Day 2 - Sort Of

[Sean5110]

Yesterday morning I took my last hydro and then went to start a detox program using buprenorphine (I took the two too close together and for a few hours there, it was mighty scary). But things calmed down. The clinic also gave some supplements and a couple of these came in handy last night for a pretty restful sleep: clonidine and doxepin (others were given but I didn't use any: motrin 800, flexeril and donnatal). I will go and get my second of five doses of bup this morning. By Friday, the bup doses will be done but I'll still have some of the other meds mentioned above for following days.

But here is what I want to say: I just know that now is the time to quit. period. I do not doubt that this is the moment and I have to seize onto it for all it is worth. It is true that the mental part of withdrawal is the hardest. I remember on a recent post bmac (Bill) mentioned that during the first days he was always on the brink of tears (he wasn't proud of the fact, nor am I given that I am a 37 year old man with a job and family and just can't live live on the edge of emotional gushing). But I know exactly what he was talking about and I'm there again.

It is difficult to do anything at work, and frankly, that doesn't go over well here. My body is a lead weight and theres a damp towel stuffed tight into my head. I apologize for these downer posts but this is the only place I can concretely communicate my situation to others. Thank you all so much for your support. If you are the praying type, please remember me in the coming days.

Thanks,
Sean

[CinCee]

She's not using.  Not narcotics, anyway.  She's using something called Provigil, but whatever, she's not pushing the hydro onto me.  She's still really recovering from her last detox.

I don't want to share this forum with her, because then I won't have anywhere to really spill my guts anonymously.

[Wardman]

Sean, are you serious?????  500mgs a day of oxycodone?  thats 100 percocets!   I hope you feel better soon.  I am getting ready to quit my hydro habit again.  I have been taking them on and off (mostly on) for years.  I also would take perocets, but those are much harder to come by.   The funny thing with me is that the frequency that I take the pills has increased, but I have never increased my dosage.  2 vicodin, 1 and a half Vicodin ES or 1 norco.  I still have rarely ever taken more in one pop.  I have seen myself totally change.  I feel awful on pills, I feel awful off pills.  However, after a week of not using I always feel much better and I am much happier not using.  I always read and feel sad for people who say that they have a void in their life without the pills.  I am blessed that after a few weeks, I am much better.  However, I do suffer from depression big time and its exacerbated the first 4 days.  I am an insomniac and my sleeping sucks to begin with.  When I am in W/D, I virtually do not sleep.  I also should travel with a toilet bowl attached to my ass, as  we all know what happens during WD.  Of course, I get it 100 times worse!  Anywasy  i been lurking and posting sometimes  for about a year.  I am getting ready to quit again.  The anxiety I have from the pills is getting to me, and I have cracked lips from the dry skin.  I hate to knwo what my liver is saying. I also hate to go out.  I ahev become a recluse and antisocial.  All of this because of stupid pills.  One symptom, I get about a week after W/D is this bitter metallic taste in my mouth.  Has anyone ever gotten this?

[peaz]

First off, Thomas--you are WOUND UP tonite----and we love it!!!!!!!
Pixi- I really liked what you said in your post up above: "When I was sad, I took a pill.  When I was happy I took a pill to feel happier".  God!! That is so accurate!!  There was really no reason to NOT use, and that is the sad truth.  How could we not see that we were counting on that stupid pill to make our whole life for us??  When did I begin losing the confidence in myself to be able to do all those things without a chemical?  And now it's so scary to have to learn to do it all over again.  I feel like a stroke victim or something---starting over with the basics.

[Chezz]

Thomas you are a crack head!!! LOL (that is a joke, my wife says that to anyone who is being crazy) she has never tried any drug btw.

And Woodman - 500mg. of Hydro, not oxy. 50 10's aday. Vics are schedule 3 for a reason. As are percs a schedule 2.

And since Thomas let the cat out of the bag. That is what my docs gave me yesterday instead of putting me back on the meds. Holly f$#% was I "drunk". Of course that only happens the 1st time, so I flushed em' cause they didn't do anything for the pain. But if my head hurt, they would have worked wonders. To be honest, I don't drink anymore, so I was happy when it finally went away. But now I know what those guys got addicted to. It was Fiorecet.

And to think I was PISSED they gave me something with caffeine. I was truly upset since I hadn't got very much sleep in the last 2-3 days. The caffeine doesn't do much, cause I finally slept.
Chezz

[Thomas02]

Fiorinal w/Codeine ... now that's what I'm talk'n about! Rock'n good high, don't you think? Fiorinal with Hydrocodone (Vics) is heavenly, too. This has been a test of the Dope Fiend Emergency Broadcast System ...

Thomas

[CinCee]

You FLUSHED them?? What are you, superman, or what?

I could say no to a script, or no to a friend, maybe, but FLUSHING?  No could do.