Aa
I can't do this right now
As many of you know I cycle up and down with depression and fatigue. I just got back from my new PCP (old one retired). New one doesn't "buy" that I feel I am unable to work. At each visit he urges me to find something I can do, to make use of my knowledge, to continue to be productive. As I try to explain my fatigue, he suggests things like, arranging to take a nap in the day, or some other inane suggestion. I struggle to answer a few questions here before I need to lie back and close my eyes until the world stops whirling. I have about 3 hours of useful energy a day broken into five or six hitches.
I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful. Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it." I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.
I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them. I can only ask, "Fight with what?" I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry. The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours. Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board. I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.
The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired. All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now. I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.
That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes. I miss the person I was! I was good at it! I don;t want to be this way! q
I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful. Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it." I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.
I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them. I can only ask, "Fight with what?" I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry. The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours. Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board. I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.
The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired. All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now. I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.
That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes. I miss the person I was! I was good at it! I don;t want to be this way! q
hi folks,
i just want to point out that this is a really old post from 2007 - you're still welcome to post your comments.
Lulu
i just want to point out that this is a really old post from 2007 - you're still welcome to post your comments.
Lulu
My sentiment echoes everyone else's here, Quix. When I came to this forum I was scared, worried and confused. You were one of the first people to greet me and help me understand this disease and helped me regain my focus. You helped give me hope for my future. You put so much into helping everyone here and I hope you realize how big of an impact you have. My heart goes out to you and if there were any way I could help carry your burden, I wouldn't hesitate. Please take care of yourself; you're the only Quix we have!
To quix,
I know that Drs. have to stay detached or the emotions would get in the way of them preforming there job, but it kills me when they make comments about something they have never experienced. For someone who has never felt true fatigue you have no idea what it is like. Even well meaning Drs say stupid stuff. You are great.
Alex
I know that Drs. have to stay detached or the emotions would get in the way of them preforming there job, but it kills me when they make comments about something they have never experienced. For someone who has never felt true fatigue you have no idea what it is like. Even well meaning Drs say stupid stuff. You are great.
Alex
So sorry for "stupid" Dr's --that is my word of the day--stupid. "Stupid is as stupid does" LOL and the did stupid.
You are like the elastic for us, even the short time I have read and posted here, not dx myself, you hold it together, so many people appreciate and need you.
Here is to hoping tomorrow is better for you. Wish I could make it so. Hope maybe I made you laugh.
hugs,
Tracy
You are like the elastic for us, even the short time I have read and posted here, not dx myself, you hold it together, so many people appreciate and need you.
Here is to hoping tomorrow is better for you. Wish I could make it so. Hope maybe I made you laugh.
hugs,
Tracy
Sorry about the empty space above. Pressed the wrong key as typing in the dark.
Quix, perhaps you can borrow my doctor, one of whih is not an ms specialist and she is very young which would imply she she does not have extensive knowledge about ms. Well, she does not. But, boy she is very compassionate and supportive. Even though she can not do much for me other than prescribe the medicine my consultant asks her, she has asked me to see her as much and as often as I like, if it helps me. Yes, I was only dignosed last week only and talking does help enormously.
Every day is not a good day for everyone,perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I get the feeling all those people that replied to your message really need you (incl me). Your knowledge and encouragement gives people strengh and motivation.
Janey1
Quix, perhaps you can borrow my doctor, one of whih is not an ms specialist and she is very young which would imply she she does not have extensive knowledge about ms. Well, she does not. But, boy she is very compassionate and supportive. Even though she can not do much for me other than prescribe the medicine my consultant asks her, she has asked me to see her as much and as often as I like, if it helps me. Yes, I was only dignosed last week only and talking does help enormously.
Every day is not a good day for everyone,perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I get the feeling all those people that replied to your message really need you (incl me). Your knowledge and encouragement gives people strengh and motivation.
Janey1
Yay Quix, I am so glad you are back! Big group cheer and hug!
Omg that is major ironic with the doctor's nephew. I watched that movie and loved it. I swear if I was a doctor I would lay awake at night thinking about my patients and wondering if I was missing something, some way to help them or what was wrong with them.
Quix am so thankful for your insight to my situation and your help. I think we all feel like we are flailing about treading water and need rescue. Your words were an huge help to me. Thank you so much.
I am amazed how I find my thoughts being spoken out by others here on the forum. (big smile).
"I used to be a very laid back, easy going person and have found myself becoming more and more defensive the past few years for fear of being deemed "easily disposable" to these particular physicians"
Jules that is me to a T. I dont' like how this whole thing is changing me. I want to be the person I was.. not this unwelcome, altered version of myself.
My mind is styrofoam today, I hope I am making sense. I can't even think how to spell and have to keep looking things up. :( Lord I can't think straight. There was a ton more I wanted to say, but it has left the white matter diseased building. Lmao (have to laugh or cry)
Jazzy
Omg that is major ironic with the doctor's nephew. I watched that movie and loved it. I swear if I was a doctor I would lay awake at night thinking about my patients and wondering if I was missing something, some way to help them or what was wrong with them.
Quix am so thankful for your insight to my situation and your help. I think we all feel like we are flailing about treading water and need rescue. Your words were an huge help to me. Thank you so much.
I am amazed how I find my thoughts being spoken out by others here on the forum. (big smile).
"I used to be a very laid back, easy going person and have found myself becoming more and more defensive the past few years for fear of being deemed "easily disposable" to these particular physicians"
Jules that is me to a T. I dont' like how this whole thing is changing me. I want to be the person I was.. not this unwelcome, altered version of myself.
My mind is styrofoam today, I hope I am making sense. I can't even think how to spell and have to keep looking things up. :( Lord I can't think straight. There was a ton more I wanted to say, but it has left the white matter diseased building. Lmao (have to laugh or cry)
Jazzy
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