How did I get here....?

[Wishing_on_a_star]

Where to begin.... Well I am 26 yrs old and I am addicted to percocets. It starred about 6 months ago when I had gotten into a car accident and was sent to a pain management dr. Which prescrbed me the pain killers. He gave me 90 10 mg pills a month which never lasted and I would end up buying them off the streets until my next visit to he dr. He was very skeptical of giving them to me in the first place being as I'm such a young girl but the pain is unbearable and I had no choice however I absolutely was abusing them because I couldn't get enough of that wonderful feeling they were giving me hence the running out of pills.
Slowly my life started changing... I didn't want to do ANYTHING, slept till 1pm every day, dreaded even just going to the store to buy cigarettes (another new habbit) I would just lay on the couch and watch tv alllllll day long. I gained about 10 lbs and noticed some serious mood swings and then came to the conclusion that this can no longer go on. But it was too late.... They got me already! I would try to taper but was getting very depressed and then would actually have to take them for pain and it would screw everything up. See this is the messed up part, I really do take them for pain but I want out! Bad! I want to be in control of my life again! So every week for the past month I have said ok this is the week I'm going to stop and I would start to take suboxone to get off these things but everytime I decided today is the day I couldn't handle the back and knee pain that I have so I would say ok tomorrow. Well, tomorrow finally came! Sunday evening at 10pm was my last dose of percocet, of course I overindulged bc I couldn't help myself but think why not? It's going to be my last time. So I got a nice buzz and flushed the rest down the toilet giving me no other option but to stop. So I woke up already feeling slight wd's but tried to stay focused. I went to work at 5pm and finished up by 12am. I felt pretty crappy but besides running to the bathroom and sweating alot it wasn't too bad. When I got home I was still scared to take the suboxone bc I've heard if you take it too soon it put you into immediate wd's. So by 1am which was a full 27 hrs I felt I was safe and took 4mg of suboxone and like magic within 10 mins I felt brand new! I'm glad I made this decision however I have many concerns which is why I'm here. One would be am I just substituting one addiction for another or can I take the suboxone for 3 days and stop without feeling terrible? I don't want to take them I want to be done with everything! Will I feel widthdrawal when I stop if I only take them 3 days? And then my other concern is the pain I'm in... Is there anything I can take that is not going to take control of my life? The pain is pretty bad so I'm really worried I won't be able to work without that burning throbbing pain in my back and my knees... I mean is it possible to be able to only take the painkillers when I'm having a bad day or am I now considered an addict that can not touch these things??? I'm so scared of what is to come. I feel lost... Any input here would be more than appreciated... I really have no one to talk to bc I'm scared of being judged and looked at differently by the people in my life that know me as the strong minded, independent  control freak in the family... Might sound stupid but I can't help the way I feel and the only word that comes to mind to explain that would be sad and vulnerable. Thank you in advance to anyone who will take the time to help a lost girl...
  

[gettingthere23]

i just starting taking saboxone 4 days ago and i have been feeling really uncontrollably anxious,i dont know if its because i am nervous,scared of everything that i have to do because getting completely clean and living sober is all that i can think about,i want it so bad..i dont know i guess i am  just wondering if anyone has any advice about saboxones,or recovery...and maybe some help with where to exactly start ony my road to recovery because right now it just feels very overwhelming and i dont want to set myself up for failure,i want this more than i've ever wanted anything!!!

[Wishing_on_a_star]

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this as well.. And believe me there's a strong part of me that doesn't want to stop but I know that there are no other options for me. It's either stdy on the meds and let life pass by being numb and not truly enjoying it (even though you think you're enjoying it more on the meds) orrrrr be drug free and live a real life. A life that has it's ups and downs but you learn how to deal with them without numbing yourself.... I think if you haven't already you should read everything everyone has written to me, I think you will find it very inspiring and encouraging to get off these things. The pain is terrible, I know believe me I'm laying here right Now with an ace bandage wrapped around my knee and an ice pack with a pillow under it praying for the pain to go away and to top it off right now I'm waitressing. And bartending running around like a maniac in all this pain bc I need to save money for my own business. But u do what u gotta do.... Life's too short and I want to enjoy every moment of it (not in a fog) hopefully the pain will go away in a few wks like ppl are telling me... I think you should really consider coming off them and now is the perfect time bc you're running out. We can do this together :) msg me if you would like... I'm heree for support and it's nice tohave someone to go through something like this together. Best of luck to you. Be strong and think about what a beautiful life you can have....

And Janet... Best of luck to you tomorrow!! It's never too late and the subs are really good if used properly from my experience. Keep me posted.  You will Both be in my thoughts and prayers.

[whthappened]

Im impressed with you and admire you for trying this. I like you dont know how this happened to me. I trided to get off a couple weeks ago and the pain and body aches was too much to bear so I got back on the meds. I had done cocaine and any other drug and never had this kind of problem. I feel trapped. I was in bad pain and a friend gave me a couple of his vicodin and it made me feel like a superhero..I could go to work and play with my kids after and the euphoria was incredible. I had a nervous breakdown in January and the meds are the only thing that has been able to keep me going because it takes away my pain and lifts my spirits it incredible. Its sad but i dont want to get off and I hate running out and going to the doctor because hes treating me like a dope fiend now..ugh whats next?

[janet19]

I am going to a suboxone treatment clinic tomorrow. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I just keep struggling and struggling and have decided to try Sub. I am sort of afraid of it but the pros sound so promising. I myself don't know if I am doing the right thing.

It is good that you are trying and you can succeed if you set your mind to it. I have been addicted to some type of drug since I was 13 and I am now 51. I had some clean time but always get drawn back in. I have a bad back and was in a car accident in 94 and things just picked up from there. I have chronic pain, everyday also. I have so many pains lately I don't know if I am just making them up. some could be rebound and that happens.

I am tired of sweating. diarrhea, nausea and no energy and being in pain constantly.

You can do this just be strong or trust me it will get worse every relapse and it comes back more fierce than the last time.

[Wishing_on_a_star]

I can do this! I'm just going to take it one day at a time and stop focusing on tomorrow. I decided that it is worth it to at least try and keep moving forward... So I've picked myself back up and did a little dusting lol and I'm going to continue to try my hardest to stay focused and not fall. Thank you all so much for lifting up my spirits! Idk what I would do without you guys :)  

[flmagi]

I haven't read threw all the posts here, so I may be repeating something already said.
Please be extremely careful when taking any amounts of Sub with other prescription medication, especially anti-anxiety meds(different from antidepressants), this could be a deadly combo. Suboxone should be used under doctor supervision.
Many people relapse because of pain. Pain will intensify 100 fold during withdrawals. I live with chronic pain too, and every time I tried to stop the pain meds, my pain was sooo bad, I would relapse, saying "my pain is real and I really need the pain meds". Well, that wasn't true. It took 2-3 weeks for my natural pain killers to kick back in, and my real pain was pretty manageable with Advil etc.   So keep in mind, it will take a few weeks of no Prescription meds (including Sub) to know what your real pain level is. Plan for this time period, accept it. Plan to be very, very tired. It happens and is normal.
Good luck to you, keep fighting, even if you falter. Get back up. You can do it.