Core issue for using

[worried878]

Does anyone here know why they used in the first place?  can u go back and pinpoint the reason or was it just a vague void that needed to be filled...or a chronic pain thing that slipped up on u?...I identified my trigger after quitting...one major one...but i do see now that i feel lows that i do not like but it is de ja vu...i felt this way before and used pills to stay happy and on top of things...chronic pain...yes...but i will take responsibiltiy for abusing for the high and the happines it brought,,,getting alot done....chronic pain breeds depression tho so it is hard to know for sure which came first.....i wonder about my mental status before pills...where was i at exactly?

[toxictome]

An unhealthy relationship.........I guess I thought it was easier to numb my feelings than to get out of the realtionship....how F***ed up is that???

Remember...
men are the #1 trigger for relapse in women
and women are the #1 trigger for relapse in men.....

LOL

Have a fun and safe holiday weekend..................

[desperate1111]

Allaboutmary I could of written the exact same thing. i was super woman and then it all came tumbling down. I even take a nap after work now. I don't pluck weeds any more either.

[joann1975]

To add to mine now that I am more awake I am with Rue and have NEVER felt comfortable in my own skin from an early age either. I don't know why...was never left with sitters or anything like that. But I remember depressed feelings at such a young age. Also, like Hopsing said years ago when I was 1st rx'd them and took them at work I was like a super CSR and was on top of my game at work and took tons of calls and helped all our customers etc.... But this time around with the pills it's been a totally different thing. Who knows.

worried...this was a great post idea...thank you!

[rue10]

I have NEVER been comfortable in my own skin from as early as I can remember.  My mother was alone and needed to work and left me with sitters during the week and picked me up on the weekend.  I was mistreated at those sitters--some sexual abuse by the sitters sons included.  I just remember ALWAYS feeling alone.  I did eventually get to be with my Mom every night after work from around age 5 but I've always had sitters that were less than nice.  Then a stepfather.  I ended up with no confidence and the inability to socialize.  But alcohol changed that........it was great to be able to ingest something that made me fun, interesting, outgoing confident.  I eventually stopped drinking for 13 years.  Later due to pain I was given vicodin and percocet and again, this mood altering substance was fantastic.  I immediately began to "chase" the euphoric feelings. I took percs and vics for over 10 years.  Like Hopsing, the last two were downward spiraling.  I no longer felt like superwoman.  I needed to take them just to feel normal.  All my energy, confidence, etc. was gone and I was spending 100s of $ every week to keep myself in that state.

[hopsing94]

It was all about the high for me. I was superman at work. I worked so much harder,faster,friendlier with customers. I was the top dog at work for 3 years. So much so that I had built a reputation for one of the best in Houston at what I do. I had job offers from other dealerships coming in from all over town. Then the last two years I started a decline into an abyss. I soon became very tired all the time,drawn in, mean and irritable. Lazy at work and pretty much worthless. I first started using when I was like 14 yrs old. It was peer pressure at first with pot. That led to coke and X and after that I had quit everything for a long time unitl I found pills. Maybe it was the death of my mother at a young age I don't know. I just know that when I wasn't using I was the happiest.

[allaboutmary]

I also wanted to say...that part of my recovery is accepting my age and my physical limits.  Instead of popping a pill now, I get a heat pack and lay down for a half hour.  I've had to accept that my house won't be immaculate all the time. I don't pull weeds anymore, I use the spray stuff. lol