Aa
Day 2 - Sort Of
Yesterday morning I took my last hydro and then went to start a detox program using buprenorphine (I took the two too close together and for a few hours there, it was mighty scary). But things calmed down. The clinic also gave some supplements and a couple of these came in handy last night for a pretty restful sleep: clonidine and doxepin (others were given but I didn't use any: motrin 800, flexeril and donnatal). I will go and get my second of five doses of bup this morning. By Friday, the bup doses will be done but I'll still have some of the other meds mentioned above for following days.
But here is what I want to say: I just know that now is the time to quit. period. I do not doubt that this is the moment and I have to seize onto it for all it is worth. It is true that the mental part of withdrawal is the hardest. I remember on a recent post bmac (Bill) mentioned that during the first days he was always on the brink of tears (he wasn't proud of the fact, nor am I given that I am a 37 year old man with a job and family and just can't live live on the edge of emotional gushing). But I know exactly what he was talking about and I'm there again.
It is difficult to do anything at work, and frankly, that doesn't go over well here. My body is a lead weight and theres a damp towel stuffed tight into my head. I apologize for these downer posts but this is the only place I can concretely communicate my situation to others. Thank you all so much for your support. If you are the praying type, please remember me in the coming days.
Thanks,
Sean
But here is what I want to say: I just know that now is the time to quit. period. I do not doubt that this is the moment and I have to seize onto it for all it is worth. It is true that the mental part of withdrawal is the hardest. I remember on a recent post bmac (Bill) mentioned that during the first days he was always on the brink of tears (he wasn't proud of the fact, nor am I given that I am a 37 year old man with a job and family and just can't live live on the edge of emotional gushing). But I know exactly what he was talking about and I'm there again.
It is difficult to do anything at work, and frankly, that doesn't go over well here. My body is a lead weight and theres a damp towel stuffed tight into my head. I apologize for these downer posts but this is the only place I can concretely communicate my situation to others. Thank you all so much for your support. If you are the praying type, please remember me in the coming days.
Thanks,
Sean
I know your out there lurking and reading lol you dont have to post back,I just wanted you to know that your in my thoughts and prayers.I hope today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be even better.I know your a little aprehensive
Where for art thou girl?trying to find a better place to hide the silver?I hope this little family visit is going better than expected.I am going to spend the weekend in a cabin in the mountains with my ex and his fiancee lol and our son...A lot of people think were strange but we are still best friends and his fiancee is a sweetheart.They brought me a beautiful gold leaf bracelet last night.Said it was for being mom of the year.Almost made me start crying,thinking "if they only knew" Oh well,Im going to decorate for haloween today...I get to be the scarecrow...dummy or whatever those scarey looking things are hanging from a tree lol hope you can slip outta sis' sight to keep us up on things.Be good today cin,and for heavens sake,Go get a manicure! It will give you a new perspective lol
pix
pix
Good morning...Hope you had a good night.I fell out early.Is this a sign of old age or what lolYou sure hit the nail on the head when you said "when did I lose my confidence" That is exactly what happened to me.When I had to quit my job,for health reasons,I think i left my self worth at the hospital.I feel so low about not working.Of course then i became a hermit lol
back to fun stuff though.I love your Spanish.your posts crack me up.Do you live in Aklaska or did i read the post wrong?I have always wanted to hike the Yukon trail.Maybe i'll do it one day when im in a hoveround lol ok ok so that wouldnt be hiking now would it?For now i'll have to settle for Yellowstone..hope you have a fantastic day.
pixi
back to fun stuff though.I love your Spanish.your posts crack me up.Do you live in Aklaska or did i read the post wrong?I have always wanted to hike the Yukon trail.Maybe i'll do it one day when im in a hoveround lol ok ok so that wouldnt be hiking now would it?For now i'll have to settle for Yellowstone..hope you have a fantastic day.
pixi
To me the pain medicine, is just that, medicine. I need it when I am hurting. Without it I can not even think when the pain is so bad.
I am no Angel. I have been an idiot too. I have taken more than I should sometimes. I have stayed on the meds longer than the pain. It is all part of the addiction/dependence issue. If there is a chronic pain patient out there that says they haven't done that, they aren't a chronic pain patient.
But without the medicine I don't know how I would get through these episodes. The pain gets so bad sometimes that I will tap/hit my leg just to break up the "steadyness" of the pain.
When I am in pain, I get irrational too. I have called my docs frustrated and told them I would never come back and they can take a flying @#$%.
I did that last week. I was so upset that they just didn't understand. (BTW - these are all new docs to me. Sometimes I feel like they have no idea about PAIN) Then of course I had to call back and apologize. That really sucked.
Dealing with pain is a hard issue. That is why I am so happy to find this place, and all of you great people.
Chezz
Nite nite. ;)
My wife understands this place helps me. And that you guys can "understand" me. She has never had more than a headache. But she also wants me to spend time with her!!! So I am going to try and spend more time with her, and balance my posting out alittle more.
I am no Angel. I have been an idiot too. I have taken more than I should sometimes. I have stayed on the meds longer than the pain. It is all part of the addiction/dependence issue. If there is a chronic pain patient out there that says they haven't done that, they aren't a chronic pain patient.
But without the medicine I don't know how I would get through these episodes. The pain gets so bad sometimes that I will tap/hit my leg just to break up the "steadyness" of the pain.
When I am in pain, I get irrational too. I have called my docs frustrated and told them I would never come back and they can take a flying @#$%.
I did that last week. I was so upset that they just didn't understand. (BTW - these are all new docs to me. Sometimes I feel like they have no idea about PAIN) Then of course I had to call back and apologize. That really sucked.
Dealing with pain is a hard issue. That is why I am so happy to find this place, and all of you great people.
Chezz
Nite nite. ;)
My wife understands this place helps me. And that you guys can "understand" me. She has never had more than a headache. But she also wants me to spend time with her!!! So I am going to try and spend more time with her, and balance my posting out alittle more.
The last thing I wanted out of the post was for people to think that I wanted "praise". That is why I really didn't want responses.
That isn't what this forum is all about.
I love reading EVERYONE's posts. Some I can connect with more than others. But that is why I have put my email addy out there. So people can let me know if they feel "left out". Especially when they are going through w/d's.
I know the emotional ride it is. I cry like a baby too. It is part of me. I have always been emotional. I embrace it. And I hope everyone else does too.
So to let me know they wonder why I haven't posted makes me feel good. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It helps to deal with everything that is going on.
I will admit, it is a lot of work. I try to post as much as I can. The reality is I can't post to everyone.
But I can answer emails from the people that want my help. Because then I KNOW they want to hear. They need my support.
I am here for everyone, including myself.
BTW - I didn't flush it for a while. I let em' sit in the bottom. They made a pretty BIG mound. It is funny now. But I was hurtin' like a banchee the next day until it got worked out.
I am brutally honest with my docs, just as I am here.
One time I ran out of my meds in 4 days. Soooo, I went to my pain management doc and told him I took all my meds already. I told him I tried to get rid of ALL the pain. I was frustrated and pissed it wouldn't go away. He couldn't believe I was so honest with him. I was like, well the @#$#ing pain never really ever goes AWAY. The meds take the edge off, and help me function. But I wanted it ALL to take a hike.
Needless to say he had a good laugh. Then told me not to do it again, but he understood. He was just surprised I came to him.
I never knew people took this stuff for fun. It's not naivity, I just couldn't imagine how you could get them unless you were in pain.
Of course I know better NOW. LOL
Chezz
That isn't what this forum is all about.
I love reading EVERYONE's posts. Some I can connect with more than others. But that is why I have put my email addy out there. So people can let me know if they feel "left out". Especially when they are going through w/d's.
I know the emotional ride it is. I cry like a baby too. It is part of me. I have always been emotional. I embrace it. And I hope everyone else does too.
So to let me know they wonder why I haven't posted makes me feel good. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It helps to deal with everything that is going on.
I will admit, it is a lot of work. I try to post as much as I can. The reality is I can't post to everyone.
But I can answer emails from the people that want my help. Because then I KNOW they want to hear. They need my support.
I am here for everyone, including myself.
BTW - I didn't flush it for a while. I let em' sit in the bottom. They made a pretty BIG mound. It is funny now. But I was hurtin' like a banchee the next day until it got worked out.
I am brutally honest with my docs, just as I am here.
One time I ran out of my meds in 4 days. Soooo, I went to my pain management doc and told him I took all my meds already. I told him I tried to get rid of ALL the pain. I was frustrated and pissed it wouldn't go away. He couldn't believe I was so honest with him. I was like, well the @#$#ing pain never really ever goes AWAY. The meds take the edge off, and help me function. But I wanted it ALL to take a hike.
Needless to say he had a good laugh. Then told me not to do it again, but he understood. He was just surprised I came to him.
I never knew people took this stuff for fun. It's not naivity, I just couldn't imagine how you could get them unless you were in pain.
Of course I know better NOW. LOL
Chezz
Ok.
Now before I give the neck a rest, just one (i swear, it's the last one) thing: Sometimes I read posts during the night when I wake up and can't go back to sleep, but I purposely do not post because that would jazz me up too much, and then for sure I wouldn't be able to sleep.
You were smart to get rid of fiorecet;)
Now before I give the neck a rest, just one (i swear, it's the last one) thing: Sometimes I read posts during the night when I wake up and can't go back to sleep, but I purposely do not post because that would jazz me up too much, and then for sure I wouldn't be able to sleep.
You were smart to get rid of fiorecet;)
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