Please, I need an some opinions!

[beautifulbritty712]

I have been with my boyfriend on and off since I was 18 and I'm 22, but he's 35. His age doesn't bother me, but I think his relationship to the girl he was with before me made him so untrusting. He thinks all females lie and cheat, probably the same way I used to feel about guys before I met him. He doesn't act real jealous or anything like that or always accuse me of cheating, but we talk about everything and sometimes when we're talking this stuff comes up. He says he doesn't want to ever live with me because he thinks I'll "just get sick of him after a little while". He has 3 kids with his ex and used to only see them once a month or less. I started thinking that he's not the dad I would want to have kids with, what if we broke up, would he want to see his kids? But recently since Ive been kind of pressuring him about this (I even told him I wouldn't let him be the father of my child so we would have to break up eventually) and now he's wanting to see his kids more. He has been taking them every other weekend and calling them during the week. But when I asked about his daughter's favorite color (her bday is this week and I wanted to get her a gift) he doesn't know. I asked what kinds of games she likes and what toys she likes and he doesn't know. I was able to tell him she likes baseball and soccer and I've only hung out with her a few times. He said he didn't know he was supposed to talk to his kids like that and I told him they're people too if he wants a good relationship with them when they're older they need to get closer now, so he said when they come over this weekend he'll actually talk to them instead of just going shopping and eating and letting them play etc. My questions are this- He seems like he's changing to be a really good dad and I've been thinking maybe this could be long term.... but do you think it's just because of my pressuring and maybe if we ended up with a kid and broken up he would be how he was before without me, or worse if he found a new girlfriend who didn't want him to be close with his kids? Or maybe he was reluctant to see his kids before because of his hurtful past with their mom? I am not naive, I don't believe in true love and I know people change, and while I can see myself being with him forever now, maybe he or I or both of us will be different in the future and not so compatible. We already fight a lot, but about stupid stuff and we usually only fight for a few minutes before we get over it. I am looking at this point for someone who will be a great dad to my child. I think if I plan to bring a kid into this world (which I'm not even positive about yet and would still be years in the future) it's my responsibility to give him the best life I can, including the best dad. I wouldn't really even care if I love the guy if I thought he would be a good enough dad, but do you think the guy I do love would turn out to be the father I hope for?

PS he said he doesn't even want anymore kids, three is enough. I was ok with that when I was younger but as I get older I'm changing my mind. I told him this and he said he would have one more kid with me, but not for a few years when his kids get older which is perfect because I think I'm still too young and I only want one kid. Now I am at the point I'm thinking I need to decide now to take him or leave him because it takes a long time to get to know somebody well enough to decide if what kind of person they really are (he still surprises me after 4 years) and it could take years to find somebody you like enough to even start a relationship with, so if I want a kid in 4 or 5 years I should have started thinking about this a couple years ago! If I'm wasting my time I can't afford to waste anymore. Please give me advice!

[megochick101]

I have two kids. Niether of which were planned. Me and my husband had no idea what to do with kids.  I would never have thought that my husband would have been as good of a father as he is because my husband wasn't even sure he wanted kids. But my son came along and my hubby completely changed. He took responsibility for him and yeah he didn't help me too much with the diaper changing etc but he worked extra hard so that i could stay home and take care of our child(which is what i wanted to do) he made the effort to provide for our family and before our son came along we both had jobs and both used our money for whatever.

That to me is a good parent. He sacrificed his wants to make a better life for all of us. And this was a man who would go out and buy and do whatever on a whim because that's how he was raised. Now he saves money, opened a college fund for the kids, and hasn't bought anything for himself unless it was necessary in 2+ years.

Sorry for the book, but i just wanted to give you an example that people can and do change.

And anyways, now that i re-read your first post i want to add this.

The guy told you he doesn't want anymore kids(and at 35 i'm pretty sure he knows his own mind by now) and you obviously want kids. If he does not want anymore kids then wondering about how good a father he will be in the future is completely useless. I mean he could change his mind, but I doubt he will.

[beautifulbritty712]

And I am curious, what percentage of mothers are deadbeat parents and what percentage of fathers? You seem to know so much about this, but I know several people who are single mothers with no support from the father but I only know 1 man who takes care of his kids without help, and their mom is dead. I would also like to know where you found these percentages, as I would be very interested to see them myself.

[beautifulbritty712]

wow what do you mean this time listen to them? this is stuff i learned from my dad. What am I so wrong about? I'm sorry for whatever bad experiences you had to make you feel this way, but this is my experience and my family's experience and my friends and their families have experienced similar things. So because you had a different experience than others that means you are right? I just asked my dad about it and he said his visitation was granted at the same time my mom's child support and custody was determined, he didn't even have to go back to court! How do you presume to tell me you know more about the laws of a state you dont live in, you don't even live in this country! Really say what you want, think you have no rights, and keep feeling bad for yourself. That will get a lot done.

[SeriousSam]

You have absolutely no idea what your talking about!  Talk to your father and you boyfriend and this time listen to them.

[beautifulbritty712]

sorry I dont know how to edit, but as far as going to court, getting in contact with lawers, and all the letter writing and dealing with friend of the court fighting for child support is the same as fighting for visitation. And I'm sure people who have to pay their own lawyer don't just give up on getting child support. It is a pathetic excuse to abandon your kids!

[beautifulbritty712]

And all I said is men do have rights, you say they dont. Why do you get upset about this? Then you change to men have a harder time getting custody, visitation, etc. That's a lot different than no rights.