This patient support community is for loved ones of people who drink and are trying to quit for discussions relating to abuse, behavioral issues, caring for yourself, counseling, divorce and separation, enabling, guilt, and when to get medical help.
I filed for divorce and dismissed it this week He says he didn't want a divorce. But I feel like he's just using me I work he doesn't and every time we're together he's drinking What fasinates me about him I love him and afraid to leave him.
This is a hard topic to cover. Your self love is very important, and you need to feel like you are worthy of better. No man should be allowed to use you. If you don't feel like you are receiving love back from your husband, then at the very least you need to take time for yourself. Maybe try a trial separation. You can split up for a bit, this will give him time to realize just how much you mean to him. It also, will give you a chance to figure out what is best for you. You both could even lie down rules for it, and consequences if the rules are broken.
My other advice I want to give you. Is that if you aren't going through with the divorce out of fear of being alone, you need to reevaluate that decision. Fear is never a good way to live. Fear takes over your life, and you have nothing to fear, for someone is out there for all of us. If you are truly sticking by him out of love, then you need to tell him how you feel. If he doesn't want to hear you out, and doesn't put in any effort to change...then is this the man God wanted you to be with?
A husband that comes from God will love you. A husband that comes fromGod will try to change for you. You need to love yourself enough to do what will make you happy. You are not meant to feel used and unloved. I will be praying for your marriage. I will be praying God opens your husbands eyes before he loses his blessing (that's you). May God bless your relationship, and you,
Kimberly has wonderful things to say above! I'd like to add: I attend al-anon which is a support group for people who live with a loved one who uses alcohol or other drugs to the extent of addiction. I'm by no means an expert on the subject; all I can do is share from my own experiences.
Alcohol addiction is a disease. Only complete sobriety can contain it, and only from day to day (which can easily stretch into years of sobriety). But few things can make us more nuts than expecting something from someone who has nothing more to give, and we may have spent years hoping someone will love us in a certain way, when that person with the disease cannot or will not.
This iI edited from our book:
Sometimes we need to let it all go. That doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system. We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account. By doing this we're taking care of ourselves and letting our loved one experience the consequences of his own actions (unfortunately, even if losing you is part of those consequences).
Al-anon is all over the world and local mtgs. can be found easily on-line. I wish you luck on what you choose to do. Best of luck in the future.
Hello sweetie, the thing i want to add here, after reading the wonderful advice from the member's above, is that if you do love him so much, you are doing him no favours by enabling him. I know that you're not doing this to harm him in any way, please don't think that i am. I know how much you care and love him. You need to be the one to intervene on your behalf and on his behalf. Al Anon can help you with this, to be sure. He needs to hit his bottom, in order that he takes responsibility for his life, so that he saves his life, his liver, his future. If, after you have given him an intervention, and stood by the conditions, he chooses life, well then you've both won haven't you? Give your life a chance to change and make it better for both of you. I know it's a lot of work, but the alternative is a lot of work too!! Be strong, and learn from other's, and you will be fine. The fact is, that should this not work out, you are a great match for someone else that does not have the problems of addiction. Please know that there are spirits at work all around you, and they with the universe will provide you with another mate, you don't have to be alone, should your husband choose to continue to waste his life. Where do you want to be in five years? Where you are? Or on a holiday somewhere, celebrating life? Please know that you needn't be alone through any of this, the members here, in Al Anon, will not let you down if you continue to reach out!!! Please keep posting, and don't internalize the pain that comes from your husband's choices. God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The Things I Can, And The Wisdom To Know The Difference!!
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