HELP I AM SCARED !!!!!!!!

[magrat]

I just recently found out my daughter is taking Oxy, Roxy, Hydrocodone Perc's and if she dont have enough money($15 $20 and some $40) for these she gets the methadone. My daughter is 27 with 4 children 1,2,5 & 10. She started this about 6 mos. ago. Mind you this was my little girl who preached against this. Hated it! Formed her own JUST SAY NO GROUP! This was all thru school and up to last year hated drugs and what they stood for and wouldnt even take a Midol on her worst day! This is 1 of the worst days of my life! She denied it when I confronted her after 1 of her friends called me and told me YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING! THATS WHY I AM TELLING YOU! SHE IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF BY O D OR THEM BABIES ARE GONNA GET HURT. So I talked to my 10 yr old grandson & he told me her boyfriend does drugs! But his mom dont! He said well she might because I heard her ask him how many pills he took he said 3 and then ask her and she said 1! He also told me she leaves him @ night with the 3 kids and says she'll be right back! I have them all right now! I told her I would keep them for the weekend! I want to keep them until she straightens up! He also told me that sometimes these  2 people stay with them (differ times) I know for sure they are on CRACK!!!!! if they want to go out but alot of times he keeps the kids! I GUESS WHAT I AM GETTING AT IS SHOULD I CALL DCF AND REPORT THIS BECAUSE SHE DENIES IT AND I DONT WANT THESE BABIES GOING HOME!! He told me they have no food sometimes the waters turned off for days because her boyfriend is useless and not worth the gun powder to shoot him with had every job and quit! Then he just lives off her child support with her. He doesnt mind her working hes just not gonna babysit! She doesnt work either because her check would go to daycare! UUUUGGGGHH!  I AM JUST DEVASTATED AND SO CRUSHED FOR HER ( By having this addiction) but she is grown but FOR MY GRANDBABIES CANNOT GO THRU 1 MORE DAY OF THIS! I ALSO FOUND OUT THE FATHER OF 2 OF HER KIDS HAS BEEN DOING COCAINE PILLS AND SMOKES WEED! NOW LOOK AT HER? My grandson is also very protective of his mom. But she told him if he tells anyone that she left him there with the babies HE WILL NEVER SEE HIS GRANNIE AND POP AGAIN OR HER OR HIS DAD! THAT DCF WILL COME IN AND PUT THEM IN A HOME WITH SOMEONE THEY DONT KNOW! I TOLD MY GRANDSON I AM SORRY SHE TOLD YOU THAT BUT GRANNIE AND POP WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE? I am not trying to be stupid but what I am trying to say is do we talk to her or DCF and keep the kids with us? By the way 2 of my grandsons dad travels with his job and takes care of them financially above and beyond but isnt somebody you can talk sensibly to about this because of his anger issues.

[wannabefree330]

Please know you did the very best you could in raising your children.  This is not the effect of anything you did or didn't do as she was growing up.  Addiction is a disease just like diabetes or heart failure.  Not anybody's fault.  I believe there is only fault on the addicts account when you know you have a problem and do nothing to change it. (would a diabetic not change their diet or take insulin to treat it?)  Do not ever blame yourself for your daughters choices.  You should be patting yourself on the back for being observant enough to recognize the situation and being the refuge for those kids in need.  I'm proud of you and i know you can stand up to your daughter in order to help her make the right choices.

[kim715]

My husband and I are in the same boat.We've been raising my stepdaughters 2 little girls for almost a year because of her drug addition.Our little ones are 2 and 4 and the final straw came when the 4 year old told us how the police pulled mommy over and made her take off her bra because thats where she had her pipe that she smokes drugs in.She had taken them out in the wee hours of the night to get crack and was smoking it in the car with them .The cop took the pipe and let her go.Told her to take her kids home and not to let him catch her around that area again.I could go on and on about the things we have found out from our granddaughter.DON'T SEND THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!!! Don't call DCF at first,but threaten to if you have to.Let her know what the ten year old told you and remind her that he is old enough to tell the same things to the DCF worker. If that doesn't scare her and she threatens to not let you keep the kids then call the police make the report and have them immediately call DCF and send a case worker out to you.It's always best to not get them involved if you can avoid it,trust me we've been there.I would think if you would have to resort to getting them involved the things your grandson has told you would be enough to warrant an investigation and at least buy you some temporary custody.I live in Pittsburgh and here if  CYF {thats what it is called here,Children,Youth,and Family} thinks there is enough to warrant an investigation and the parent is objecting to letting you keep the child,CYF can intervene and in most cases if the kids are with family members they will leave them there as long as they feel they are safe,and within 48 hours schedule an emergency shelter hearing.Which means within 48 hours you go to court,you find as many people as you can who have witnessed some of this behavior,family,friends,neighbors,and you take them with you to testify to it.The ten year old is old enough to speak and you get a copy of any police reports and take them with you.START WRITING EVERYTHING DOWN.Everything you know first hand,everything you have seen or heard,everything your grandson has told you.Thats soooooooooooooooo important I can't stress that enough.If it comes to this ,what do you think would be the fathers' position?

[magrat]

Thank you too! For your kindness! I just know when DCF steps in they will give me custody of the babies and they will be loved and cared for! But she will also know he told me because they will tell her! But at least I can still protect him because he will be with us!

[10356]

I agree with wannabefree call DCF it sounds as if you have talked till you are blue in the face and I also hope they would allow the kids to stay with you They usually  try to place them with immediate family.. It is true your daughter can change things around but the kids may not have the time as their living situation is so bad. Stay strong and do not back down...

[wannabefree330]

I think you're right in assuming more talk will do any good.  She knows she has a problem.  Unfortunately she needs the drugs more now than her children.  Priorities in addiction are very screwed up.  Remember YOU are the mother here.  If she brings attitude-give it right back to her.  Stand your ground and refuse to allow the children back home until she can prove she is making changes.  That includes losing the boyfriend and other people too.  It will be a long haul but those kids deserve it.  If she throws a fit and insists on taking the kids, call DCFS.  What is she going to do when asked about the drug use?  I doubt she will want to get them involved.  But, on the other hand, may just involve them anyway.  She is going to need some outside influence in order to STAY clean once she can overcome getting clean.  DCFS will require visits to the home and prob even drug tests.  And for the first little while, i'd insist on supervised visits and YOU should get the child support while the kids are with you.  Otherwise it will go to buying drugs and not to the children.  DCFS will ensure the money goes to the right place, as it should.

[magrat]

Thank you so much! It is very difficult when you feel like you are alone and dealing with something so devastating and sad as this! I just know deep in my heart I would never see the day I or anyone else let alone ME would have to call DCF on my own child! Especially when we thought we raised them up to be strong independent women. This is just like a nightmare. Or Ripleys believe it or not? I am just terrified for my grandchildren for 1 more day in the care of her and her boyfriend.