Helping a Friend During a Painful Process (open)

[Soror]

Hello ladies, (and what few gentlemen spend time here.)

I have a friend who will be going in for an abortion later on this week.  Although I have miscarried in the past, I have never had a clinical abortion, and want to make her as comfortable as possible.  She's not the sort of girl who asks to have her hand held very often, so I know this bothers her, and I want to support her as best I can.

So I address those of you who have had a clinical abortion:  What do you think would make this young woman comfortable in the hours and days after the proceedure?  I have until Thursday afternoon to get this decided on, but she'll be staying with my husband and I for a few days while she recovers.  (She is a young adult who is in college and lives with her parents, and doesn't feel that it is any of their business.)

Let me know.

[jgonzales]

I dont get why she has to kill an unborn child. WHy doesnt she give up for adoption or something?
What does the father say on all this?
THis gets me mad, I mean I just gave birth to a little girl.. I mean if u open ur legs and u have to deal what happends...
I'm sorry if I got u guys mad.. how and why?
because ur in school doesnt mean to kill a child.. I mean it already has a heartbeat!
Im sorry, I gotta go.. I need to cry!

[malqahtani]

You said she is choosing the 'medicinal' abortion, by pill, right?  Ok, this seems like the easy way out, but it's not.  The only real comfort is you do it at home and nobody watches you walk crooked out of the clinic.  Once she does take the inducing pills within 1 to 2 hours she will start to have real contraction, she will feel them in her back in her abdomen.  Be patient with her, for someone who's never experienced child birth and who hasn't been pregnant long enough to get introduced and constantly exposed to a contraction before child birth, this is really painful.  She may get scared that she's bleeding too heavily, most likely she isn't.  If she's lying down for a while and then stands up alot of clots and blood are going to come out of her, this may be alarming, but it is ok.  If this is uncomfortable she can sit on the toilet and let things pass that way.  Like I said earlier, I've done this method twice, and once the contractions started coming I put that heating pad on medium placed it right on my abdomen where the uterus is and that really helped with the pain.  As long as she was sure that this was what she really wanted to do, then she may emotionally be ok.  It may bother her, but it sounds as though she has accepted this well.  It's very important that she goes to the follow-up appt to get the ultrasound done to confirm that all of the pregnancy tissue was passed.  If it hasn't she may still be pregnant with a dead embryo, or some of the pregnancy tissue.  This can cause really bad infections and in some cases, sterility.  Hopefully, her clinic is up-to-date with their methods and they supply her with antibiotics or a prescription for antibiotics to take while she is doing this.  If they don't she should mention something about getting some.  Not all women get an infection from this, but most do, and it's always better safe than sorry.  Hope all goes well.  And I hope this information helped you.

[Soror]

She's at seven weeks, although I have an update - rather than clinical abortion, she's chosen to go the route of medicinal abortion after talking to the clinic a third time.  My husband and I have agreed to keep her while she goes through it and make sure, if she has complications, to get her to a doctor.  Any experience offered is and would continue to be helpful.

I'm a little more experienced with miscarriage, so at least a lot of this won't be much of a surprise.  (For me, at least.)

I was present when the decision was made, though I didn't share my own opinion.  (I'd have told her to abort, personally, but I didn't want to encourage her or pressure her.)  When we found out she was pregnant, we sat there on the bathroom floor for a little while in silence and she said, "I have to take care of this."

So really, it only took a few minutes for the decision to be made.  I know she hates that it must be done, and she is very, very scared of the entire affair, but she's trying her best to be brave.  Despite the decision not taking long, I am -not- going to question it...in part because I agree with her, that it does need to be done and is in her best interest, and in part because she is an adult capable of judging for herself what is best.

[malqahtani]

How far along is she? Is she having the D&C procedure or is she taking the Abortion Pill?  Was this decision easy for her to make or did she ponder over it for awhile?  I've had 3 (1 D&C and 2 Abortion Pill).  My mom was with me for my first (19yrs old).  I say that you should not bring it up unless she does and just make her feel like you are there for her with no judgement.  If she is having the Pill abortion you may want to be there for her when she does the second procedure.  This is painful and feels exactly like childbirth, you have real contractions and you are bleeding terribly.  And this goes on for hours.(A heating pad is magic on those cramps)  Just make her feel at home while she is there, but don't fuss over her.  Just be her friend, not her mother.

[glad2bamom]

Alot depends on the specifics of her procedure.  Is she being put to sleep?  Will she be awake the whole time?  
She will have cramping, etc.  but the pain isn't horrible.
The worst part for me was the mental anguish.  Even though a parent "helped" me make my decision, I still had unbelievable guilt after it was over.
I remember sleeping for most of the day, and night afterwards.  I think more from mental fagigue than anything else.

She will have bleeding, and you will need to keep a watch on that.

[bookerswife]

Well I would say to just be there for her if she needs a shoulder or if she needs to talk! Try to keep her busy! I hope everything goes well for her!