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Helping a Friend During a Painful Process (open)
Hello ladies, (and what few gentlemen spend time here.)
I have a friend who will be going in for an abortion later on this week. Although I have miscarried in the past, I have never had a clinical abortion, and want to make her as comfortable as possible. She's not the sort of girl who asks to have her hand held very often, so I know this bothers her, and I want to support her as best I can.
So I address those of you who have had a clinical abortion: What do you think would make this young woman comfortable in the hours and days after the proceedure? I have until Thursday afternoon to get this decided on, but she'll be staying with my husband and I for a few days while she recovers. (She is a young adult who is in college and lives with her parents, and doesn't feel that it is any of their business.)
Let me know.
I have a friend who will be going in for an abortion later on this week. Although I have miscarried in the past, I have never had a clinical abortion, and want to make her as comfortable as possible. She's not the sort of girl who asks to have her hand held very often, so I know this bothers her, and I want to support her as best I can.
So I address those of you who have had a clinical abortion: What do you think would make this young woman comfortable in the hours and days after the proceedure? I have until Thursday afternoon to get this decided on, but she'll be staying with my husband and I for a few days while she recovers. (She is a young adult who is in college and lives with her parents, and doesn't feel that it is any of their business.)
Let me know.
I agree with you.
But I also have to agree with some of the others, because it does seem that you are deliberately trying to stir up trouble. Many posters here are conservative, and easily shocked by your glib references to multiple partners, great sex, gay bars, and (gasp) green tea. And surely you can't have missed the fact that most posters here are rabidly anti-choice and/or actively trying to get pregnant... so much that it sometimes feels like you need an oxygen mask 'cause of all that sticky baby dust.
So you must also realize that you will NOT get the kind of answers you claim to seek from the people here. But I've found that the people here are actually pretty nice, and many are genuinely caring, kind, and sensitive even when they don't agree with you. I think they deserve the same kindness and consideration in return.
But I also have to agree with some of the others, because it does seem that you are deliberately trying to stir up trouble. Many posters here are conservative, and easily shocked by your glib references to multiple partners, great sex, gay bars, and (gasp) green tea. And surely you can't have missed the fact that most posters here are rabidly anti-choice and/or actively trying to get pregnant... so much that it sometimes feels like you need an oxygen mask 'cause of all that sticky baby dust.
So you must also realize that you will NOT get the kind of answers you claim to seek from the people here. But I've found that the people here are actually pretty nice, and many are genuinely caring, kind, and sensitive even when they don't agree with you. I think they deserve the same kindness and consideration in return.
I defy the notion that I am bear-baiting, and have done what I can to resolve a flare of anger I did have earlier on in the evening. I have stated repeatedly that I am in fact NOT impressing my beliefs on this young woman, and am letting her make the decision on her own.
Contrary to popular belief, nineteen does not equal stupid...the decision was NOT difficult, though she is worried about the proceedure itself. I did not ask for opinions, I asked for experience, which is where the rub comes into place.
If I wanted a fight, I'd have asked for opinions. You can read whatever you want into this thread, but do me a favor and don't put words in my mouth...especially when you do such a poor job at 'intuiting' what I'm here for. What have I to prove?
Why do you think me so hostile for not wanting children of my own? Where do you read that in the slightest? I dislike children, I don't hate other people's children or their right to have them, and you need to realize that before attempting to psychoanalyze me further.
Contrary to popular belief, nineteen does not equal stupid...the decision was NOT difficult, though she is worried about the proceedure itself. I did not ask for opinions, I asked for experience, which is where the rub comes into place.
If I wanted a fight, I'd have asked for opinions. You can read whatever you want into this thread, but do me a favor and don't put words in my mouth...especially when you do such a poor job at 'intuiting' what I'm here for. What have I to prove?
Why do you think me so hostile for not wanting children of my own? Where do you read that in the slightest? I dislike children, I don't hate other people's children or their right to have them, and you need to realize that before attempting to psychoanalyze me further.
I think Oceans just said exactly what I was thinking reading through this thread. I agree, if you have views about whether or not to abort, you would naturally share them with your friend. Why is it a problem if her family does the same? You said that it is none of her family's business what she does. I realize 19 is considered an adult, but, obviously this girl is having trouble with this very "adult" decision if she is coming to you for guidance. She may feel horrible some day when her family finds out what happened without their knowledge. It sounds to me like you have personal feelings against her family. Obviously, they are pro-life "fanatics" as someone earlier put it. The fanatic part cracks me up, by the way. Why are people considered fanatics if they are voicing their opinions about other options besides abortion? Does that make you a pro-choice fanatic?
I did have a friend who got drunk one night in college and had unprotected sex she didn't remember. She became pregnant, carried the baby full term WHILE going to classes and had the baby. She also knew a baby was not in her plan for finishing college, but also knew that it was her mistake, not the unborn child's. She decided to give the baby up for adoption. Am I saying your friend should do the same? No, it is her decision what to do. I do feel she should be presented with all of the options before she decides for sure. Since you are the only one allowed to speak to her about this, don't you feel it is your decision to make sure she feels comfortable with her final decision?
Please don't get angry with others on this forum for posting their opinion. Wouldn't it be a boring world, if everyone agreed with everyone?
I did have a friend who got drunk one night in college and had unprotected sex she didn't remember. She became pregnant, carried the baby full term WHILE going to classes and had the baby. She also knew a baby was not in her plan for finishing college, but also knew that it was her mistake, not the unborn child's. She decided to give the baby up for adoption. Am I saying your friend should do the same? No, it is her decision what to do. I do feel she should be presented with all of the options before she decides for sure. Since you are the only one allowed to speak to her about this, don't you feel it is your decision to make sure she feels comfortable with her final decision?
Please don't get angry with others on this forum for posting their opinion. Wouldn't it be a boring world, if everyone agreed with everyone?
My (2) frustrations with this thread are:
1. I've been there, I know how it feels. It's horrible. It sucks. I was 16. However, I learned from my mistake.
On a site like this one, where women are struggling every day to HAVE a baby, it is unfathomable to me that someone would have 3 abortions. One was more than I could handle.
For goodness sakes, use a condom.
Whether you believe pro-choice, or pro-life, abortion is not birth control. That's insanity.
Original poster, I do commend you for wanting to "help" this girl. (You called her a girl in your first post. Then, later she became an adult who can make her own choices.) I stronly urge you to consider whether or not to tell her parents. I'm not saying that you should tell them, I'm just suggesting that you should urge her to tell them. You have no idea what complications may occur. This is not pulling a splinter out---this is an abortion. What happens if this girl has complications and she's your responsibility? What will you tell her parents then?
I was okay with this thread until the person with 3 past abortions responded like it was no big deal. Sorry if I seemed frustrated with you---I just see so many potential danger zones here....and I did get frustrated with the other person. Didnt' mean to take it out on you.
1. I've been there, I know how it feels. It's horrible. It sucks. I was 16. However, I learned from my mistake.
On a site like this one, where women are struggling every day to HAVE a baby, it is unfathomable to me that someone would have 3 abortions. One was more than I could handle.
For goodness sakes, use a condom.
Whether you believe pro-choice, or pro-life, abortion is not birth control. That's insanity.
Original poster, I do commend you for wanting to "help" this girl. (You called her a girl in your first post. Then, later she became an adult who can make her own choices.) I stronly urge you to consider whether or not to tell her parents. I'm not saying that you should tell them, I'm just suggesting that you should urge her to tell them. You have no idea what complications may occur. This is not pulling a splinter out---this is an abortion. What happens if this girl has complications and she's your responsibility? What will you tell her parents then?
I was okay with this thread until the person with 3 past abortions responded like it was no big deal. Sorry if I seemed frustrated with you---I just see so many potential danger zones here....and I did get frustrated with the other person. Didnt' mean to take it out on you.
Would you like to know what makes me sad? Someone who is unable or unwilling to look past her own little world in favor of trying to offer some advice or sympathy to someone who is less fortunate than herself. That makes me sad.
This is not an ethical discussion.
This is a question about how I can support a friend of mine.
Read that word carefully. SUPPORT.
Not ***** at her, not tell her she's wrong, not argue about killing a baby, (and I want you to realize that there are people here who are NOT pro-life, despite the fact that there are many mothers and ttcs here), but SUPPORT her. Make her comfortable, because she sought ME out for comfort...so spare me your self-righteous drivvel and either give me the advice I requested or keep your teeth together and your thoughts to yourself.
That is all.
This is not an ethical discussion.
This is a question about how I can support a friend of mine.
Read that word carefully. SUPPORT.
Not ***** at her, not tell her she's wrong, not argue about killing a baby, (and I want you to realize that there are people here who are NOT pro-life, despite the fact that there are many mothers and ttcs here), but SUPPORT her. Make her comfortable, because she sought ME out for comfort...so spare me your self-righteous drivvel and either give me the advice I requested or keep your teeth together and your thoughts to yourself.
That is all.
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