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Avatar universal

Help and advice I'm scared

Hi,

I'm new here been reading posts for two days. Originally came here via search engine to find information on the new meds I have been placed on and got drawn into your lives with your story's. I'll try to keep this short. One night I was getting ready for bed and felt like I was going to throw up, out of no where no warnings no symptoms nothing. I threw up the immediately fell to the floor I'n more pain than I could attempt to describe. Luckily my husband heard me because I couldn't have called out to him if I had too. Told him get me to hospital something is bad wrong I was very scared.

I lost 90% of my pancreas overnight it necrotized. I kept asking if I was going to die they wouldn't answer me for two weeks. They wanted to induce coma the pain was more than they could manage, i refused. Took me a week to convince them that I don't drink. Eventually they copped out and said maybe it was the lisinapril I was on for my BP.

Tests tests tests could not find any stones I'n gallbladder couldn't eat or drink got a 6 x 8 inch psyuedo cyst on what was left of my pancreas. After 5 months I'n hospital I told them to go take my gallbladder I was tired, tired enough to die. They said they would have to completely open me up I said whatever. They took gallbladder out it was sludgy they cut hole I'n cyst and stomach 32 staples later I wake up.

Five months almost 6 and I'm going home after all the morphine pumps I had no withdrawal. 4 more months at home still tube feeding total weight loss 70 lbs I'm only 5'2 tall.

Eventually learned how to eat again that was so hard to do. Ended up on norcos. Never took more than prescribed even tho my pain everyday was he'll it never got better.

Back and forth to hospital every 2-3 months with bad infections caused by my remaining pancreas that was infecting all digestive tract and liver. I wanted to die. If not for my two grand babies so I continue to fight.

Last checkup my doctor asked me when I was gonna stop being so stubborn. I had no life couldn't function, i sat thinking.... I'm 50...I'm I'n massive pain... My life has been shortened...so I finally gave I'n and told him send me to pain clinic.

I currently have 4% of my pancreas and still not diabetic it's working it's little heart out. They do a nerve block tell me come back I'n a week for the other side. I'm told my pain is akin to end stage cancer (like I didn't know that) I go back and sadly tell them it didn't work I had such high hopes after so much suffering.

They say it's not working and they are not going to do the other side. They send me home with ms contin 30 mg twice a day and dilauded 30 mg 4 times a day. I'm on my third day of no pain I'n over 18 months. It's like I'm experiencing things for the first time. A shower is to be enjoyed not just to shave pain off.

Then I read all this stuff.

Now I'm scared, I've never been addicted I'n my life always could just lay things down with no problem. I'm pain free do you have any idea what that means to me? But according to all of you I feel like I've taken my first steps down a path that I'll regret.

I'm scared and need advice
Plz help me
Best Answer
Avatar universal
And how is it your fault? Did you find a place to buy suffering? Some special catalog of afflection and look at the pictures and point out hey that looks fun. Ill order two? Lol. Trying to make you laugh. How in the world.do you think this is your fault? Your fighting for your life! Your family loves you worries about you. Pity parties are not allowed. Sorry. Being upset yes. Mad yes. Fustrated yes. But no pity paries. Your fighting for everyday of your life. If you get one more day than spend it wisely. Youve been thru xxxx and back. God wants you here for awhile to spend with your family. They love you anyway shape or form your in. Your a child of God. Im praying for you
49 Responses
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Avatar universal
Let me say that the reason I began taking Oxycontin & Norco each day was bc I have a disease that is extremely painful as well. It causes so much pain that I can't even do normal daily activities, such as work, go to college, run errands. The way my doctor explained it to me was like this: "pain medicine was created to help people with their pain. It is only natural that they will eventually develop a tolerance for it and their dosage might have to gradually be increased. However, if they are taking their prescription exactly how it is prescribed, then there isn't a problem...they are using the pain meds how they were intended. When they start taking the pills more than prescribed, that's when it becomes a problem." And that's what happened to me. I began taking double than what was prescribed to me & always running out of my pills earlier than I should have. If you feel that you are strong enough to take the pain meds at prescribed, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking them. But also, just remember that they sometimes have negative side effects as well such as liver damage.
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi Jackie glad your still hangin inthere and hope you have a good day!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Lulu mangel tysvm I love you all
You have given me more than you could conceive
I started a new thread just to tell you about the mental pain I'n my life but I will still post here I'n this one

I can't tell you the relief I feel having shared my other story
It doesn't belong I'n this forum but I wanted to share it with you so I posted it here I'n this forum

I need all the shoulders to cry on your willing to give me
When you read it you will know why
The topic is called time to come clean or something

I don't want pity
I only want love and hugs
Hugs are the best creation God gave us
Hugs say more than words ever could

I love you all
Helpful - 0
1814148 tn?1332485798
Hello Jackie!

Your post brought happy tears to my eyes and a good chuckle. It's so easy to allow feelings of hopelessness and despair take us down. You are transitioning through a loss of the life you had prior to this health crisis..and doing very well might I add. Once we recognize that we have a choice in how we react to situations then negative feelings can no longer disempower us. Your attitude (with a capital A) will not only serve you well but is a shining inspiration to others.

I'm glad the pipes are working again. Lulu mentioned a very important factor..water! Now just maintaining the pipes with a combination of colace and sennos. Don't wait more than 2 days without a movement. You can take milk of magnesia as needed to keep regular. Beware of metamucil as condensed fiber can turn to cement if you don't drink crazy amounts of water. Well that's my speel on pooping lol.

Vicki had a good point about recording all breakthrough (BT) meds you take. If you are taking BT more than 4 times in a 24 hour period then your doctor should reassess your contin dose. It's also helpful to give your pain a number out of 10 prior to BT and again 20 min after. What precipitates the pain? If you experience pain prior to an activity such a bathing and dressing then take the BT before. You deserve to be comfortable ALL the time. If your pain is your pancreas (upper middle chest, radiating to the back) try  lying flat on your back till the meds kick in. I continue to pray that your fear of addiction doesn't become a barrier to your pain management :o)

Lots of love and prayers xoxox
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Hi Jackie

I've been thinking about you and just found your thread.  Mangel gave you excellent advice about managing your bowel issues with the pain meds.  I'm thinking because of your latest post that it worked???  Awesome.  I was on all the meds you are for Crohns, RA, and severe endometriosis for almost 5 years.  You do have to be diligent and consistent with the bowel management...I took Senoket 3 times a day and drank lots of water....After many trips to ER for bowel obstruction I learned my lesson.

I know you're worried about becoming addicted...And it's good to be self aware.  Every day I was sick and on meds I asked myself "Is this a symptom of disease...Or side effect from drug?"  And I struggled with it....a lot.  In retrospect, I can see that there were times when I really needed the medication...and then times when I did not....You need to work closely with your doctors and be honest with yourself.  Keep a pain journal and record your pill intake-this will give you and your doctors a better idea of how to manage your pain effectively and give you the best quality of life.....Because you deserve to have a good life!  I am happy you are feeling better.  Please keep us posted.......Lu
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I love all of you your good qualities your bad ones and the ones we have yet to discover Bama

I'm so glad your back I've missed you too

You are beautiful

I love you
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey... Im back from rehab. I missed you. And Im glad to see your having a good start of the day.Im not the person to talk to about medical issues your having. My specialty is inspirational sayings and Im a silly sense of humor. If your ever down ill give ya hugs and make silly faces until you laugh. I can hold your hand and cheer you on. I love cheering people along their way. I love a good success story. I love and admire your attitude. Its such a joy seeing you post. Even though your not an old drug addict like me. Hahaha. You bring so much to this forum. We need you with us. I need you. Your friend bama. And roll tide roll.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good morning,

Thank you both and the others for all the support so many new things I'n my life, friends, days without debilitating pain, do you know that before now I had never read or posted on forums? I think God lead me to all of you to help me just I'n time I was ready to die even if it ment losing my chance at heaven.

So many good things today. I've been up 1 hour and I had messages from you waiting for me to read. They are like Christmas presents when your a child so full of magic and wonder.

I slept 6 whole wonderful amazing hours !!!!

I went to the bathroom!!!!!! Isn't that a hoot to be so happy and thankful for a bowel movement lol I could easily run naked down the street toilet paper trailing behind me yelling I pooped!!! I pooped!!!

Above my first joke and true laughter I'n almost two years.

I'm hungry, I want to eat breakfast instead of forcing myself to eat.

I'm trying to remember if I took a contin before sleep or if I didn't I don't know why but I feel like the correct answer might be tied to my ability to have actually slept last night.....

I am so thankful to God for sending me your hearts not just to know that I'm loved but to give me someone to love I'n return......crying now.....happy tears.

I love you
Helpful - 0
1814148 tn?1332485798
Hey there Jackie,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and am sending you hearfelt hugs. No doubt this has been very traumatic for you and your family.You have found a great community of people who genuinely care about your emotional and physical health.

I'm glad you found your way to medhelp however I don't think you are an addict. I hope you are closer to reconciling your fears of addiction in regard to your pain management. Tolerance is a normal body process and is not a factor in Continue to keep working with your doctor to establish effective dosing with the contin and breakthrough dilaudid.

You have to treat your constipation aggressively when taking pain meds. You may need to try a fleet enema to evacuate your bowels. It may be necessary to seek medical treatment as impaction is a serious situation. Taking a stool softener with breakfast and supper, and senakot at bedtime is good bowel maintenece. It's difficult to understand how doctors always miss this part...

Stay strong and keep posting :o)
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi Jackie,  that would be a good idea (the treadmill)  .About the addiction part just try to take the least amount that controls your pain.
Ask your doc if it's ok to take magnesium citrate? They sell it at dollar general and that worked great(too good) for me on bathroom problems when I was on pain meds.Glad you are still doing well.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi everyone I'm not mad just scared, frustrated, confused so many feelings. I have an update.

I seen my doc and he upped the dilaudid to 8 I also inquired about the Xanax danger one of you mentioned and the doc said it's ok and we signed some contract and asked if I would do a urine test I said sure. He also said ok to take 3 a day on ms contin with my inability to sleep he says the third one might help due to the fact that I don't really sleep and I'm up so long that 2 pills probably does not cover my awake time.

I'm placing my trust I'n him it's so hard to do that knowing he could ruin my life so easily. He never even really questioned me to see if I needed all this....that bothers me, unless it's because it's all documented. I just don't know my feelings are battling each other right now....am I doing the right thing?

I'm so confused with my feelings

I'm happy that most of my pain is now controlled but still very afraid of addiction what if I get tolerance? Asked doc that too he told me yes eventually it will happen but there are lots of things they can do or try but my fear is eventually, no matter what, I'll be an addict right?

I think since it's winter and too cold to do much now that I feel better maybe I'll try out my treadmill I bought just before I got sick I've read so many things here that ppl say has helped them.

I'm very constipated now painfully so i tryed mirilax like they had me take I'n hospital but so far nothing I think I'm close to impacting.

You all are the only friends I have and I am so thankful for you and I'm praying for all of you I just can't shake this feeling that two wrongs don't make a right if you get what I'm saying I want to live and feel better but on my terms not at the mercy of a pill.

Please all stay I'n touch with me I need you so much right now and hopefully soon maybe I'll be less afraid enough to do more than just pray for you. I do have a couple good shoulders that don't mind taking tear baths from others and I hope I can help all of you someday.

All my love
Jackie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi again, I thought i would do a update...and im still 10 day sober now....and about 80% normal. It was one of the hardest things i have done in my life. But im so happy that i feel better. To get used to the idea that my WILL POWER, MY INNER, MY SOUL is stronger than my body , my outer and the world. To be able to tell my body NO! Look, what it has done to you. Remember you are doing something great for yourself and you will be rewarded.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Jackie-  What's going on today?  Don't be mad at us. There are other members here who need a little support and it's the weekend.

Lulu and Bama have posted often to you. Bama has gone to a 21 day rehab. Did you know that?  Try to keep posting, as well. When you do that, it will bring your comment to the top of this page which draws attention to it, as you have just seen.

Anything in particular that's urgent today?
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi Jackie,if you post on this thread it will bump it up to the top of the list.
We have had an overwhelming amount of new posters and addicts wanting to get off etc.When someone posts it bumps the previous posts down and they get lost. I think maybe because the new year.Anyway,we are always here.Someone is anyway. Sorry
Helpful - 0
1730544 tn?1310077441
and hey, if you're lonely or something, there are a ton of user groups or..just..all sorts o stuff. Sometimes people "lose the threads" meaning they cant find them after other threads are posted. You didn't offend anyone..Don't be so hard on yourself! You are in pain, very legitimate pain, and you have no problem controlling yourself. Don't live in pain OR live in fear!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My problem with pain pills is I can not get them. You will go broke buying them. If I had a legimate reason I would take them as directed. When you start taking more than you will know it's starting to be a problem.
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
People are not responding because you haven't asked a question. There is great support here but you will have to let us know what you need help with?

You are on day 10 now? How are you feeling?
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Hi Jackie..
Please don't feel abandoned-it's the weekend and quiet around here.  You have not overstayed your welcome...I feel your pain-I have been on all the medication you are on now.  It's difficult to answer questions as we are not doctors and everyone reacts to medication differently.  If you are very concerned please go to urgent care and get medical support.  What exactly do you need from us?  I am happy to give you support in any way I can and send you my prayers....Lu
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Avatar universal
No one is really replying anymore.
Am I suppose to make a new thread?
I feel kinda like ppl only respond once then move on.....
I'm still here and I still need help.
Have I done or said something to offend anyone or is this pretty much the norm? Draw ppl I'n make them feel like you care offer them hope and then disappear?
It's ok I'm used to it
Back I'n the older days you could rely on ppl hack a handshake and your word was all you needed. Not anymore. Ppl have become disposable objects. I think that is the saddest thing I'n the world and something no one will ever be able to say about me.
Once again it appears I have over stayed my welcome. I apologize, wish you well and hope that you never feel abandoned it's far worse than any physical pain I will ever endure.

Good bye
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes I'm very certain that's all I took. I've always used a pil box and fill it each day that way I make sure I never take more than I'm supposed to. It's always a nice feeling.as well when the end of the day arrives and I can easily see that I did not take full dosage that day. My docs know what I'm on but no one has ever told me to stop taking them.

I've been on Xanax about .... 8 years with only two upgrades. One I asked for after 3 years I told doc it's not working as good he upped me from .2 to a .5 I take it for anxiety. Then when I got sick he said to take 3 pills a day instead of two so as you can see my dose is still very low.  

But I'm seeing my doc on the 11th and I will mention your concern as well as my inability to sleep and what happened.

Please and Ty for all  advise I'm so grateful for all of you.

I've never been an abuser and I do not wish to become one.  

I just want to controle my pain safely and I'n an intelligent manner
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Jackie- 12 hours is very unusual but you are very unusual!  Do you take that med combo all the time? It's not good to take Xanax and Dilaudid together. It's a potent cocktail for healthy organs and here YOU are! That is one possibility of what may have happened...

Don't take those together anymore; at least until you can speak with your doctor.  It would just be safer.

How are you feeling now?  Do you feel rested?  Also, are you sure that's all you took or could you have forgotten something?  It's always a good idea to document every time you take a medicine. We all tend to forget if we took a last dose...it's a good precaution just in case that's what happened.
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Avatar universal
I never ever ever sleep for more than an hour to 90 mins today my husband came bursting I'n the door scared me he was all over me asking you ok baby???? I had slept 12 hours. It's not due to the meds either cause all I took before laying down was one Xanax and one dilaudid. I'm scared this is not normal should I be scared? Was my body just that tired? Please advise I am very thankful for the sleep but I have the strangest feeling that I might have almost been hurt or something. I don't know how to digest this I just have a very de ja cue feeling. Should I be worried?
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
The Pain Management forum is also very supportive and they are all really helpful.  Check them out.

Enjoy those grandbabies~~
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Avatar universal
Here you go but don't be a stranger!

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Pain-Management/show/53
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