managing sexual guilt.. cheating..

[eliza164]

Hey everyone,

I have a boyfriend which I love and really wanna marry, but after being together for a couple of years I had to move to another state and we just decided to wait for each other till we are independent and can live with each other.

But soon after I moved a 50 year old man, "family friend", tricked me into having sex with him and for a while I didn't know how to say "no" to him, because he made me feel obligated...and I was about 15 years old and it was my first time, while I always wanted to wait till I'm 18 and do it with someone I really love.. After a while I was able to break it off, but I kept it a secret..

I’ve been with my boyfriend together for 4 years and this horrible thing happened somewhere in the middle or those 4 years. My boyfriend is extremely strict when it comes to cheating, and I think he’d never forgive me for somehow allowing such thing to happen and for not telling him right away..

I feel extremely guilty about what happened, I cry every time I think of it..and I’m very confused about how to deal with this guilt that just eats me from inside and hate towards the old men, and whether I should tell my boyfriend after all those years..I want to be with him so much..is it possible?..

Thanks..

[jo929]

I missed something in your post, did you say you were tricked into sex , was it more than one time , also you say obligated, this word was used by another person, and just wanted to clarify it  also i missed the part about managing to break it off, there has been a lot left out of this post, has there not? people start sex young nowdays i suppose.  

[jo929]

I agree with Denya she has it right 100%  jo

[soosmoo]

This is awful, this guy has destroyed your innocence, taken your virginity and made YOU feel guilty about it!

HE SHOULD BE STOPPED AND REPORTED FOR RAPE & PAEDOPHILIA, you were under the age of legal consent!

My heart goes out to you, go talk to someone about it so you can then enjoy a proper, loving sexual relationship that is your right!

[Jaybay]

Denya is absolutely correct.  You were raped.  You were not an adult making an adult decision to have sex.  YOU did NOTHING wrong.  In most states, that perveted 50 year old child molester would be convicted of statutory rape.  Eventually you may want to talk about it with your boyfriend, but please speak to a therapist first.  It sounds like you're still very confused about what happened with that sexual predator.  Until you fully understand that you were a victim, you can't have a rational discussion about it with anyone else.  After therapy, if your boyfriend can't accept what happened and ends up blaming you, then he isn't the person you believe him to be and not worthy of you.

[Denya]

This 50 year old guy took advantage of you, he was the adult, you were a child.  You didn't cheat, you were RAPED.  This guy was a preditor, and his Job is to, 1st make you feel like it was your decision, and 2nd make you feel guilty about your sexuality, You were raped and this man did to you what they all do, Rape children.  He raped you, bottom line.  You are still acting from that scared 15 year old girl, I would highly recommend you speak to a therapist about this, You are prob just now noticing how this is going to effect the rest of your life and relationships.  I suggest you talk to someone you trust first, get a grip on this for you, not your b-f, your the one who has to deal with this, I'm not saying your b/f is bad, I am just saying that you need to heal, and in order to do that this wound needs to breath on a professional, or a very, very trusted person.

[eliza164]

Now we are both almost 18 and we'd really like to marry each other some day, maybe after college...but this thing happened while I was going out with him, so it feels like cheating...and I feel really guilty that he thinks that I've never been with anyone..