This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
To anyone that could provide me with any insight..
my father has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. He was told that his liver is failing over six months ago and that he needed to stop drinking. Now his drinking has just gotten worse, he says he doesnt care if it kills him. I know he suffers from depression and alcohol induced psychosis now.... but i dont know how to get past the feeling of guilt, not feeling good enough as his daughter to make him want to get better and recover.
This eats at me day and night, all I do is wonder how long it will be until he's actually gone. Currently, he's passing blood through his stool as far as I know... how bad is his liver is what Im wondering? A part of me feels "dumb" for feeling so hurt, sad, and all this pain... I want to know what to do to fix this... I feel like its my responsibility.
Hi there. Ivan relate to both sides. My drinking not only eroded my desire to live, but also made me want to die. Its a miserable existence-if it had not been for the intervention of others, I probably would no longer be here. As far as depression, if one is not already suffering from it, chronic alcoholism will definitely cause it to develop. Additionally, I watched my dad die from alcohol induced pancreatitis. He had little warning until it was too late and he passed within a couple of weeks. As far as time left in your situation, its hard to say exactly depending on things like how advanced your father's condition is and how much/often he drinks. One thing that will help you cope with whatever the situation is Al-anon in your area. Most of all, know this is in no way your fault, and you can't fix him if he doesn't want help. There are things like commitments and interventions that may temporarily separate him from the alcohol, but ultimately he will have to make the decision to stay sober. You wil be in my prayers and please ask if you have more questions or concerns. Take care, GM
I am the child of an alcoholic parent (our father). He lost his family once, and managed to swindle his way back in with promises he would change, join AA, and even attended meetings while all along drinking by himself. He hid it everywhere, even in the toilet tank, look everywhere! Eventually, years later, he lost us all again, as he again chose alcohol over his kids (our mother passed away and thankfully she no longer suffers pain from his verbal abuse). Looking back, all of us kids were enabling him, making excuses for him, believing his excuses (and there were plenty), and finally we started to write letters to him stating "our terms" as to how we would accept him as part of our lives. Suffice to say, he chose the bottle, and not his family. He hasn't communicated with anyone since. Sober, he would do anything for anyone, anytime/anywhere, but drunk, he becomes a totally different person and violent, beligerent, and claims to have no recollection of the previous nights events. At one time would disappear for days, and they just appear out of thin air. As a child, you get used to what you know, but as an adult you learn to make choices of your own for you and your family. My advice to you is do not enable, go on with your own life on "your" terms, and make that 100% clear. An intervention wasn't viable in our situation as he shuts down and won't listen to anyone as "he doesn't have a problem" so until he realizes that fact and admits to his disease, no one else can help. Be well, and best wishes for a happy life.
I agree with you 110%. Another source for comfort/healing is you minister/pastor/clergy. Our father is now 85 and still going strong, after at least 50 years of heavy drinking that I am aware of. Our grandfather lived to 99, so perhaps it is in the genes. How his liver hasn't given out is beyond me. He has had bouts with prostate cancer but so far has been able to get it treated & live beyond. Has lost his license more times than I can count, so he is like a cat with 9 lives, and has totalled so many vehicles because of drinking & driving, but manages to walk away.
Last lost his license at age 80 for 6 mths, took a course, back before the judge, and voila, license was returned. How does that happen?
We finally had to have our phone number unlisted because of the drunken harrassment at all times of day night (even to work #). I feel the pain. It never truly goes away, as you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, what a terrible feeling, but life must still go on. I dread the day when we get a phone call that he has passed away. My brother & I have discussed this, and we are torn as to whether we could even go to the funeral.
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