Day 10 and scared

[Pat1956100]

I had to take lots of imodium today.  My stomach is very upset and my head is aching.  I want to curl up in a ball and try to sleep. I had those crazy phone calls yesterday from someone I don't want calling and now I have to face the 4pm appt today with the addiction counselor.
I am so scared now.  I feel sick.  I don't want to go but know I have to go.  Ugh, how did I get myself into this mess?
I just feel panicky and sick.  Hopefully the imodium kicks in and the headache goes away.  
5 more hours and I really don't know what to expect.  I hope it's not another let down.

[dimethyltryptamine]

Correct me if im wromg...  Be weary of taking a lot of imodium. From what ive heard imodium actually binds to your opioid receptors. You can have WDs from imodium BEWARE.

[conhall]

Pat The Immodium will help your stomach  You were right to take it. It will help you with stomach issues fast!
and I Know you are very nervous about going to this appt. today Just breath and remember you are taking steps that will ensure your sobriety. I know its scary walking into a place like this but you are NOT ALONE Take each one of us with you put us in your pocket we will support you and  carry you when you cannot walk yourself. please just try a relax I know your stomach hurts but when the immodium kicks in and it will help get out for a walk stay busy dont sit and over analyze  your fear too much. remember you can do this .
The unknown is always scary but you have to do this to help yourself  and make the changes needed.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks so much for always supporting me no matter what.
I will keep you in my pocket today.  I am going to need you.
My stomach is feeling better and I am trying to eat some light foods.
I have to do this and I don't know why I am so afraid.  I guess you're right, it's the unknown.
3 more hours lol. Ugh.  I have been through so much worse, don't know why this would upset me so much.

[Teresa1717]

You are wrong. Its has the same chemical makeup as an opiate but its not an opiate and does NOT cross the blood brain barrier!  So it has effects on your GI tract like an opiate ie:constipation but you do not "w/d" from it!

Pat, you got this honey! Im there with you in spirit and im  proud if you! Youre going to make it through this and come out stronger!

Xo

[mamaof4410]

Good job on 10 days Pat! You can do this and we are here to support you. Let us know how the meeting goes and keep your head up girl! We are all cheering you on!

[Pat1956100]

Thanks hun
I know I'm being a wimp.  I wish it was one on one but it's not and I have to deal.
Thanks for your support.  You're all going with me lol.

[Sonrissa]

Hi Hon! Try not to be scared! Keep an open mind! This is a very positive step! We will be with you in spirit! It's going to be fine! You have worked so very hard and have come a long way! Please let us know how it goes! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

[Pat1956100]

Thanks so much.
I have huge pockets to carry all of you.
I am going to start to get ready.  A long shower should help wash away the negativity.
Thanks again and I will let you know how I make out.
Love to all
Pat

[littlebit667]

Pat, I know you are determined and with all my good wishes..I hope you make it and find some help.  There is NOTHING you can tell the therapist that will upset them or judge you.  They want to help....let them....I know it is scary but, you have been to hell and back..how is a therapy session going to beat that?  You can do this!

[sunshinegal76]

Dear Pat, I don't know you, but you are certainly no wimp! To make it 10 days is soooo courageous. I envy you. Keep fighting! You are worth it :)

[axeman25]

^^^^^^^^  I Completely Agree!  ^^^^^^

Ten days is awesome. I have such week will when it comes to this stuff. I have to separate myself from people and situations. it *****. I look up to people that make up their mind to do something and then follow through, especially something like this.  Good for you, now give that counselor something to say, "Great Job!" about.

Good luck.

[D713]

me to =/,....

[dominosarah]

The fear of the unknown is always scary but at the same time it is good to travel a different path.  Many doors open when we allow ourselves to step out of our safety zone~ You got this girl!

[vicki595]

I'll be waiting to hear how the appt went...

On another note...there's a way to BLOCK a phone number. Call your phone company and tell them the problem. I've done it here but I'm not sure how to do it for an INTERNATIONAL call...That guy's such an idiot!!  

[Fireby29]

Hang in there Pat, your doing great.  Do not worry about the Imodium, you should be fine.

Bryan

[Bkitty]

Hi Pat! Im sending you big (((hugs))) and love and support today. I too was so afraid to go see the counselor. For me it was a HUGE step but when I went I felt so relieved! I realized I was scared because I was taking a step to make me better. I was so used to feeling like a piece of sh*t all the time,,used to being sick. I was scared because I had NO idea what laid ahead of me. Life. Life was ahead,,a real life free of pills and the bondage that they had over me. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Pat. Congrats on 10days!! You made it! Youre doing it! There is a life out there that is pill free! I know its hard to believe. Im so proud of you.((hugs))~Bkitty

[NowOrNever43]

Woohoo congrats on 10 days lady! Tomorrow you will be setting new records :) You will do just fine at the Therapy session, you have all of us here rooting for you! Keep me posted on how it goes! :) xoxo

[conhall]

Hi Pat! i keep looking at the clock and looking to see you post I Hope the appt went well I think you are going to feel this big sigh of relief once you get there and get in.
I Hope the immodium helped settle your tummy and the long shower helped ease the anxiety!
I am actually excited for you because today going to this appt. is a positive step in the nright direction no matter what happens you are opening up doors for yourself. (((HUGS)))

[wantfreedom495]

Hi Pat,

It can be really hard to do anything without drugs once you are used to doing everything with them! I know that you can do this. I am amazed at your posts telling us how you have been cleaning up and making meals. This is just one more thing that you have to "just do." I always find out that seeking help is a lot less scary then I had imagined. I hope you find that out too.

[ImDONENoMore]

Keep us posted, pat, and let us know how things went!!  Good for you for going to this appt.  This is a great step for you.

[Pat1956100]

Thanks everyone
You have no idea how much all of your support helped me and gave me the strength to go to the meeting.
There were about 6 of us and 1 guy brought his wife (which pissed me off)  I was the only female other than her lol.
The counselor was female and all she had us do was fill out papers.
I guess it was to analyze our addiction.  Some people were there for drinking, others for both.  The questions were based on both.
There were questions about if family was forcing us to be there, our relationships with our family, friends etc.
They also asked of course about our drug use, what kinds of drugs we have used etc.
I have another appt and I am going to see the same couselor on Dec. 4th.
It was funny because I asked if she did the counseling and she said Yes. I said ":Pick Me" and she said it was random.  Then she gave me my appt. card with her name on it.

I just liked her and felt comfortable with her so I think that's a good thing.  I hope so.  She must have liked me to because she did "Pick Me".

What a waste worrying about it and now it's over and it was fine.  It was really hard to go in and say I was there to see the drug counselor and then we had to wait in an open area but once we got into the private room, it was fine.
Now I can just go in and ask for her by name and not have to worry about other people hearing lol.
So I do have to wait another week to see her but at least I did make that step and I am so glad I did.
Thanks for the push ImDone.  Oh and the walk to and from there was exhausting and freezing lol.

[ImDONENoMore]

I am SMILING so much right now!!!  I'm so happy for you, pat, you have come such a long way and have been so brave about all of this (yes, I mean brave).  The steps you're taking now are going to carry you into your new life.  This is really exciting!  Girl, you ROCK.

And how wonderful that you feel you made a connection with her.  This means a lot, pat, so keep going.  And GOOD for you for doing the walk.  I bet you're feeling kinda good about yourself, tonight, aren't you?  Just a little I hope?  :)

[Teresa1717]

I am SO happy Pat!! I know without a doubt that ur going to do this! You're such an inspiration to me, more than you know!

Proud of you girl! :)

[vicki595]

I'm making believe I'm hugging you right now!!   I'm so proud of you! I think this is really the hardest thing to do after wd's are over. Coming out and taking action is an enormous step. I know how relieved I felt at the time...

Ice cream to celebrate!!