I am wondering how I can get him to stop drinking altogether? I would absolutely give up alcohol if it meant that it could help him and save his life so we could live together longer, but I can't get him to see that this is something he CAN'T control. He tells me (especially after a binge) that he will get it under control and I should trust him, but then a few days or weeks later, he is at it again and drunk. HELP!!
This is an age old problem, and as such , there's been alot of attention given to the solution of the problem of alcoholism, although there is no cure.
As a loved one of a alcoholic, your life is at risk. You can lose yourself in the wake of alcoholism, and when you do that , you risk enabling the addict because you are not in a strong position to help them.
You've probably heard the saying that Addiction is a "family disease", in that everyone connected to the addict get's sick because of the addiction. It is first suggested that the ones closest to the addict help themselves by finding an Alanon group and attending. Alanon is a huge organization with great online and in person meetings close to you. It helps the family and friends to have somewhere to go, to talk about the problems and find the best solution to help them live with the least harm to themselves, and provide healthy support for the recovery of the addict. It's where you learn how not to enable the addict in your life and move towards getting your own life back, as often the lives of those connected to an addict, have been hijacked. This is a wonderful support system for many.
As for you boyfriend, he's in the stage of alcoholism that is called denial.
Has your boyfriend had any consequences to his drinking, aside from it being a problem for you? Has he had DUI's or lost jobs, ? Has he driven when drunk ? Has he been physically abusive to you at all while drunk? Has he become aggressive and broken things in his home ? Has his relationships with family or friends suffered.?
Here's a quiz online that an alcoholic can take to see if they may be an alcoholic. Maybe you could ask him to take the survey for you, and it might help to break the ice and open the topic of conversation.?
Do you lose time at work due to drinking?
Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Have you had financial difficulties because of your drinking?
Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?
Does drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
Do you want to drink the next morning?
Does your drinking cause you have difficulty sleeping?
Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
Do you drink to escape worries or troubles?
Do you drink alone?
Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?
Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
Do you drink to build up your self confidence?
Have you ever been hospitalized or in an institution as a result of drinking?
I really appreciate your level of commitment to your boyfriend, saying that you would give up drinking yourself if it help him in his recovery. Indeed, if your boyfriend were to quit, it would be ideal that there be no drinking in the home and by the spouse. So thank you for that.
Your boyfriend says that alcohol is not something that he can't control, and yet he is admitting that he has no control, when he says that he'll get it under control. This is the type of confused logic that will continue as long as your boyfriend is actively using. And, alcoholism is a progressive disease, and so this is only the tip of the iceberg i'm afraid, You will see new lows continuously, new bottoms that should give sufficient fear to quit, but that may not stop him. It didn't stop me until i was 39 years old. In and out of rehabs. Using more and more different substances, as an addict will quit one vice to pick up another. Alcoholics will often quit alcoholic and say that they are "sober" only to pick up a legal prescription narcotic and feel that they are under the radar of their loved ones.
I'm afraid that the most prolific action you can take is to give the addict an ultimatum that if they do not take the steps to quit, that you will no longer support him while he is using a mind altering substance.
I lost custody of my 8 year old son until he was 12, and it was the ONLY true incentive I had to get myself healthy. I know that i wouldn't have done so for any other reason, other than my son. I did not love myself enough to have done so for myself, but i did love my son enough, and knew that he deserved more from me. In the process, i had to blood/urine test for over two years, every second day (self initiated).
An addict is quite capable of getting the help that they need, BUT they MUST WANT TO DO IT .....
I'm sorry that you are so upset by your bf's drinking. I hope that you think about going to Alanon .. I'll include the link below......
http://www.ola-is.org/ Online Meetings.
http://www.ndalanon.com/ Bismarck ND Meeting List.
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