Am I brain damaged?

[The_Problem]

To: All.
Hi, I am problem. that is my name. that is who and what I am.

I have been taking tylonal #1s about 15 or more a day for about 5 or 6 years now. plus when I was 14 I would steal my dads tylonal 3's and eat like 9-11 at a time. My big question is why am I still here. I am not trying to take my life in anyway. But I do hurt myself. I been cutting myself since I was 11. the tylonals made me feel good about myself gave me confidence. but now it doesnt anymore. And I am always depressed. I've lost hope for my future and am a worrysome burden to my family. I guess my question is ...
Is my brain so far damaged that I am beyone repair? Can I fix myself or is it too late for me?

Be honest people. I can handle.

Problem.

[PomoLady]

Becca is right on hun.....YOU CAN DO THIS. Write a letter  and make an appointment and hand it to your doctor and tell him you want to be referred to a specialist and keep the apointment.

Please , Please .....be honest in the letter about the cutting and let them know that you are depressed , trust me it is easier when you find professionals to help , they can explain what's going on with you.

It has NOTHING to do with will power or 'Maning up" .....you most likely are clinically depressed and have been set off by the death of your stepfather. A Lot of very good honorable men go through this  and with help maybe even medication you can feel better . You don't have to live like tthis, please make appointment right away and keep it, all you have to do right now is write it down and hand it over, you can do it , trust me you deserve a better life. Keep us posted , we are rooting for you on here. my name is Marcia if you ever want to talk,

[The_Problem]

Thanks guys.

I am over 30. I got no close family members to talk to about this stuff. For the most part they would say well just "stop being depressed" and thats that. They don't know that its a deeper issue. Or they just don't want to know...either way I'm on my own. I hardly ever leave my house any more. I was a super socail butterfly. "the life of the parties", as my friends use to say. but now I lost all my friends. I don't have not one friend any more. I went from being that social butterfly to this hermit that i am now. My doctor doesn't like me. I feel uncomfortable around him, and in this city if is very impossible to get a doctor here. I've been in and out of the hospital for pills. One time was from calling the help line just to talk and making the mistake of telling them I ate a few pills and then they trace the call and send abulances and police to my house. plus I've been threw phsych evaluations everytime i've visited the hospital and apparently "I am fine". But I know I am far from. I garentee I eat about 200 tylonal #1s  a month for a long time now. I did tell my doctor I think i'm depressed and he said "I don't think you're depressed, It just sounds like you lost hope." Whatever that means.

good night guys thanks again.

TheProblem

[Beccabeccalynn]

You could see your doctor and if you have problems talking to him maybe write a letter and let him read it. The good news is that this stuff is fixable and so worth it too. You can be one of the smart ones and figures it out before decades go by. You could see your doctor on your own without telling anyone till you figure out a plan. Just take small steps a bit at a time it doesn't all have to be fixed in a day. You can do this. Becca
ps. You don't seem selfish at all to me asking for help is smart not selfish. Take care and keep us informed

[bmdad]

Your brain is not damaged and you are not beyond repair. Believe it or not there are so many people that have dealt with a situation just like yours. Anyone can get out of the "funk" if they are willing to do the work. You coming here and admitting everything is a great first step. Stick around this forum, get to know some members, and you will be able to relate in so many ways. You didn't say how old you are but I'm guessing you are around 20. You have so much life ahead of you. It is never too late to turn things around. It takes a lot of support. You can get some of that here but you need to be surrounded with help. Do you have any family or friends you can confide in? Can you set up an appointment with a doctor? You say you are always depressed. There are so many antidepressants out there that can help. Depression can be treated. It may also help to talk to a therapist. Don't be ashamed to do so. There is not one person alive that wouldn't benefit from talking to a therapist.
Opiates always make us feel good at first. They give us a false sense of well being. But eventually our tolerance grows and we need more and more to get the same effect. Eventually we can't take enough to get that good feeling and energy buzz. We end up becoming depressed, unmotivated, and just overall are emotionally unstable. We continue to take them just to keep from being sick. Are you still taking the codiene? If so the first thing you have to do is stop. That is where it will all start to turn your life around. It's not easy to do but many have done it and many are going through it right now. We can help you get through the withdrawals but you have to want it more than anything. We can't make you want to stop but we can walk you through it and help you start on the road to recovering.
You coming here is a sign that you are reaching out for help and don't want to call it quits on your life. Take the right steps now and you can get out of here you are at now and enjoy life. We cant always deal with emotions on our own. There is plenty of help out there. If you need help being guided in the right direction we will do our best to help.
It is never too late. Hang in there. Your brain is not damaged. I have taken enough pain pills to kill an elephant but was able to turn things around for the better. My brain isn't damaged and my life is better now than it has ever been. You can be there too.
You should get the ball rolling. Call a doctor and set up an appointment. Be honest and tell him/her everything even about your addiction and cutting. Be sure to let them know about your depression. Doctors are there to help. I think that should be your first step. You will make it through this. If you need anything, even if you just need to vent, I'm here for you. If it weren't for the people on this forum that offered a helping hand or just an ear to listen to it's hard saying where I would be right now.  I felt like the world was crashing in all around me. I felt a lot like you do now. I was able to turn it around. With the proper plan you too can turn everything around.
You are worth it.

Brian

[dominosarah]

You have so much on your plate.  You are drowning in your emotions right now and you need to have an outlet.  Please check into some type of counseling.  They have addiction counselors and many of the people here see one.  Check it out in your area.  You dont have to live like this anymore.  You are so worth fighting for.  Keep posting here ok as we are here to support you and we care~~~sara

[The_Problem]

I know. you guys are right. I am sad. I pretend everything is fine to my family because they can't handle it. My brother he's all caught up in his life, his wife and new baby, I would be so selfish to tell him how i really feel. My mom will cry. I mean she will cry and say and think how much of a bad mom she is and she's not she did her best she is the greatest mom ever. I just am seriously a crappy son. person. Immature adult-who doesnt know how to grow up and man up and just be a man. Plus my step-dad just past so I have to lie about how i feel and put on an act like i'm very strong.  I don't know how to talk to my doctor. I don't think he likes me much. He's knew...and It took my step-dad to die for me to even get a doctor. I was looking for one for over 7 years. These pills are a problem. I hate taking them. I hate drinking. But I need that numbness. or I will think way too much about how crappy I am. I will mentally beat myself up. Its not pity or feeling sorry for myself when every single action I've ever done in life I failed. Its logic. I am logically a failure. school..quit....went back...quit again....jobs...always quit...girlfriends...never bothered since for about 7 years because I'm this messed up, and I dont want to screw up anybody elses life by bringing them into mine. I've probabaly had like 90 jobs in my life.  I got nobody to talk too. There is really no help for me. I am all alone.  

Thank you for your compation, caring hearts. God Bless you and guide you with all your decisions you make.

TheProblem.