How did I get here....?

[Wishing_on_a_star]

Where to begin.... Well I am 26 yrs old and I am addicted to percocets. It starred about 6 months ago when I had gotten into a car accident and was sent to a pain management dr. Which prescrbed me the pain killers. He gave me 90 10 mg pills a month which never lasted and I would end up buying them off the streets until my next visit to he dr. He was very skeptical of giving them to me in the first place being as I'm such a young girl but the pain is unbearable and I had no choice however I absolutely was abusing them because I couldn't get enough of that wonderful feeling they were giving me hence the running out of pills.
Slowly my life started changing... I didn't want to do ANYTHING, slept till 1pm every day, dreaded even just going to the store to buy cigarettes (another new habbit) I would just lay on the couch and watch tv alllllll day long. I gained about 10 lbs and noticed some serious mood swings and then came to the conclusion that this can no longer go on. But it was too late.... They got me already! I would try to taper but was getting very depressed and then would actually have to take them for pain and it would screw everything up. See this is the messed up part, I really do take them for pain but I want out! Bad! I want to be in control of my life again! So every week for the past month I have said ok this is the week I'm going to stop and I would start to take suboxone to get off these things but everytime I decided today is the day I couldn't handle the back and knee pain that I have so I would say ok tomorrow. Well, tomorrow finally came! Sunday evening at 10pm was my last dose of percocet, of course I overindulged bc I couldn't help myself but think why not? It's going to be my last time. So I got a nice buzz and flushed the rest down the toilet giving me no other option but to stop. So I woke up already feeling slight wd's but tried to stay focused. I went to work at 5pm and finished up by 12am. I felt pretty crappy but besides running to the bathroom and sweating alot it wasn't too bad. When I got home I was still scared to take the suboxone bc I've heard if you take it too soon it put you into immediate wd's. So by 1am which was a full 27 hrs I felt I was safe and took 4mg of suboxone and like magic within 10 mins I felt brand new! I'm glad I made this decision however I have many concerns which is why I'm here. One would be am I just substituting one addiction for another or can I take the suboxone for 3 days and stop without feeling terrible? I don't want to take them I want to be done with everything! Will I feel widthdrawal when I stop if I only take them 3 days? And then my other concern is the pain I'm in... Is there anything I can take that is not going to take control of my life? The pain is pretty bad so I'm really worried I won't be able to work without that burning throbbing pain in my back and my knees... I mean is it possible to be able to only take the painkillers when I'm having a bad day or am I now considered an addict that can not touch these things??? I'm so scared of what is to come. I feel lost... Any input here would be more than appreciated... I really have no one to talk to bc I'm scared of being judged and looked at differently by the people in my life that know me as the strong minded, independent  control freak in the family... Might sound stupid but I can't help the way I feel and the only word that comes to mind to explain that would be sad and vulnerable. Thank you in advance to anyone who will take the time to help a lost girl...
  

[Wishing_on_a_star]

I have failed.... I couldn't take the pain any longer and took 2 10mg percocets...(1 the first time then the 2nd about 2 hrs after)  I'm feeling better physically but I'm so dissapointed in myself... I was doing so well! Ughhh back to square one???? Does this throw everything away????? I'm at a loss for words and mentally exhausted... :( there has to be another solution... Another way... Not to be in pain! Sorry to dissapoint you guys... I feel like such a failure...  

[bucksfan]

You can do it Wishing. 12 days man that is so far along!! I wish I was there but I will be in a few more days. I would not throw all that away! I am sorry you are in pain.

[gnarly_1]

hey Girl you can do this....right now your getting whats called rebound pain ..it is pain that is exaggerated from the lack of endorphins in your brain...your brain is use to being slamed with them from the pills now it is going to have to make them for itself this will take a little wile but once you start producing endorphins naturally again things like 800mg ibuprofine
will take the edge off of it...the body has the ability to fight off pain on its own and with the help of some otc stuff you will be suprizes at how well your pain can be managed right now try some alive...ibuprofine...and tylonol  you can take combination's of them for some releaf but it really going to just take some time for your brain to come back on line ....I suffer with 2 bad disks in my back as well as 3 deteriorating and today im in less pain then I was on the narcotics...a lot of members here have found the same...so just hang in there do your best to push past it and releaf is on the way good luck and God bless.....Gnarly      

[Wishing_on_a_star]

Oh the pain! I can't sit, I can't stand, everyyything I do but lay down hurts me. I'm at work and literally tearing up the pain is so bad! Idk what to do... Are these the wd pains still or is this my real pain? I can't take it anymore! But I'm hanging in there... 12 days and counting.....

[pillfree21]

Actually, what you are describing is pretty much the normal, the trick is that you have to beleive it gets better with time and continue to hang on.....have you tried melatonin for sleep?  Different strokes for different folks, but it really worked for me to get at least 5-6 hours a night, evening exercise included.

I caution you about thinking it will all be over at one time, it falls away in pieces which makes it hard to notice, but yoy are gettting better each day.  from time to time, I would also calculate the amount of money I was saving from not going to the methadone clinic, just as a motivator.

Music, movies, constant activity all helped me keep my mind off the pain.

[Wishing_on_a_star]

5:55am and I'm still up. :(  I don't get it I've barely been sleeping and working soooo much but yet... Can't sleep! I'm even taking xanex and that usually knocks me right out but nope, nothing! Well it's been 10 days and I don't feel any better... I mean I do in a sense of freedom, like not having to worry about how many pills I have or when my dr appt is or if i want to stay out of the house as long as I feel like I can... It's the simple things I guess but other than that I'm tired cranky emotional and kinda mean... I thought by now things would be different. Also I was expecting to lose weight bc I gained 10 lbs from taking the percs so I figured as soon as I stopped that weight would fly right off and I can be back into my size 4's :) lol but I'm not!!! What's up with that? Anyone have any insight? And pillfree21, being as your fairly newly clean and everythings still so fresh in your memory and maybe even still feeling some of the changes I was hoping you can fill me in (preferrably in detail lol) plus I just look forward to you guys posting :) it puts me in good spirits!