cant stand the holidays

[charlydawn]

I wish we could just stay home for one christmas but for the past 8 years we have to go to my husbands grandma's house for christmas , which means I have to shift my holiday plans to make her happy, which I think is stupid having to drive 2 hours to get there then 2 hours home the roads are bad with idiots who dont know how to drive and almost hits us every year we have an close call, you would think that would make her think about having to have us there  but no she will start calling about the first on december to start bugging us to come, and when we get there no one really talks to us, plus we have to buy presents for people's kids we really dont know dont care to know . I just dont like being fake acting like i like these people when I could care less. I would just like a christmas to where I was not stuck in a car all day , I want to be able to start some christmas traditions for my son beside being on the road allll day long, I just feel like she is over stepping her bounds by having to have everybody at her house on christmas morning  at 10a.m., i guess his family makes me like my side of the family dont count for nothing cause I did not get to spend very many christmas with my dad before he died last year, and his family wont even anknowledge it and when i bring up my dad they negitive things to say. so I 'm really not looking forward going over there and faking that everything is ok, I want to tell them how I really feel but no my husband said i should not say anything cause it might  rock the boat, I dont understand his family they can do such mean under handed things to one another but the mintue you start to tell them the what for they all jump to that person recuse  like their such a perfect person who dont deserve it, see in my family people would tell you to your face what they thought of you a least that way you knew where you stood, my husband thinks my  family is cruel for doing that and think his family is of idiot's for what they do.

[LeftCoastChick]

You're right, your husband has grown up doing certain things. He is going to have to learn that you are number one, when it comes to your own nuclear family. He has to let go and celebrate with you and make your own xmas, sure drop by with presents, spend a bit of time. but god, not the whole day. If you're saying you the wicked witch, it sounds like there is more problems then just xmas visits. Could he be attached to apron strings by chance?  Unfortunately, it sounds like you married his family as well. Be strong, assert yourself in the smaller things and gradually move that assertion up a notch, you might be suprised next time if you say no, how they may react.

[charlydawn]

thanks guys for the kind words I understand I should say no but my husband has gone to his grandma's house since he was a kid , but i believe there a time to let go, but that me being the wicked witch of the west again lol, it seems like the "sane " are crazier than I'm am. I hate family togetherness yuck. It just when i'm there I feel like the walls are closing in. plus i have to be on my good behavior the whole time boo lol

[monkeyc]

It can be hard, I mean my wife has taken all sorts of **** this year from her family and so did I but then again her dad just died and she is living with this crazy person so I have to make some allowances.

I still say that family is fine but remember the Manson Family....

Mind you i am willing to swap my sister in law for old charlie - at least he only howls at the moon and kills people.

[LeftCoastChick]

Sorry I was short in my post, but at some point we have to stop being emotional doormats. On my last visit to my parents in August, my uncle invited the family out for lunch. This uncle has done nothing but critcize me, belittle me and make me feel as the unsuccessful family member. I tolf my mum flat out that I would not go with them. I was pleasant, engaging when he waited in the living room, but I let him know I had other plans. I hadn't been back home in 5 yrs or so, but he was not worth the stress and putting on a false face. (I also know if he had made a criticism I would have blasted him  hehe)

You know some folks are going to speak out if you say no,  but in the long run you will have a lot more respect for yourself, and from others :)

[monkeyc]

Tell me about it - my wife and I have been married 7 years and together 10 and her family have put me through a living hell this year and I am still expected to drive and hour down the coast in the terrifying traffic to spend a day with people I loathe who managed to insult me in every way this year and make me feel ashamed to be bipolar to boot.

Obligation she calls it.

Ive been wanting to go away every year for the last 7 years and no.

This is the last year.

So cheer up ok, youre not alone, and if you need to talk, hey we are here.

Families, cant live with them cant hack them to death with a chainsaw and bury the body parts in the back yard. Tried it, could not get the chainsaw to start !

Chin up, smile and do what I do - look at how the 'sane' people behave and wonder just who is mentally ill.

[LeftCoastChick]

You are going to have to learn the word NO.