Day 2 - Sort Of

[Sean5110]

Yesterday morning I took my last hydro and then went to start a detox program using buprenorphine (I took the two too close together and for a few hours there, it was mighty scary). But things calmed down. The clinic also gave some supplements and a couple of these came in handy last night for a pretty restful sleep: clonidine and doxepin (others were given but I didn't use any: motrin 800, flexeril and donnatal). I will go and get my second of five doses of bup this morning. By Friday, the bup doses will be done but I'll still have some of the other meds mentioned above for following days.

But here is what I want to say: I just know that now is the time to quit. period. I do not doubt that this is the moment and I have to seize onto it for all it is worth. It is true that the mental part of withdrawal is the hardest. I remember on a recent post bmac (Bill) mentioned that during the first days he was always on the brink of tears (he wasn't proud of the fact, nor am I given that I am a 37 year old man with a job and family and just can't live live on the edge of emotional gushing). But I know exactly what he was talking about and I'm there again.

It is difficult to do anything at work, and frankly, that doesn't go over well here. My body is a lead weight and theres a damp towel stuffed tight into my head. I apologize for these downer posts but this is the only place I can concretely communicate my situation to others. Thank you all so much for your support. If you are the praying type, please remember me in the coming days.

Thanks,
Sean

[Chezz]

Thanks Cincee. My post on that wasn't meant for people to think that they had to respond. I just wanted people to understand that I am unsure sometimes. That I don't always know if they wan't to hear what I have to say or even care.

It is hard to get used to the computer aspect of it.

It would be fine if I was some conceited Ahole and thought I knew it all. But really, inside I am apprehensive.

Then a couple people emailed a while back and ask me if they said something wrong, or if I just didn't like them. I didn't know what to say. I REALLY felt bad.

I just fiqured they were "vets" and I didn't want to say something wrong, or out of line.

By that post I just really wanted everyone to know that I don't always know what to say. That I wonder too.

Another thing. I know I can type like a bat out of ^%#. Actually I didn't know this until I was emailing Pon, another post'r. He was like jeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz. "I thought I could type fast, I can't even read em' fast enough". LOL

No biggy. I just want to feel "accepted" I guess. That people want to hear me. That I am not a crazy post'r.

When it comes to business, I am ruthless and don't care what people think. When it comes to people I am very sensitive.
Thanks though, I am glad to hear it,
Chezz

[CinCee]

You flushed 98 percs.  Can I drink your swill?

[CinCee]

Chezz, I wanted to say something else to you.
Your posts usually give me a lot to think about.  I need to digest them for awhile before I have something to say in return.  So if you ever think I'm ingnoring you, think again, I might just be taking it in.

Also, sometimes I feel guilty because your pain is so much worse than mine.  When I feel guilty are uncertain, my natural response is to step back, or in this case, not reply to a post.

Another thing is that I cannot mentally maintain more than a few conversations at one time, especially late in the day.  The nature of the technology is that there will be multiple topics at once.  Personally if I'm already involved in some other topic, I can't always thouroughly take in a new one.  It's just me.

And one more thing:  The computer hurts my neck. So sometimes I have to get away because of that.

And just one more thing:  I will be very busy, and probably mostly on early morning or at night during the next week.  I am on Pacific time.

I just really, really want you to know, once and for all, that I for one, appreciate and read what you write, even if for any one of the above reasons, I don't immediately respond.
C

[Chezz]

Actually, it was 98. It took 2 when she wasn't lookin'. ;)

[Chezz]

I hope the predizone works. It should. I have had it before when the pain was less and it worked for about 2 months. Then I was a guinea pig for something new. Then something new again. and again.
Now you may understand why I don't give a **** to flush em'. If they don't work, or aren't good for me, a swirlin' they will go.

Actually, one time my wife and I got into a fight and I flushed 100 percocets down the toilet. My doc was so PISSED. At the time I didn't know that she would have to talk to the pharmacy and all that. Of course she explained it in GRAVE detail!!! ;)
Chezz

[Chezz]

Isn't it ironic how that works. They give you something for the pain, non-narcotic, and you are SCARED to take it.
When they give you something narcotic, you can't get ENOUGH. You will pop em' till the cows come home!!! LOL ;)
Chezz