to take him or leave him because it takes a long time to get to know somebody well enough to decide if what kind of person they really are (he still surprises me after 4 years) and it could take years to find somebody you like enough to even start a relationship with, so if I want a kid in 4 or 5 years I should have started thinking about this a couple years ago! If I'm wasting my time I can't afford to waste anymore. Please give me advice!
PS he said he doesn't even want anymore kids, three is enough. I was ok with that when I was younger but as I get older I'm changing my mind. I told him this and he said he would have one more kid with me, but not for a few years when his kids get older which is perfect because I think I'm still too young and I only want one kid. Now I am at the point I'm thinking I need to decide now to take him or leave him because it takes a long time to get to know somebody well enough to decide if what kind of person they really are (he still surprises me after 4 years) and it could take years to find somebody you like enough to even start a relationship with, so if I want a kid in 4 or 5 years I should have started thinking about this a couple years ago! If I'm wasting my time I can't afford to waste anymore. Please give me advice!
Ok the rights are VERY limited and usually have to be bought...literally as laws are not enforced equally,.
I said to talk to your dad and boyfriend to find out what they really went through, and LISTEN carefully to what they say and what they do not say. Most Americans do not listen very well they hear but do not listen.
Then talk to you mom, get her story. Then look up the old court papers. They say that we become our parents, if we are not careful. Are you sure that you won't beco,me your mom? Read everything you wrote, Read the parts where you became defensive and ask yourself why they bothered you.
Personally this quote alone would make me hesitate having gone through the bad stuff " I started thinking that he's not the dad I would want to have kids with, what if we broke up, would he want to see his kids?"
You go straight to how would it be when I broke up... Over what would my husband and I be willing to do if our marriage became rocky if we had kids?
History repeats itself, particularly in relationships, you come from a broken family so does he, age differences, experiences and mindsets are already against you.
Plus sometimes it is not the "willing to get me anything" but "what would I give up for my child and what would I fight to deny her" that is defining in whether you are a good parent and whether your children end up as spoiled rodents..
I wish you guys luck. I am sorry that you were so indolent that you did not look up the keywords I suggested as the related articles would have been good for you as well as surprising.
I said to talk to your dad and boyfriend to find out what they really went through, and LISTEN carefully to what they say and what they do not say. Most Americans do not listen very well they hear but do not listen.
Then talk to you mom, get her story. Then look up the old court papers. They say that we become our parents, if we are not careful. Are you sure that you won't beco,me your mom? Read everything you wrote, Read the parts where you became defensive and ask yourself why they bothered you.
Personally this quote alone would make me hesitate having gone through the bad stuff " I started thinking that he's not the dad I would want to have kids with, what if we broke up, would he want to see his kids?"
You go straight to how would it be when I broke up... Over what would my husband and I be willing to do if our marriage became rocky if we had kids?
History repeats itself, particularly in relationships, you come from a broken family so does he, age differences, experiences and mindsets are already against you.
Plus sometimes it is not the "willing to get me anything" but "what would I give up for my child and what would I fight to deny her" that is defining in whether you are a good parent and whether your children end up as spoiled rodents..
I wish you guys luck. I am sorry that you were so indolent that you did not look up the keywords I suggested as the related articles would have been good for you as well as surprising.
Why is it your business why my mom needed me or what happened with them in the custody hearing? Like I said, they left the choice up to me about where I wanted to live. If I had said with my dad the court would have granted custody to my dad, with or without my mother's accusations. These people aren't completely stupid, they know people will lie to a judge to get the results they want and as far as I know without proof or witnesses an accusation doesn't often hold up in court........... I really don't know how we even got to this subject from your declaration that men have no rights, they obviously do. You forgot to put the numbers for the deadbeat dads besides the percentages......... I'm also pretty sure every kid has a mom and dad- so for every mom there has to be a dad right? So if there are 289,000 deadbeat mothers out there, how many deadbeat fathers are there? LOL and I never said there aren't dads who take care of their kids alone or moms who are bad moms, I am not stupid. All I said is you highly exaggerate when you say men have no rights for their kids. Do you deny this? I hope you don't get upset about this whole conversation or take it too seriously, but we can talk as long as you want I love to hear the opinions of others about controversial things and I like to hear why they think these things- and hey maybe you can still change my mind about it. I openly admit I don't know that much about the subject, just what I've seen and experienced. You could be right for all I know, but I don't think so......
Yes, he told me he didn't want anymore kids when we first got together and I also didn't want kids. When I got older and mentioned I wanted a kid someday he said he would have one more baby with me, but in a few years when his kids are older. And I am happy the situation worked out for you and your husband, but this situation is different. My dad also was like your husband, actually he had a daughter older than me he has never even met. When I was born though, for some reason he was ready and has been the best father since. But I don't have to wonder if my boyfriend will take responsibility for a baby if we had one, I know he would because he did with his other kids. But to me there are things much more important than money. I'm not wondering what kind of kid's dad he will be to me, but what kind of father he would be to my kid..... does this make sense? Some of my best memories with my dad have been when he was laid off and broke. We would rent scary movies (the old ones) and make homemade popcorn (the kind you get a giant bag of for like a dollar and will last forever) and just hang out. We talked about everything, made fun of my spoiled step siblings. He put me and my sister before everything. Maybe I should have been more clear- having monetary support is important, but I also want a dad who will be able to create the kind of relationship with my child that I have with my dad. If I had a good enough job to pay the bills and put food on the table and clothes on our backs, I wouldn't care if he was a stay at home dad as long as he is loving and affectionate and attentive to his kids. Does this make better sense now? Maybe it would have been better to say a different kind of dad than a better dad.
And yet another post! This is the start of a post on Medhelp! Read all of the first line!
Boyfriend's Sex Drive
by ladylee, Nov 15, 2006 12:00AM
Tags: frequency, relationships, Kids, sleep, Work
My boyfriend has custody of his 2 young children and since the mother has taken off due to non-payment of child support and fear of being arrested, my boyfriend and I have very little time for love making.
Boyfriend's Sex Drive
by ladylee, Nov 15, 2006 12:00AM
Tags: frequency, relationships, Kids, sleep, Work
My boyfriend has custody of his 2 young children and since the mother has taken off due to non-payment of child support and fear of being arrested, my boyfriend and I have very little time for love making.
Here is another thought. Why did your mom "need" you? You do realize that if your dad is the person that you said he is the chances are that your mom tried to use an OP to get custody as it requires none of the burden of proof that most crimes do.
Just google deadbeet moms... It's not any secret.
Here is part of one article though...
Single dads are sick and tired of being labeled "deadbeats" when it comes to paying child support. And data suggest they have good reason to be upset.
The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts.
Census figures show only 57 percent of moms required to pay child support -- 385,000 women out of a total of 674,000 -- give up some or all of the money they owe. That leaves some 289,000 "deadbeat" mothers out there, a fact that has barely been reported in the media.
That compares with 68 percent of dads who pay up, according to the figures.
Men who are due child support are also getting tired of deadbeat moms' excuse that they can't pony up the money, and some courts have responded.
California lawyer Eudene Eunique in February was denied a passport because she was $30,000 behind in child-support. Instead of spending money on visiting her family in Mexico and on business contracts, the appeals court ruled Eunique�s money should go to her kids.
Here is part of one article though...
Single dads are sick and tired of being labeled "deadbeats" when it comes to paying child support. And data suggest they have good reason to be upset.
The percentage of "deadbeat" moms is actually higher than that of dads who won't pay, even though mothers are more consistently awarded custody of children by the courts.
Census figures show only 57 percent of moms required to pay child support -- 385,000 women out of a total of 674,000 -- give up some or all of the money they owe. That leaves some 289,000 "deadbeat" mothers out there, a fact that has barely been reported in the media.
That compares with 68 percent of dads who pay up, according to the figures.
Men who are due child support are also getting tired of deadbeat moms' excuse that they can't pony up the money, and some courts have responded.
California lawyer Eudene Eunique in February was denied a passport because she was $30,000 behind in child-support. Instead of spending money on visiting her family in Mexico and on business contracts, the appeals court ruled Eunique�s money should go to her kids.
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