I'm ready to quit and I'm scared...

[june66]

I'm a 25 year old woman living in beautiful Miami and studying in the medical field. I have been using hydrocodone for about 5 months on a regular basis, before that for about 4 months only on the weekends. The past few months I have been having to use it daily in order to feel ok. I was never prescribed these pills and discovered them while working in a night club through other people. They made me "happier" and gave me more energy to work all night long.
I was taking about 60-180 mg a day. I have been tappering myself off the past week and am down to 20 mg a day.

The saddest thing is that I didn't know how addicting these things were. My "friend" who was selling them to me and put me on to them didn't say anything and I unfortunantly have been very sheltered when it comes to drugs. Last month I went out of town and didn't have any for several days. I was sad about it but didn't think anything of it. When I started running to the bathroom every 20 mins and having hot and cold flashes and restless leg syndrome I thought I caught the flu on the plane. When I told my other friend about it on my way to pick up some more pills, she asked me if I was going through withdrawal. How sad. It hit me like a brick wall. I realized then I was truely addicted.

I don't want this problem anymore! I don't have any desire to take them, I am only taking what little I am now to keep from being sick. Because I am down to such a low dose I wake up in the morning with slight withdrawal symptoms from sleeping all night without any. I take 7.5 mg to stave off the uncomfortable feeling and go about my day. I repeat this twice more throughout the day. I can't buy anymore because that's when I start using 60-180 mg a day just because I have them and want to get high.

I am starting the Thomas Program this week. I need suggestions, advice, support. Nobody knows about this problem, not even my boyfriend. I feel like a royal jerk for keeping this from him but I am determined to kick. Does anybody know how long and how bad my WD symptoms should last since I am down to about less than 30 mg a day?

Thanks,
June in Miami

[goldenarm]

Theres a shadow just behind me,shrouding every step i take making every promise empty pointing every finger at me,,Then the part that goes on to Jesus wont you Fing whistle something but the past ,is done,Mother Mary wont you whisper something but the past is done..
Interesting lyrics.I really like the Why cant we be Sober, I just want to start things over.
Makes sense to me..That is scary all by itself. and very motivating at teh same time. I think we really get into action behind fear and pain..And of course Pleasure...Hope your having a good day..

[RC184]

WOW...is all have to say I am amazed by your post .... I wish could be that strong but  ended up giving my meds to my husband because  was just poping them like skiddles.. I am now down to 5 and I no longer have control over them I will not ever touch another pill after this is all over with.... I  am staying in bed all weekend with no pills except the Klonopin to let me sleep .... Then I will be back to work on Monday with maybe 2 pills in my system this is going to be a fast taper for me. I just can not stop working that is what keeps me going and my husband he said it was ok, but not me I got myself here I will get myself out "YOU REALLY MOTIVATED ME" with your thoughts. I could not lie to my husband so now he is part of my solution so I can get out of this alive... KEEP UP THE GREAT POSTING they are AWSOME!  I feel like can really do this:)

[june66]

I would suggest you get somebody to help you, and I say that only because you have 3 kids. It's going to be hard enough to take care of yourself much less 3 kids. If you aren't ready to tell anybody then say it's the flu. Call your mom or somebody! Wait til you go CT and when it gets unbearable call for backup. That should buy you at least 3-4 days when the WD will be the worst. They can take care of the kids and take care of you. The remedies for WD are very similar to those of the flu... plenty of liquids, Immodium, hot baths and vitamins... play it off!
Good luck and keep us posted!

[LoandTansMom24]

THANK U SO MUCH!!! Like I said, I've been down this road before, but its been years and   I was coming off of oxys, not subs. I will DEFINITELY try the tips you have given me. Its just so much harder trying to do this w/ kids. Before, I only had my oldest son and although I was miserable, I just can't help but think how much harder it will be having 3 kids depending on me to take care of them while I feel like ****.

[june66]

The biggest help was tappering. It really really was not fun, but it made CT that much easier. Have been CT since Wed morning and it's only Friday and I am feeling pretty great all things considered. All because of the taper. It is unpleasant but it makes WD when you CT a LOT better. Try to start as soon as you can, the longer you taper the better the outcome.
Since I went CT hot showers, L-Tyrosine in the morning with B6, Magnesium supplements and eating lots of bannas and Immodium have helped HUGELY. As for the restlessness at night I take ,5 mg of Xanax. Not sure if that's a good idea for everybody, but since xanax is very different from oxycodone (not to mention I hate xanax and the way it makes me feel) I thought it was would be an easy sleep aid for me to use to get through the first few restless nights.
Good luck, and all I can reiterate is TAPER!
~June66

[LoandTansMom24]

I so admire your strength! I, too will be where you are at....again! This time off of suboxone. I have been on them for almost 4 yrs. I never took over 8 mg a day, but I am scared ********!! LOL I have 3 kids. They are 4, 2, & 5 mths. I just don't know if I can quit. I want to so bad, but I am so scared of the w/ds. What has helped you the most?