I have 4 days to withdraw from Vicodin

[gsheps]

I have 4 days to get off of Vicodin. The 5th day I have to pick up my year and a half old grandson to babysit him for 6 days. I have taken 1-2 Vicodin a day 7.5mgs for the past 3 years for pelvic pain. At first, like most people, they put me in a very happy mood (I have bipolar- mostly depression). Then after awhile, I didn't get happy anymore, I just needed one a day to get out of bed. Then I would crave one mid-afternoon. It got to be more and more that I had to take 2 a day. I had my script filled for 20- 11 days ago. I only have 6 left. I gave them  to my husband to hold on so I can take one a day for the six days I have my grandson, so I will be able to function and enjoy him. Without the 6 pills for the 6 days I am fearful of going through a depression and not being able to function as well as I should. SO the problem is what should I do to lessen the side effects of getting off these pills for 5 days? After that, when I take the 6 for 6 days- I want OFF them for good. One time I did order from overseas pharmacy, but they charged my credit card twice for one script, so I canceled the script as I was mad about that and also afraid to get in trouble because I heard it is illegal.  Does anyone out there think my withdrawals won't be so bad because I don't take that much? The problem is the amount of years I have been taking them I think. I have klonopin here and also librium, I am not sure which would be the better drug to just stay sedated while I withdraw. That is what the would give you in the hospital. I know because I was in there for alcohol detox, but there again that was alcohol and I am not sure if the klonopin or librium will help with a vicodin withdrawal. I am not sure what amount of either drug per day is acceptable or should I just go by how nervous I am getting? I have a love/hate relationship with this drug- and I know I have to get off of them because if I am taking this $hit then I am truly not 100% sober. And I am disgusted and ashamed that here I am, now a grandmother, taking care of her grandson and feeling I need those pills to function in order to take good care of him. My husband has been laid off almost 2 years and at least he will be around if the baby gets to be too much for me (he is very energetic and crawls around at about 90 mph and you can't keep your eyes off him for a second). SO I guess my big question is: IS there anyone out there that has withdrawn from this small of amount and is my addiction more pyschological then physical and will klonopin or librium be helpful to get me through it. THIS TOTALLY $UCKS!!!

[IBKleen]

Glad to hear you are past the pills and okay. Also glad to hear you are seeking outside support.

I will say what you know--men with the men, and woman with the woman. There are several reasons for that and doesn't have to do with a fear of attraction. I would question any man, and his program, who took you on as a sponsee.

Why not just hang with the ladies and get some phone numbers. When you feel a good fit with one of them, ask them to sponsor you temporarily. Or try another meeting to find one.

Keep talking here too, it helps as well.

[gsheps]

Today is Saturday morning and my dear sweet grandson is watching "Elmo's World" DVD on our VCR. He loves it and watches it all the time, like he never saw it before! ha ha My husband is with him while I am up here writing. Last night I did drink :(... but the good news, at least to me, is that I did not drink a lot. I had two drinks and that was it. I am still tired and ache, but I have zero pills now so have to just deal with it. My doc did not call me in a refill and probably that is a meant to be thing. I figure if I can get through until Monday without any pills then it should be pretty much clear sailling from there and the rest will be in my head that I think i need them. To jstntime- thanks for your nice response and for supporting me. I did have a sponsor, but she was an older lady and I found her telling me stuff about some other sponsee she had. Things she should not have told me. I could tell she is a gossiper, and I didn't feel I could trust her to tell her anything without her telling others. So I basically told her I didn't think I wanted a sponsor. Now I have to find another one, but it isn't that easy. I have to find the right one that is a fit for me. Ironically, there is this guy who is almost 80 in my group and he is very calm and wise. He himself got sober late in life. He is 14 years sober. There is one guy in my group who has bullied me in the past and made me feel really bad because it seems every time I am due for a chip I screw it up and drink. I lasted 2 months sober and ended up drinking. Then I went another month sober and ended up drinking. The another month, and ended up drinking. This guy was on my case about it. I started crying and the older guy came up and said what is going on here? And I told him and he said just keep coming to meetings, keep coming back! One day it will click- you can do this! So I kinda want him as my sponsor but everyone says because i am a woman (53) i can't have a man as a sponsor. I understand the reasoning, but I don't see me and this guy having some affair if he were my sponsor. He is like the fatherly type I never had. My Dad killed himself when I was 14. Well, back to reality here...I have today and tomorrow to power through with my grandson. We really are enjoying him. But I have to say I am happy he takes naps! AND goes to bed at 8 p.m.! lol There is one person I could call who is a woman in my AA group, but she has big problems herself right now. She is trying to get custody of her 1 year old and 3 year old grandaughters because her daughter is a drug addict. Her husband is also and is abusive and she took off with him to FLorida leaving the kids with my AA friend. SO I don't want to call her about me, because she has enough to worry about. I just figure I will go to AA on Monday after we drop off our grandson and maybe ask the older man to temporarily sponsor me. My nerves are fried and every time I try to talk at AA I end up crying, so I usually don't talk too much. I have been trying to make small talk with the bully so he will like me, but it is clear that he doesn't. That is another problem I have. I want everyone to like me. And the world is just not like that. Some people just don't like you, for whatever reason. I have to remember that he has problems too. So no more pain pills...gonna struggle to get through the weekend. I know I can make it. Then I have to really sit down and take stock of all my $hit and how to deal with everything so I never have to go through this again! Thanks Again Bob!        

[jstntime]

Hi,

I can really feel your pain in your post.  I know how hard this is.  You are NOT a loser.  Would you call a cancer patient a loser because they suffered from that terrible disease???  Of course not.  You need to understand that being an addict/alcoholic is also a disease which we did not choose for ourselves.

Your disease is not all in your head.  Do you have a sponsor to call?  Or another meeting you can go to?  You need some help with this.  If you are serious about quitting everything, you need to pull out all the stops to get it done.  Only you know your past.  DO you really think the whiskey will help?

I really hope you get some help, it is plain to see you are suffering and panicking.  Please reach out to someone.  If you are serious about being clean, you need to have some help.  I know exactly where you are and my heart breaks for your situation.

Really pulling for you and hoping your ride gets a little easier,

bob

[gsheps]

Thanks for the pat on the back, but I am thinking now I don't deserve one. :(

Today is now Friday. We picked up my grandson yesterday and I took a half a pill before that. Then we brought him to the zoo. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I was very irritable, and totally EXHAUSTED. I was really upset because I wanted to take my time and enjoy the zoo with my husband and grandson. Part of it was it turned very HOT out, and I dressed for cool because it was kinda cold when we started out. Then my daughter said my grandson was sick with the runs the day before, plus he has a runny nose and may be cutting another tooth. So he wasn't exactly having that great a time himself. When we got home I was so beat and was aching all over. I am not sure if it might be some kind of low-grade booze withdrawal or what. Today is 8 days without booze. But I needed another half of a vicodin just to wake up to take care of my grandson when we got home. He had a big burst of energy and was crawling and exploring and you have to be right on top of him at all times. By the time he went to bed I was a bundle of pain. Every muscle was killing me. I decided F it, I am going to take one of the three halfs of pills I had left because I couldn't deal with it. No amount of aspirin can touch my pain, and I was prescribed this med for pelvic inflammatory disease and right now I am PMS and soon to be getting my period and having really bad cramps. About a 7 on the 1-10 scale. When I get my period it is a 10 for 5 days. When I am not in PMS or have my period I operate at a 4 every day for the rest of the month. Anyhow, I was practically crying that I had to take that half pill and what was I going to do? I had only 2 half-pills left and I say had, because I took both this a.m. because the pain shot up to a 10 and my fatigue is unbearable. I drank coffee up the wazoo and it didn't make a dent in my tiredness. Not even the pills helped, and they always do. So I figure I am  now screwed. I have today, and then Sat and Sun and then Monday we bring him back to his Mom and Dad. Without my pain pills I feel I will be how I am right now (he is sleeping and has been for 3 hours! he woke up this a.m. at 8, and went back down for a nap at 10 because he just is not feeling well at all) anyhow, I am here writing and can barely stay awake. I called my script in to my pharmacy, it has no refills and they are now calling it into my doc. I pray she will refill it, but I am not expecting she will. IF anything, she will either do nothing or call me and say what is going on with you? Now I am wondering how much of this is all in my head and also if it just isn't the lack of booze also? My hubby went to pick up some food for us and the baby and I called him on his cell phone and asked him to buy me just a little whisky...a half pint. HE usually would freak out and say NO! Get it yourself if you want to drink. But amazingly he said ok, because he sees how weak and terrible I am feeling. He just said if you drink that, you don't drink anymore today. Being an alcoholic, there is no such thing as a "few" drinks. I would drink whatever I get until it is gone. But I am trying not to feel guilty. I just really cannot function. I am sure there are people reading this saying what a loser! And that is what i feel like! A TOTAL LOSER! I can't seem to get my **** together at all. I told my husband after we bring the baby home on Monday I am going to take stock of my situation big time. I went to AA all week and each day came back dragging *** like I was gonna die. I don't know what this fatigue is all about. It is bad enough I am bipolar, but also an alcoholic and now sort of a drug addict? Geez. I would have never thought all this would happen to me. I didn't know I was bipolar until i was 48 and that is when I started really drinking a lot. And then 1 year later I end up with pelvic inflammatory disease. Well, there is nothing I can do right this moment. I know it is easy to say DON"T DRINK! but I feel I must if I am to wake up and feel better. My husband will be home soon and the baby will wake up and he is a good guy and more than happy to take care of him, while the loser of a grammy is drinking her 3-4 drinks. I make myself sick. I just kind of want to die sometimes!          

[pillfree21]

You are fighting a pretty good fight...keeping trying.  It seems your tapering yourself down pretty good.  At such a low dose, I am sure you can get through the WDs, it will just take a few days of the physical and then it become a mental challenge.  

Just wanted to pat you on the back for taking a stand and moving toward the target.

[gsheps]

Oh, I also want to add, that on Monday I took one more Soma. This time, it was around dinner and I had just eaten, it hit me like a brick. My husband had to walk me to the couch as I almost keeled over. I heard this can happen if you drink with Soma, which I did not. Like I said, I have been sober 6 days. Prior to my 2 month bender I have been sober, with a few one-two days slips since February 2010. This time I hope it sticks for good, but I am finally learning the "one day at a time" thing and the "keep it simple" thing! Anyhow, I crashed and slept for 3 solid hours. Now I can see where people might get addicted if they have pain and just need solid sleep. I woke up pain free and feeling great! But it didn't last. I started getting the pain and muscle aches again. The next day I flushed my whole Soma prescription down the toilet. I did not want to take the chance of another addiction. I have enough problems, I don't need to add that to the mix! Thanks, brightfuture, for your encouragement, yes, I agree, keeping super busy helps to keep your mind off the drug and your withdrawals. When I layed on the couch all day Sunday it just made it worse. The next day I went to AA, and then again yesterday, and I am going again today...when I go there I never think about vicodin or pain. It just all goes away. The meetings really help me a lot. The weather has been kinda cold and a lot of rain for August, which in a way matches my mood. But in other ways, if it were nice out at least I could hike with my dogs and get my mind off of this. I know for a fact when my grandson gets here-I can't wait! :)  I will be soooo busy watching him, that I think this will do me a world of good. I don't want to be a drug addict!