So yoyu are ANGRY .. a bad thyroid day, the pathology report not so great, you've accepted the diagnosis but now the Anger sets in ... HOW DID YOU HANDLE it? What did you do .. good & bad .. share with us here ...

[ChitChatNine]

Anger .. so important to "get it out" but how did you do that ....................yes, a personal question indeed ............ will be interesting to see your replies; I'll hold off with my answer 'til later ... yeah, I did have anger but as CarMan said in prior post that anger can be turned into something better and for me .. well, I don't take any one day for granted and it has made me a better person once I worked thru it ................

Cheryl

[Nyxie63]

Vent alert!

My first reaction isn't usually anger.  It's panic.  My second reaction is to research the heck outta whatever the lab/imaging reports say.  The anger sets in once I know enough about "whatever" and realize the doc probably has his/her own agenda and I'm being played.

In the past year, I've seen 9 different doctors for various problems.  What cheezes me the most is that all the problems are related!  Each and every time, I've given the doc my full symptoms list.  

I've been told that I'm just getting old.  I've been told it's perimenopause.  I've been told to have surgery.  I've been told not to have surgery.  I've been told that I'm a "nervous patient".  I've been told they can't do anything for me.  I've been told I'm normal.  I've been told it's all in my head.  I've been told if I only modify my diet, I'll get well again.  I've been told by one doc that he recommends all his patients just shoot themselves when they get over 30 years old.

I've been tested, poked, prodded, given close to a gallon of blood one tube at a time, and been violated in every way possible - no orifice has gone unexamined - literally.  

And during all this time, I'm the one who's had to lead the doctors by the nose.  I'm the one who's researched my symptoms.  I'm the one who's asked for specific testing and been right 95% of the time.  

Why the heck have I been paying these guys??????

Finally, I've found a doctor who actually gives a rat's be-hind.  Finally, he looked at everything that's been going on and put it all together.  Finally, I have a diagnosis.  

I have lyme disease.

This is what's causing the thyroid problems, the digestive problems, the other endocrine problems, the neuro problems, etc.  Considering the state I live in is #2 on the lyme ranking list (for having the most cases) I have to seriously wonder if the docs I saw previously had their heads planted firmly in the sand (or elsewhere).  

My current doc even said that my symptoms were "classic" for lyme.  Why did ALL the previous docs miss this??????  Furthermore, I'm the one who insisted I get tested for this.  One doc refused to test me for lyme when I asked her to.

In the past week, I've dismissed two more docs who have either said they can't do anything for me or have decided that since I went to someone else for lyme treatment, they'll try to make money off me in some other way.  I'm so done.  I'm down to two docs now - the ENT and the lyme doc, and I'm fairly fed up with the ENT.

I haven't figured out how to get rid of the anger.  In the meantime, I've been using it.  It's given me the strength to keep moving on.   It's given me the strength to keep looking for an answer.  I hope it continues to be a source of strength.  It's all I have left anymore.

/venting

[ChitChatNine]

In simple terms I get angered by the Dr's lack of compassion dealing with this type of Cancer:  "You have more of a chance being run over by a car than dying from thyroid cancer" .... "Any other pathology lab would have missed these small tumor upon final biopsy" ... "This type of cancer is nothing; I wouldn't even consider taking out the other side .. "  Nothing?  Is it in his chart?  Then he changed his tune when his partner the endo told him that the protocol technically has changed and states 'this type of cancer" needs to be further addressed ....

ANGERED AT STATS and how easily the med professionals LEAN ON THE STATS to comfort THEMSELVES when they speak about thyroid cancer bcz they, themselves, don't deal with it all the time and I think THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLE THEMSELVES and rely on the stats but when the stats fall short they are on their own and usually what comes out of their mouths can get a patient very ANGRY.

C :::)))

[ChitChatNine]

My Turn -->  A N G E R ... It wasn't until I let the madness be felt and come out of me from deep inside that I was able to continue to heal.  I just couldn't let myself get mad bcz I actually felt guilty for feeling angry when others were dealing with other types of cancer which were much more life threatening for them than mine was for me .. after I got past that hurdle and realized this is ME and not anybody else I am dealing with, I began to not only feel my feelings but get ANGRY and go through the Why Me phase and I cried and cried and cried behind closed doors (I have 4 kids) and put up a false front to those around me .. after all, I was the strong one and am always seen as the supermom ... when I broke through my own denial I was able to get mad mad mad .... and then something else happened .. I began to be ok with this ..... I put on makeup, dressed up out of sweats and let the silk scarf dangle below the incision.

I was ANGRY because I felt after years of atypical skin moles being resectioned bit by bit with ugly scars (I do not heal well) and some other non-life threatening but scary health concerns with my kidneys, colonoscopy, gallbladder I got really MAD that NOW MY THYROID TOO and this time IT GOT ME with the BIG C as in CANCER.

It took me weeks to go out in public bcz I WAS NOT comfortable with the papillary microcarcinoma diagnosis .. how could I talk about something to people when I did not feel comfortable with it myself?  I withdrew.  I sat in the car at school pickup time to avoid people asking how I was.  And if they got to ask me .. I said, "oh I am ok ... I am doing well"  .. I never was able to say the C word ...

Then one day somebody told me there is no timeframe on acceptance .... some never 100% accept it and that is ok, too, as long as you don't deny yourself medical treatment masked by denial, etc.  From that one day I realized I WAS NORMAL and WOULD BE OK .. I was beating myself up thinking I should have accepted all this by now and what is wrong with me .. a viscous cycle.

Once I began to just take this as a new chapter in my life and go with day to day I began to heal both physically and emotinally.

Today it is just a part of my life such as waking up and going to sleep and the first cup of coffee in the morning; do I think about it .. yeah.  Does it scare me .. yeah, sometimes.  Do I let it control me .. NO  NEVER.

You mind can be your worst enemy and you can only fear fear itself ....

Cheryl (1/07 partial ..orig nodules benign .. 2 pap micro's found upon final biopsy .. Melanoma Stage I VERY early found and cured 6 mos later in 6/07 .. what a year!)

[utahmomma]

Corduroy - vent all you want!  It makes me want to choke the thyroid out of people when they call it the "good" cancer!  Either choke them or let them go through weeks of hypohell - it's a toss-up.

Stay strong and talk to us all you can.  The hypohell is rough!

[corduroy1975]

Well, I was diagnosed with papillary cancer on Dec. 23/07.  I had a left thyroidectomy on Dec. 7/07 and then a TT on Feb. 4/08.  I'm definitely ticked off over this.  I have a 14 month old baby girl and am madder than heck that this is happening.  However, I'm also thankful that I have my baby girl b/c she keeps my head in check with just having fun and playing.  I have felt sorry for myself and still do on many an occasion.  I think it's **** and unfair.  I'm really mad that I have to be isolated for 7 days after RAI and the hospital provides no isolation rooms.  I have no idea where I'm going to stay.  I know people mean well, but I'm really sick of hearing that I have the good cancer.  

thanks for letting me vent

[Liz94]

I haven't quite worked through my anger about this yet. I did cry all the way home when I was told I had a nodule that looked "suspicious."  Then when it came back positive for cancer I was just numb. I'm still reeling with all of this. I wanted it to be done, fixed, and behind me. Apparently there's a higher power that is saying I'm not done yet and maybe that's because I haven't addressed it. I don't know. I'm free of cancer but I'm now battling the side effects of what made the cancer go away. And I'm mad as heck that this has affected the quality of my life in such a way that it has.

[AR-10]

I haven't.

[utahmomma]

I didn't really get angry with my diagnosis because it was removed before I even knew what was hitting me.  But . . . with each sister who was diagnosed (especially the youngest who had it spread throughout her breasts and neck) and then my 16-year old daughter is was *Furious*.

Anger is a good thing though - it's an ACTION emotion.  It's so much better than just sitting and feeling sorry for yourself.  Anger makes you get things done.

Probably the most healing things I've done is:
1- take charge of my health and *demand* that my doctors take me seriously
2- fire my endocrinologist
3- research the heck out of this condition
4- find this support group
5- share my experiences with others here to help them through this mess.  No one helped me through it and I don't want to leave anyone else in that boat.

[redhed87]

When I was diagnosed with cancer- I think I was more in shock.  I then did get mad because I was perfectly healthy before and then WHAM- I felt like an 80 year old woman.  I decided that maybe the reason for this was for me to educate others and help out somehow.  I recently did Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society.  My team raised close to $5000.  They had a survivor's dinner as well as a ceremony where I got my "Miss America" sash.  It was truly healing.  I guess I felt validated.  I am not an "angry" person by nature so I guess I took a bad situation and did something good with it.