This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
how to help brother to stop drinking and wife to understand
My brother drinks cider evenings/weekends. His wife says he is depressed and wont go to AA meetings he has seen counsellers but they have told him it his choice! When is got him to think about and tell me what triggers a drink he told me the kids playing up (boys 10 and 12) they are rude, she has spolit them and they dont listen to him and trash the house, he has to cook 4 different meals each night, she won't cook, they boys say they don't like what they are given, even if they do so he is told to cook them something else, he has to do the shopping, housework and everything he is like a single parent, his wife won't do anything in the house and only works 10 hrs a week and that started 4 weeks ago she didn't work for 12 years. He says he cant cope with the kids and his wife expecting him to do all house chores/ cooking/ pick boys up from school. He has a full time physical job and just wants to sit down when he comes home. I have told his wife all this and she won't accept it she said it all started years ago when they met and i told her he had to do everything then but she naggs him to stop and get all her friends and relatives to tell him and he cant cope. I think she is lazy and he cant cope with it any more (17 years now). Don;t know what to suggest will AA help if she started taking care of house and boys would he stop has anyone please got any advice. Thanks so much
Yeah, he has to expect more from his kids. Apparently his wife is a lost cause and unless he leaves there is probably not much he can do about her. I doubt that she would to go couples therapy., or would she.
The boys are old enough to help around the house and certainly look after thei own cleanliness etc. He must stop making four different meals. He needs to consult the food guide and make sure that the one meal he serves is wholesome, If the kid do not eat that, then they eat nothing. Period.
If I were him, i would not be too fussy as far as housekeeping went. The boys are quite capable of getting a turn at cleaning the bathroom, the kitchen, taking out garbage. etc. If he is working , may be he could give them a little bit of an allowance, IF they helped out, If not, let it get dirty and messy, and just overlook it and watch sports, or whatever it is that makes him happy. That is about all one can do. At least it will give him time to relax a bit. He is going to have to be the disciplinarian. If the boys are too loud and do not listen then ground them to their rooms.
my brother's situation is EXACTLY the same. the only thing she does all day is spend money on home shopping network. he works construction all day (drinks the entire day) and then comes home and cooks and deals with his kids.
he say's he drinks because he cannot stand her anymore but is afraid to leave because of the kids. what good is he when he is trashed every night??
he was drinking before he met her and he is just an alcoholic who makes excuses to continue drinking. he is 49 yrs old and has been drinking since he was about 13. i am sure he will not live much longer. there is nothing i can do without the support of the rest of my family who really would rather not deal with it. he did quit drinking once and my mom told him 'you were a better son when you were a drunk'. aughghghgg
so sorry to hear about your brother's situation . My mother was not helpful at all when i was trying to get over an addiction. Nor was my husbands. All i wanted for my hubby , when i was supporting him through his last rehab, was for his family , in part or fully, to have just one family get together that was clean and sober. Just one day, a few hours to help my husband celebrate with his family his new clean and sober life. Notta Not one of them could commit to those couple of hours. I landed all over his sister and told her that she didn't deserve a brother. Then my name went from mud to $hit. Oh well, no great loss. I'm sorry that your mom is not backing up you or your brother. It must be so hard on you to watch this all go down. I hope that one day your brother wakes up to the possibilities of life without alcohol. Prayers to you and your family. xo Liz
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