Aa
Can't Go Much Longer
I was diagnosed with Grave's over two years ago. The racing heart (machine gun) and goiter were the first signs, but then came anger. I was put on Endurol (?) and Tapazole and after each blood test the doctor decreased my dose. I could feel symptoms coming back but she kept saying the test results were OK. Early on I was wrestless all the time and hungry. Couldn't stop or rest. Eventually she took me completely off the medicine. Within a couple months I was rushed to the hospital because one morning my heart was about to explode and I dialed 911. (I actually felt like it was stopping, but it was going so fast they couldn't even get a pulse at first.. until they shot me with some stuff on the ambulance.) I was there a couple days... went through all sorts of stuff and drugs... and my heart settled down after they gave me some of the Tapazole I used to take... and now I take Xanax also... For a time before the ambulance call, a doctor had me on Paxil for mood swings... but I took myself off of that since it seemed to be making me worse. I actually think the Paxil combined with atenolol caused my heart problem a month ago and now I'm mad about how the docs caused me to have another bill I will never be able to pay.
Now I'm on 40 mg of Tapazole but I am tired, hopeless and depressed... It gets BAD. When I'm not down, I'm upset and irritated and BITTER about life. I sometimes feel like I hate all living things. I'd been suspended from work for my anger and I've been sent to shrinks a couple times... To be honest with you folks, I want to die. I can't go on like this. I thought the doctor was going to shut the thyroid down... It's killing me and I can't do these drugs much longer. Do I really have Graves? My symptoms seem much worse than Graves although I still have a goiter and diarrhea in the mornings. (She said I don't have nodules.) I have severe RAGE, uncontrollable emotions and deep, dark depressions. I can change in minutes. But I just can't do it much longer. The goiter is still there and many nights I feel like I'm choking to death. That's usually when the palpitations are worse also--right after I lay down. I absolutely hate my life and everything about it. I can't even do my job any more. Can you offer suggestions? I know women get this more often, but I'm a male in my late 30s.
I changed endocronologists and the new one is already passing me onto someone else who is supposed to give me the radio-iodine... My regular doctor won't even see me any more. Will I be like this long after they kill it? I can't afford to be.
Now I'm on 40 mg of Tapazole but I am tired, hopeless and depressed... It gets BAD. When I'm not down, I'm upset and irritated and BITTER about life. I sometimes feel like I hate all living things. I'd been suspended from work for my anger and I've been sent to shrinks a couple times... To be honest with you folks, I want to die. I can't go on like this. I thought the doctor was going to shut the thyroid down... It's killing me and I can't do these drugs much longer. Do I really have Graves? My symptoms seem much worse than Graves although I still have a goiter and diarrhea in the mornings. (She said I don't have nodules.) I have severe RAGE, uncontrollable emotions and deep, dark depressions. I can change in minutes. But I just can't do it much longer. The goiter is still there and many nights I feel like I'm choking to death. That's usually when the palpitations are worse also--right after I lay down. I absolutely hate my life and everything about it. I can't even do my job any more. Can you offer suggestions? I know women get this more often, but I'm a male in my late 30s.
I changed endocronologists and the new one is already passing me onto someone else who is supposed to give me the radio-iodine... My regular doctor won't even see me any more. Will I be like this long after they kill it? I can't afford to be.
Thanks, everyone, for understanding. I feel a little better now even though I got kicked out of the therapist's office a few hours ago. I think my job is safe, though, because I wasn't on probation this time. They were just suggesting I try it...again. Last winter I was suspended for a few weeks until I was put on shrink drugs and allowed to come back. I was exploding on the management at work, usually during times of stress and pressure. Some of it was so bad I couldn't even remember saying it but was told about it later. It was stuff I normally wouldn't dream of saying to anyone... Lately, though, they say I'm "withdrawn" and "despondent," and that they're afraid I could be heading toward more episodes.
If I remember, I will request some of my past records. It seems like they could let me have them.
When I first started having the symptoms my heart would pound so fast and hard that I was shaking in bed... and there was this sickening, squirmy feeling in my throat that made me dizzy and felt like it was choking me. I thought I was hyperventilating. My heart doesn't quite do THAT any more, but sometimes it still feels funny...like I have two of them in there. I could swear I feel worse mentally and emotionally since I've been back on the Tapazol and the atenolol... I was on the other heart medicine before and it didn't seem to bother me so much. Has anyone experienced problems with atenolol--like even worse depression and moods? Maybe it's just me.
The mental stuff is the worse for me right now. I do regret hearing that you can still have nasty symptoms even after the RAI, which is what "THEY" (the three doctors) seem to be working toward. I guess I'll know more next week.
Thanks again. I really appreciate all of you. It's nice to know I'm not the only man that's had this. But I bet I could be one of the skinniest...at 109 lbs.
I
If I remember, I will request some of my past records. It seems like they could let me have them.
When I first started having the symptoms my heart would pound so fast and hard that I was shaking in bed... and there was this sickening, squirmy feeling in my throat that made me dizzy and felt like it was choking me. I thought I was hyperventilating. My heart doesn't quite do THAT any more, but sometimes it still feels funny...like I have two of them in there. I could swear I feel worse mentally and emotionally since I've been back on the Tapazol and the atenolol... I was on the other heart medicine before and it didn't seem to bother me so much. Has anyone experienced problems with atenolol--like even worse depression and moods? Maybe it's just me.
The mental stuff is the worse for me right now. I do regret hearing that you can still have nasty symptoms even after the RAI, which is what "THEY" (the three doctors) seem to be working toward. I guess I'll know more next week.
Thanks again. I really appreciate all of you. It's nice to know I'm not the only man that's had this. But I bet I could be one of the skinniest...at 109 lbs.
I
Hey, I know that feels miserable. I was diagnosed with Graves 7 years ago, and i had the radioactive iodine, it took a while to get my dosage right, but it was the best thing I could've done. I wish they would've diagnosed me a long time before that. If this is an option that you've been thinking about, please talk to your doc. You will feel so much better and you'll never believe that you felt as bad as you do now. You deserve to feel normal! Good luck and my prayers are with you.
hi ed,
im new on here, signed up because i have an overactive thyroid and have had it for 4yrs now, got graves disease 6mths after they diagnose the thyroid problem.
the docs aint that quick to act on your problems, before they diagnosed it, i kept going to the docs because i almost lost my job, i was like a walking time bomb just waiting to explode. i would keep pushing the docs, ive been through a lot with the thyroid so feel free to ask ill try and help.
im new on here, signed up because i have an overactive thyroid and have had it for 4yrs now, got graves disease 6mths after they diagnose the thyroid problem.
the docs aint that quick to act on your problems, before they diagnosed it, i kept going to the docs because i almost lost my job, i was like a walking time bomb just waiting to explode. i would keep pushing the docs, ive been through a lot with the thyroid so feel free to ask ill try and help.
Hello Ed and welcome to the forum!!
I, too, am a Graves patient and can relate with most of the symptoms that you are describing. I was diagnosed in late 2005 and had RAI pretty quickly, the Thursday before New Years 2006. At that time I had tremors, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, was crying all the time and even had some of the anger. The RAI really helped me and from recent ultrasounds, my thyroid is now half its normal size and not functioning anymore.
My first endo doc was decent in the beginning, but I have since found out (after switching) that she wasn't that good. She didn't even recognize my thyroiditis that I had during the 2 weeks after my RAI and missed other symptoms the first part of this year. None-the-less, I am with a new endo doc--a very good one--and on the road to finding my optimum dose. I was over-medicated back into the hyper area and had a hospital ER visit back on May 13-- 5 months later, I'm still working on getting better.
I was laid off from my job in the mortgage business last November, and haven't been working since that time--which I guess is good considering all of the ups and downs with trying to get meds right. I was even put on Ativan a couple of times to calm me down (a form of valium).
I know where you are coming from for sure!! This forum has helped me a lot and validated a lot of my symptoms too. You will need the support of this forum and of your parents. Including lots of kleenex boxes, etc.......
FYI--my husband went through prostate cancer a few years ago, received a hormone shot that lasted 4 months, and cried A LOT during that time!!! No shame in crying!!!!!
In any case--welcome to the forum. I go to it every day, sometimes just lurking and other times posting. Here's to good health, finding a good doctor..... and Remission!!!!!! It WILL happen!!!
Lori
I, too, am a Graves patient and can relate with most of the symptoms that you are describing. I was diagnosed in late 2005 and had RAI pretty quickly, the Thursday before New Years 2006. At that time I had tremors, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, was crying all the time and even had some of the anger. The RAI really helped me and from recent ultrasounds, my thyroid is now half its normal size and not functioning anymore.
My first endo doc was decent in the beginning, but I have since found out (after switching) that she wasn't that good. She didn't even recognize my thyroiditis that I had during the 2 weeks after my RAI and missed other symptoms the first part of this year. None-the-less, I am with a new endo doc--a very good one--and on the road to finding my optimum dose. I was over-medicated back into the hyper area and had a hospital ER visit back on May 13-- 5 months later, I'm still working on getting better.
I was laid off from my job in the mortgage business last November, and haven't been working since that time--which I guess is good considering all of the ups and downs with trying to get meds right. I was even put on Ativan a couple of times to calm me down (a form of valium).
I know where you are coming from for sure!! This forum has helped me a lot and validated a lot of my symptoms too. You will need the support of this forum and of your parents. Including lots of kleenex boxes, etc.......
FYI--my husband went through prostate cancer a few years ago, received a hormone shot that lasted 4 months, and cried A LOT during that time!!! No shame in crying!!!!!
In any case--welcome to the forum. I go to it every day, sometimes just lurking and other times posting. Here's to good health, finding a good doctor..... and Remission!!!!!! It WILL happen!!!
Lori
Hey Ed - I agree - talk with AR. He is a typing book of knowledge on this subject.
My daughter went through the same thing as you at the age of 14. I thought we were going to lose her. She went from honor student to failing out of school, listless, no interests in friends or anything else. She talked about dying. It was awful. She had all the symptoms but I thought it was the epilepsy meds she was on and it wasn't until I took her back and said to take her off meds - rather have a seizure than kill herself, that they checked her thyroid. Same as you - off the charts. She had the RAI and it took a long time (she's now 24) and still swings back and forth but I think she's getting better.
I haven't been on this site long ( I have Hashi's) but I am beginning to understand that this doesn't go away but it can get better. You can't give up. Let the people on this site help you. Oh and BTW, my husband is healthy as a horse and he still cries - no shame in it.
My daughter went through the same thing as you at the age of 14. I thought we were going to lose her. She went from honor student to failing out of school, listless, no interests in friends or anything else. She talked about dying. It was awful. She had all the symptoms but I thought it was the epilepsy meds she was on and it wasn't until I took her back and said to take her off meds - rather have a seizure than kill herself, that they checked her thyroid. Same as you - off the charts. She had the RAI and it took a long time (she's now 24) and still swings back and forth but I think she's getting better.
I haven't been on this site long ( I have Hashi's) but I am beginning to understand that this doesn't go away but it can get better. You can't give up. Let the people on this site help you. Oh and BTW, my husband is healthy as a horse and he still cries - no shame in it.
WOW...that was like reading a post from a male me!
Whoa be the person who is unfortanate enough to be the one closest to me when the graves rages finally goes supernova.
I got a tag team of docs trying to fingure out why I am doing what you are descibing. I will let you know if they come up with anytthing.
peace be the journey
Paja (HyperT-graves, post RAI, not on replacements and ON THE EDGE with all they crazy symptoms)
Whoa be the person who is unfortanate enough to be the one closest to me when the graves rages finally goes supernova.
I got a tag team of docs trying to fingure out why I am doing what you are descibing. I will let you know if they come up with anytthing.
peace be the journey
Paja (HyperT-graves, post RAI, not on replacements and ON THE EDGE with all they crazy symptoms)
Ed ~ yes, make good friends with AR. He's one of the few men on the board and he's been through a lot of what you're going through. Because of what he's been through, he has a lot of knowledge.
Keep posting on the forum. I think you'll find that you get the support you need, and get most of your questions answered. And hey ~ you might even laugh a little bit, because we sure can get a little crazy sometimes!
Hang in there. Better days are ahead.
Lori
Keep posting on the forum. I think you'll find that you get the support you need, and get most of your questions answered. And hey ~ you might even laugh a little bit, because we sure can get a little crazy sometimes!
Hang in there. Better days are ahead.
Lori
Ed,
AR-10 knows of what he speaks! We've decided his wife has put up with so much from him that she deserves sainthood.
Seriously, AR has been to he// and back with thyroid problems and, yeah, that guy cries sometimes too (when he's not just irritating his wife or the women on the forum). :-)
We're all here for you.
Hang in there.
AR-10 knows of what he speaks! We've decided his wife has put up with so much from him that she deserves sainthood.
Seriously, AR has been to he// and back with thyroid problems and, yeah, that guy cries sometimes too (when he's not just irritating his wife or the women on the forum). :-)
We're all here for you.
Hang in there.
Hey Ed,
I'm 52, I think, and I haven't worked since last September. I've been where you have been and I'm living on Alprasolam(xanax).
I went two years of having periods of depression and feelings of futility and wanting to die. And crying at margarine commercials on TV at the dinner table. I hate TV at the dinner table, but I digress...
Some days I'd cry a dozen times for little reason.
Some days I couldn't even get out of bed to shower.
All the symptoms, all the life changing aspects, all the financial problems, all the "who the h*ll is going to fix me?".
It gets better. Finding a good doctor is hard. Once you find one, things get better in a hurry.
I'm 52, I think, and I haven't worked since last September. I've been where you have been and I'm living on Alprasolam(xanax).
I went two years of having periods of depression and feelings of futility and wanting to die. And crying at margarine commercials on TV at the dinner table. I hate TV at the dinner table, but I digress...
Some days I'd cry a dozen times for little reason.
Some days I couldn't even get out of bed to shower.
All the symptoms, all the life changing aspects, all the financial problems, all the "who the h*ll is going to fix me?".
It gets better. Finding a good doctor is hard. Once you find one, things get better in a hurry.
before my surgery, when i was at my worst, my irritability was overwhelming. i would snap at people for little or no reason. . .if i got hot in a restaurant, i could ruin the evening for everyone in seconds flat. . .i understand the anxiety, anger and everything else that comes with graves. . .but again, with the proper treatment, it gets better. i promise.
keeping looking for an endo. . .who gets it, they're out there.
have you thought of surgery as an alternative to the RAI?
keeping looking for an endo. . .who gets it, they're out there.
have you thought of surgery as an alternative to the RAI?
I've been on some meds... but they are still looking for the right one... I don't want to keep eating Xanax....
Please try to relax, Ed. You have to keep calm, because stress only makes it worse. Are you on any anxiety medication? I can really help....
Hmmm try to direct your anger towards something else.. Like a hobby..or FISHING yeah love fishing...Just yell or scream into a pillow or outside.. you only make yourself feel worse by yelling at someone
Yes, my folks know all about it... My stepdad has cancer and is in better shape than I am... I'm a bachelor...no kids either... It's probably best that way, because I can't even hardly live with myself much less others.. I almost lost my job twice... because of anger outbursts directed at mainly management... Went through suspensions... Some co-workers helped save my job... but the counseling and shrink dope didn't help...
Hey there...There is no shame in crying... Yes I have done alot of that tooo!! The methimazole has been helping alot.. Your body is just crazy right now... YOU WILL get better,
Aww, Ed.
Did you tell your parents what is happening? You need some support. Are you closed with your family???
Did you tell your parents what is happening? You need some support. Are you closed with your family???
Since I don't know any of you... I can admit... Even though most men don't cry...or don't want to admit they have... I have cried a lot lately... I would never say this to a woman face to face... but this is the Internet... I hate these feelings... I have to go off to the bathroom at work so no one sees... I broke down at my folks' place tonight when they asked how I am... I'm just glad I'm a man, because I can't imagine a woman with menstrual problems and kids, etc., dealing with something like this on top of that...
I appreciate the concern... Nice to know that folks understand... even women.
I appreciate the concern... Nice to know that folks understand... even women.
Dear Ed:
You don't have any of your test results at all? It's okay if you don't, but they would be helpful. I'm glad you have an appointment next week. Try to remain calm and just type away on this forum. We are here. We will listen.
You don't have any of your test results at all? It's okay if you don't, but they would be helpful. I'm glad you have an appointment next week. Try to remain calm and just type away on this forum. We are here. We will listen.
Okay next week is good!! Im pretty new here too. But there are many people here which are very educated on this thyroid stuff... You should already be relieved..these people care and will listen to you.
I am supposed to see the third specialist next week... He is in Madeira, Ohio... The second doctor directed me to him because he handles the iodine stuff....or whatever...and the other two are just pill doctors... From what I read, though, it sounds like the "ablation" (?) might not be the end of it... I just hate whatever this disease is.
Whew, Ed. I'm glad you replied. You should get a copy of your results. It will help us help you. Rule #1. Most Endos suk. Especially your first Endo. They all have too many patients because there are many diabetics, and most Endos specialize in that, not Thyroid. You need a Thyroid Specialist. Did you have any scans or ultrasounds or sonograms??? When is your next appointment with this new Endo??
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