Full of anxiety and?

[sadinmichigan]

I was hesitant to post...but then not wanting to,made me realize ,I probably should now more than any other time.
I am on day 16..All I can think about the nasty pills that i know are in my own home..I can't get rid of them because they are not mine. I feel like k-todd said earlier..Just want to punch something..I feel like "IT" is trying to win. I was feeling so good and the last few days..Just down,down,down. The overwhelming anxiety that comes...out of nowhere!! I mean BAMB! Your doing ok and then it hits you like a ton of bricks. i guess not wanting to post ..scared me.making me feel like I didn't want to hear it..but I do.I  am so tired of fighting with myself. I was on the phone with my good friend  confused and didn't even tell her how I was feeling. (I have since apologized to her) Why did i just do that? I have come so far..but not far enough.

[confused456]

Hey Louise, are you still around??

[sadinmichigan]

I hope your ok..Yeah..i'm still here talking to myself..lol  it's ok though..I'm listening to my music..finally.But It feels like i haven't talked to you forever..LOL I definately feel better..Wish I could say I was tired...

[sadinmichigan]

Today is the start of my 17th day of pain killer freedom!! And more importantly Jesus has risen!!
I would have consumed at least 180 pills by the end of this day...Thankyou Lord for giving me the strength to resist my sinful flesh and spare my body that poison.And I thankyou for this forum and the wonderful people who have been there for me. I also thankyou for your own that are here..You know who they are...In Jesus name...amen

[sadinmichigan]

Are you ok? I hope so..get the heating pad out..

[sadinmichigan]

hey there..sorry if i kept you awake..LOL That restless leg thing is for the birds!!! I stay awake to avoid that too. How are you doing?  And HAPPY EASTER

[sadinmichigan]

I'm not sure about Todd..lol..but i just can't even think about laying down..I hope you get a good sleep..it's 4 am here. Happy Easter honey..and thankyou too..enjoy that bath..and i will check out my pm..thankyou again..you are a big help too!!!  if..by chance you can't sleep..you know where i'll be..LOL I finally hid all the baskets..whew..even though 2 of my kids aren't living w/ me, I still have 5 here..You take care and have a wonderful day Amy.
Much love
Lisa