Alcoholic mother. I'm sick of it.

[xiodinex]

My mother, every since I was small, has always been an over-drinker. When I was small, one of my earliest memories was of my mum outside the house screaming fire. Obviously, I panicked and went to wake my dad up, my dad replied by telling me that it was fine, the house wasn't on fire, and that I should go back to bed. I went back to my room, but watched the scene from my bedroom window. All I saw was my dad trying to get my mum in the house, and my mum responding by punching my dad in the eye. Next minute, the fire engines arrived (neighbours called them) and the police also arrived. Things haven't changed much since then. I'm 15, nearly 16 now and I've moved away from my mum, to live with my dad. I go to my mum's every weekend, and every weekend she's drunk. She's not physically abusive, not it bothers me considerably since we've been robbed and she's nearly set the hose on fire before when she's been drunk. I've tried everything, I've stopped going down, my aunties taken me into her care, I've thrown out her wine, I've simply spoken to her, I've got my dad to help, I've tried to stop the shop selling her the stuff and I've spoken to my CAHMS worker. All this has achieved absolutely nothing. Everywhere my mum chooses to live, she's infamous with the neighbours for it. It's only one night I'm over for, is it too much to ask for her not to drink for that one night?
Now that I told my CAHMS worker, she's told me that if my mum doesn't stop she's going to have to start a 'Child In Need' thing that will stop me going down. This wouldn't bother me if it weren't for three cats that I'm extremely fond of living at my mum's house.

I'd appreciate any advice, and perhaps comments from a previous alcoholics point of view, so I could try and understand a little better.

[boogieman]

Hi there. Sorry you are having to deal with this. I've been on both sides of the equation and neither is pleasant. Your mother is suffering from an illness that is composed of a physical allergy to, and a mental obsession for alcohol. The obsession can be treated, but the allergy will always be present. In order for her to recover, she will likely need medically supervised treatment initially, and aftercare such as AA and/or counseling. To help you cope I would recommend alanon or alateen. Most importantly, she will have to want to get better for there to be a favorable outcome, as most alcoholics find little more than a shaky and short lived period of sobriety until they have had enough pain. Hope this helps and keep posting- GM

[xiodinex]

That's the thing- She doesn't want to change. She sees nothing wrong with it, despite the fact I calculated that she's having 70 units a week (bare minimum) and spending £280 a month on it. I just don't understand why she doesn't see anything wrong.

[boogieman]

Hi there. One of the most damaging facets of alcoholism is the denial that comes with it. Some will realize on some level just how bad things are but refuse to admit or accept their situation. Others may have crossed into such a disorganized mental state that they can't tell between the true and the false. Most all have entered a state in which they no longer have a choice, they are compelled to drink by a physical allergy and a mental obsession to continue. This is where most alcoholics need medically supervised detox -

[boogieman]

Continued- alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening due to seizures or cardiac arrest. Initially the use of sedatives is required for the nervous system to begin to recover, and there will often be coinciding conditions such as depressive or anxiety disorders that can only be effectively treated by first removing the alcohol.
As far as initiating such treatment, it may be necessary to cut all support, financially or otherwise, if at all possibe, until she agrees to seek help. Meanwhile, no matter what happens, you have to take care of yourself, making use of support groups, counseling or other helpful things like this site. Not only does the alcoholic become sick, those close to them suffer from the condition as well. Hope this gives you some answers and please ask if you have questions or concerns. Take care, GM

[bbq33]

I am an acoholic. I have been solber for seven years. It is a desiese that affects millions of people. The person has to want to stop. Stopping for one night won't work because her mind is being consomed by the desiese. I would like it if you could go to an al-teen or al-non meeting to find out you are not alone in this family desiese. Others like yourself can share stories and discover solutions to the problem. It is not your fault and don't think you can fix it. She has to want it. She needs AA. AA changes the way a person lives and thinks. It relieves the burdon of craving alcohol and can restore people to their normal happy selves. I find it helps a lot of other addictions like smoking too. AA is just a happer way of living. Being able to talk to people that have the same desiese is a great tool. Shrinks and social workers can't understand what alcoholics go through but other AA members can. It only costs a dollar a meeting too. Many scientists, medical, drug rechursures, and social behavorises are working on the problem. AA's attitude is it doesn't matter if they haven't found a cure yet, we just get people solber.
Hang in there
bbq33