Aftercare, therapist

[freshstart01]

Okay- so I made my appt. I was against aftercare, and have been detoxed for 43 days, but use a pill at 16 / or 19 days. Been on and off 1 to 2 pills every other day ad needed. Haven't fell back into the 15 a day . However, I constantly think of pills, so I listened to u all and found a counselor, which focuses on addiction/depression. I took a pill yesterday for pain. My question is. Where do I begin?  What do
I say?  So nervous.

[freshstart01]

I'm stuck. Not in a good place. Don't even know what else to say. I can't stop taking , 1 or 2, . Got a refill. I'm disgusted . Feel hopeless. I can't quit. Maybe not string enough, don't want to give up, but this is ******* hard!!!!!!

[atthebeach]

kim
you emotions are on a roller coaster ride now. please give yourself time to heal. i am so proud of you that you are going to therapy, let is all out. counseling will help so much with your healing. time,time,time thats it step by step you are doing it. dont expect too much so soon, then you wont be disappointed in yourself. please try to be patient. keep the faith, believe,hope and trust.
continued blessings
debbie

[freshstart01]

Well, my therapy was great ! I leave there and don't feel like an addict. Feel normal. They really know how to help you deal with life if pills aren't around. Little by little, step by step.

[freshstart01]

Thanks Sarah. Yesterday I felt, laughed, cried. Made jokes with friends.... Today I woke up crying. Can't snap out of it. Of I had a pill I would take it. That's what is depressing me. My brain s ucks.

[dominosarah]

Awesome job on getting rid of that pill!!  Your emotions will be all over the place right now.  That is a good thing as you are starting to feel again.  Using is no longer an option, recovering is~~~sara

[freshstart01]

Thanks Sam. How did u feel this weekend? I get cranky then happy then cranky. Roller coaster. I just want to be 2 weeks without 1 pill!!!!!

[Sam20111966]

Hey glad you flushed after I did so I was elated and scared at the same time....You did a really hard thing so darn actually damn proud of you.....Hey you know what happenned this weekend I so needed a pill as back was killing me moral of story none to take no sources flushed and prayed my way out of it while gritting my teeth.  Flush all those pills laying around if not already.....Sorry did not read this earlier so so proud of you.....

Sam

[freshstart01]

I've repeated it 11 times. Wow.

[freshstart01]

I've written it already in my journal. I keep reading it, everytime I crave. Which is alot today!:(

[dominosarah]

A journal is a good idea~~~

[freshstart01]

Wow I'm writing this in my journal. Love it. Going to repeat it all day!!!!!!

[atthebeach]

the pills are evil, i dont want them, i dont need them, they are from the pits of hell, i am going to win this battle, the LORD is with me, HE is able to break the chains and bondage of addiction, i want to be clean and sober for me and my children, i want a life without pills, the pills will no longer rule and run my life, i will make it, i can make it, i am a winner,
i will pray and ask the LORD to help me, i will stay busy, i will play games with my kids to keep my busy, i am going for a walk, i deserve to be happy and drug free, i am a new me,
the old is gone, i am stronger now, i am a brave woman, i am beautiful, i love myself,
i love my children, my life is better now that i dont take drugs, by faith i am going to make it on my  road to recovery, i will attend a meeting today, i will not feel sorry for myself, i will do what i have to do to make it on the road to recovery, i am happy, i love life, i am awesome, i am clean and sober, i will encourage myself, GOD loves me,

[freshstart01]

Still craving. Not as much as yesterday. But on my mind. Trying to keep busy.

[freshstart01]

I like that ...... " the new me". Why not. Give it a shot. I've been reading on repeating positive affirmations. Such as, I can", I will, I deserve to be, etc. I will heal. Imnrepeating them over and over! Hope it helps.

[gnarly_1]

HI Kim .....I alway like reading the thing we do to get/stay clean....good for you another resounding flush ...it will set you free....as for finding me?? I dont even look for him anymore he loves to get high and levees me feeling warn out empty and hung over.....I encourage you to find the ''the new you'' I can tell from here it going to look great on you + you dont need all that baggage anyway ...it may take some time and I will say I will always be a work in progress as all of use who are bold enough to embrace the ''new you'' will be
keep pushing forward Kim you got this one you and your family are in my prayers
........Gnarly  

[freshstart01]

Haven't gone to church, soccer tournaments Sundays. But will soon. Thx for the n/a. I will look into it... Thx Debbie. I need to remember me, so I could get there again..... A good place.

[atthebeach]

i am proud of you too. good girl. did you talk with the therapist about the support groups they have there?
here is the link for the na meeting locator

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

have you been going to church?

[freshstart01]

I flushed it. I have a big office, found one on floor bottom of desk. Shinny yellow, couldn't believe my eyes. I did not take it. Proud of me. Sill having issues though! :(

[atthebeach]

kim,
what are you thinking about you know you have to flush it. if you take it you will wake up tomorrow and know you took one. i thought you went through things and flushed last week. when was the last time you went in your desk that you found another one today.

[freshstart01]

Issues!!!!!! I found a yellow in my desk! 10. I'm staring at it. I want to wake up tomorrow knowing I didn't take any today. Need encouragement

[freshstart01]

I'm gonna start looking for NA. I'm so busy I'll have to make time. I will pray, think of my kids and focus on me sober. Wow, what a thought. I want it badly. It's mental dependency. My brain *****! It's pissing me off. I want to be normal. Think normal thoughts without obsessing. I will pray!

[ladywithtime]

lol kim, we ALL have issues! what helps me best with cravings or anxiety is to relax, and breath. the funny thing about cravings is they pass! if you dwell on them you feed them and they grow strong...so try your hardest to occupy your mind. music helps and so does Praying! i remember i was 7 days into my detox and i had a panic attack that almost knocked me to my knees--i was completely immobilized by panic. so i started to Pray, Pray and Pray harder! it actually was that moment when i realized i could get through this! it was very powerful! once it subsided i felt soo much stronger and said hell, if i can get through that i'm good! and it was all because of the incredible power of Prayer!

is there anyway you can get to a meeting? friday just seems an awful long time to go without talking to someone, ya know? we all need help and i'm saying a Prayer for you sister! you soo can do this! God Bless.

[freshstart01]

This Friday, for therapy. I detoxed for 15 days then take 1 or 2 every other day. Will I go through full withdrwals again? I can't stop thinking about the pill. I have issues!

[atthebeach]

kim, honey as long as you continue to use the pills you havent started to completely detox  yet. you wont start the full healing process until you stop using. please get yourself busy, exercising, cleaning, cooking, go outside, take a walk, walk around the store,
the pills are playing big time mind games with you. you have to resolve within yourself to be done. once and for all. so you can start to heal and begin your journey of recovery. when do you go back to counseling?
you can do this, you will do this, you are stronger than those pills, think positive sober thoughts, you deserve a better life, free from the chains and bondage of pills, give yourself a good kick in the butt and move on.