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Daughter of alcoholic
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Daughter of alcoholic

All my life I have been verbally and physically abuse by my alcoholic mother.  I have blocked out alot of it but I do remember is the slander.  My mom passed away in 2007 with pancreatic cancer.  The scars are still there.  I attemped suicide this past Feb because I thought I could not live without her.  For a daughter of an alcoholic why do I hurt to much and want to be with her?
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hi. i lost my dad to acute pancreatitis a few years ago and also tried to take my life not long afterward. i felt a lot of guilt because i am also an alcoholic and thought if only i had done something different, with all the knowledge i have about the condition, i could have saved him. i still miss him but i have come to see that i couldn't change what happened, and he would want me to stay sober myself and live. i have been through a lot of therapy and a lot of pain to get to today, and have been especially helped by the principles of programs like al-anon and aa, which i highly recommend. i didn't stay sober myself after he died, but now i have been sober almost 2 years, through what i have learned about the condition and myself. most importantly, i know that it was the alcohol calling the shots for both of us, and it turned both of us into very different people. i know it was not willpower or rational common sense that commanded either of our lives, and that like my dad, i did a lot of things under the influence that i would never do sober, things i wish i could take back. all i can do is try to make the most of the life i have remaining, however long it may be. it's natural for you to feel the way you do, but you can get through it and have peace in your life if you want it. the scars run deep in both the alcoholic and those close to them. but know there are people who care about you, and will help you find a solution that really works. it's not your fault, and the pain can be healed. hope this helps and take care,  gm
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Avatar_f_tn
You probably feel that you can't make it without your Mom because you had her in your life forever.  What you know of a Mother is for her to be abusive to you.  That is your norm.  You should know that you now have the power to change your life.  You can be happy without her in your life.  My father passed away in 2006 due to alcoholism.  For the last couple years of his life my life revolved around what was going on with him.  Was he ok?  Was he still alive?  The stress from this relationship created so much anger in my life.  So when he did pass away I cried and cried but I couldn't help but feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.  It might be terrible to say that but my whole life revolved around him.  So after his death I could finally move on and start focusing on my own life and making myself happy.  Just understand that you do not have to live an abusive life anymore you have the power to create a positive environment.  Good luck and hope you can find strength within yourself to become happy.
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Avatar_m_tn
I lost my mom 5 years ago to a brain tumor, so I know that dreadful feeling of no longer having a mom. It is normal for you to miss your mom even if she was abusive to you because after all she was the one that brought you into the world. You also have to realize she was not herself at all times considering the alcohol was changing her behavior to irrational. Therefore in a sense the alcohol was abusing you not really her but I know it is probably hard to see it that way.She should have considered getting help if alcoholism was making her abusive but she probably did not see it that way. My dad use to ger drunk and was sometimes verbally abusive and I would get so mad, but when he was sober he was a awesome person with a big loving heart so I had to seperate the 2 there was drunk dad and there was sober dad. He is not a alcoholic but when he does drink it can be intolerable sometimes. You have to think about the sober good times you had with your mom and that she did really love you it is just the alcohol was controlling her. when people are alcoholics they are not themselves. I'm so sorry that you had to to through a painful life emotionally and I'm sure you wish things could have been different between you and your mom try and forgive her and ask God for his guidance so that you can move on with life and get some peace. I will pray for you God bless and take care.
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