Am I brain damaged?

[The_Problem]

To: All.
Hi, I am problem. that is my name. that is who and what I am.

I have been taking tylonal #1s about 15 or more a day for about 5 or 6 years now. plus when I was 14 I would steal my dads tylonal 3's and eat like 9-11 at a time. My big question is why am I still here. I am not trying to take my life in anyway. But I do hurt myself. I been cutting myself since I was 11. the tylonals made me feel good about myself gave me confidence. but now it doesnt anymore. And I am always depressed. I've lost hope for my future and am a worrysome burden to my family. I guess my question is ...
Is my brain so far damaged that I am beyone repair? Can I fix myself or is it too late for me?

Be honest people. I can handle.

Problem.

[IBKleen]

Sucking emotion from everyone and leaving is probably a fear of rejection. You get out before they can reject you. It is classic for addicts.

I don't know if you have brain damage or not. There are no doctors here so unless you get the proper tests done, we cannot help you with something physical here on the internet. It would be a guess at best.

I would do as suggested and get some much needed counseling. You need to get to the core issues and stop harming yourself. My guess is you are a good person with issues, the majority of us are.

Counseling and talking with professionals who specialize in the field is a rewarding process, humbling and rewarding as I said. I hope this will be the way you go. Good luck to you.

[The_Problem]

I am a burden because I suck emotion from anybody who cares about me. Till they have none left for me and they leave. Is that called something? I knwo what to say and how to say it. I am manipulative and very stupid.  In my defence I am very humble, I make people laugh and I know I make other people feel very good about theirself. As soon as somebody gets close I think I subconciously sabatoge myself and screw up everything.  I am aware of what I do so I avoid everybody now. Its like I think I can protect them from me. Its logical judging from my history. If I have to be alone for the rest of my life so be it. I pray its not that much longer. I know I have God in my heart ,but with all my failures and crapness, I know I deserve to go to hell. I am crap. I read some of your posts and comments and WE ARE ALL BROKEN HERE. Are you guy really serious, that broken people can help other broken people? Does this really help? What if somebody is so messed up that somebody says something, and that messed up person gets so hurt or misinterpits a post. What happens to that person? I would hate myself even more if that person made a dumb choice. Trust me when I say I can't stand myself. If I could split in two I would kick my own ***. About the tattoo thing. I got too much scar tissues for any tattoos on my chest, legs and arms,  I even cut up my face and neck a few times. My cuts aren't little slits...these are long deep cuts, till I can't take the sensation of that pain any more I'll stop the cut, and do a few more till I got so much stinging pain outside I can't feel the crappyness inside (if that makes any sense to you guys) and yess I did cut to deep alot. But since the 5 or 6 years of pills I started with 7 a day went up to 22 a day at least.
I haven't cut in probably about 2 and a half years maybe. I never had one pill yet today. I am sweating and cold like crazy. I will try not to go out and buy a beer or 6 today as well. I did however smoke about 15 smokes in like 5 hours though.  I also made an appointment with my doctor. (I know won't go well) But I will try to follow it threw.

Thanks for listening to my story.

The_Problem

[mentalmary]

aside from agreeing with what everyone else has said...i see you cut yourself to reliever stress...have you ever gotten a tattoo ...alot of people use them as a stress reliever....it helps me alot....i got one on the back of my knee cap for the most painful spot after i decided to stop with the pills...just a suggestion

[loveJwhite]

Hey. Please come back and talk to us. How can you be a burden to us? We are all here for similiar reasons. I know what it is like to lose all hope, I've been there. You are not alone. I thought I was the only one in the world who felt the way I did- until I found this forum. I thought the world was so vast, but it really isnt- it is so small. It helps to talk-even to "strangers"....I'm thinking about you and I hope you come back. -Shay

[The_Problem]

No.
It was a mistake coming here. I can see that now. I am too far gone. You guys all got you're issues and the last thing you need is the thought of another one. My burden is mine to carry, and if I must take it to my 'funeral" then so be it. But I will not bother my family with this crap I am going through.  They can't handle. I can't even handle. All my family would do is say "pray...give it too God" ...blah!  I know this because they are my family. I also know I will never have my own family unless I want to mess up some other people's lives just like mine. The thought of bringing a kid into this world makes me sick when I think of how messed up I would make her grow up to be, and that makes me cry, because I would of been a wicked fun dad. I know its way too late for me. At my age all my old friends have familys, houses, cars, friends, jobs they have a life. I can never have this. I just can't. I don't even know how to have a stupid bank account. Yea, it was a mistake coming here. I am the mistake. I've never done anything but. Whatever hospital I end up in. I have no emerency contacts. When I am suffering in well deserved pain (I know whats coming). I will always know that this is all my fault. That I did this to myself. and nobody else. I will know I wasn't strong enough for society, and life kicked my ***. I am weak,  I am good for nothing, I am lazy, I am a waste of skin, I will always be a nobody. I deserve whats coming. I wish to God Almighty that I can be saved. But in all logic. I'm done.

[wesinbama]

You would be surprised about what admitting your problems would do for you.  Instead of being judged, your doctor and family will probably say " finally"! They know you have a problem I bet. When we addicts usually admit it, most of our friends say Duh! We are the last to admit it. Letting go takes away a huge burden off us, and let's people know what the issue is do they can help. If they font know, they can't help, and keep their distance. And you say you font want to be selfish, but do you want your family to to have to bury you? They would rather deal with helping you than plan a funeral. Plead tell them. I was in your boat in a way, and so surprised how everyone I told supported me. They already knew something was wrong, and finally they could help me. It works.