My god.

[wtf1213]

I am in a mess here. Started taking pain medication for legit pain. Now if I dont have them I cant think straight. My stomache hurts.. I wake up in a complete panic at the thought of getting through the day. Im a mother..and a disgrace. My father was an addict..clean for many years. He died of cancer a few months ago..i would do anything to have him here to help me as he would know exactly how I feel.Nobody knows of my troubles. I am suffering in silence..and bad. First day with no vicodin today. Im freezing and aching for my Dad even more..i was taking about 5  7.5.a day.

[lulu747]

Hello and welcome...I am so sorry for your suffering and know it well-I was there 20 days ago (physically anyways)  Are you detoxing because you want to or because you ran out of meds and were forced to?  Your dosage wasn't very high and so probably your detox will not be too long.  Like having a terrible flu for 3-5 days.  Keep hydrated, look up the Thomas Recipe-I used it and it really helps.  Do you have anyone at all that you can tell?  You are not a disgrace.  You are only human and you are sick and need help.  Try not to judge yourself-it's wasted energy right now.  Be kind to yourself.  There is a lot of great support and wise advice on this forum...Let us know what you need....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you lulu..i ran out I dont buy from the streets or anything like that..just get the scripts from my doctor. I know that I can call at anytime for more because of my issues. I almost did today.but I didnt. I love my family so much.what did I do? I cant tell anyone. Im tol ashamed.

[wtf1213]

And I know what friggin treat im in fir tonight..the constant moving of my legs is enough to drive me insane..but why am I so damn cold..sweet jesus im freezing. The minutes feel like hours. People talk but all o see is thier lips moving. Everything is boring. Am  I ever going to feel normal again. I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I know what addiction does and I put MYSELF in this position!?

[lulu747]

Take a deep breath.  It's going to be okay. You just have to be okay with not being okay for awhile.  Tell yourself you have the flu and stop beating yourself up and whatever you do- DON'T get more pills.  I chose to cold turkey against medical advice and it was the smartest thing I've ever done.  Life on opiates is no life at all-and you're going through it and the only way out is through.  Listen to music..Pray...Stay hydrated-it only gets worst if you don't drink enough.  Dress warm.  Watch movies.  Vitamins, melatonin, valerian root all help immensely.  I lived in the bath tub for five days.  Hot baths are the best.  Bananas help the restless legs.  You will feel normal again-in fact you'll feel better than normal...But you'e going to feel like hell for a few days.  Just hang in there you're doing great...I am here if you need anything.....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much your little comments are helping me rifht now. This secret is making me sick. My Dad sponsored and helped so many people..but when I need him.. He is gone..his obituary online flooded with people saying..your Dad held my hand and said we will do this together..god what I wouldnt fo for his hand right now.

[littlebit667]

I hate that the one person you want can't be there for you.  Please let this site help you where he can't.  Know he would want you to get the help to get thru this.  You are NOT a failure, just an addict.  It is not the end of the world, I promise.  Here is a writeup I give out and I hope it  helps.

I kept telling myself...YOU HAVE the FLU!  It will be over and I will feel so much better.  My brain seemed to get that and settled down a little.  It is hard, but doable!  The Thomas Recipe (bottom of the page under Health Pages will help.  I did not to the tranquilizers and had to cut back on the Ltryosine, but the rest really helped.  Imodium, Imodium, Imodium (liquid or pills if the liquid can't be found or you can't swallow it) will help.  I took double the dosage for a few days (personal choice) and it helped so much..even with the withdrawals in general and the opiate trots which sucked.  

Hydrate and eat!  Even if it is just a little every hour or so.  You have to eat something to keep your energy up as much as possible.  

If you have Restless legs..it is hit or miss what works.  Walking seemed to help me some.  Hot bath with epsom salts..a little.  I finally had to get my doctor to refill my restless legs meds (non addictive) to get some sleep.  If nothing works,your doctor might help.  

One hour at a time is all anyone can ask.  After 2 weeks it gets a little better and I started to say, One day at a time!  Your brain will do all sorts of things to get you to take a pill.  I found if I was hungry..the cravings got worse.  I would try to eat a banana, a few grapes or a few crackers to get that under control.

Good for you.  I hope all goes well.  You have made a good start coming here....this site has helped me so much!!!  Keep posting!!!!!

[atthebeach]

Hylands restful legs
,magnesium and calcium supplements
Hot baths with epsom salts has magnesium
These all help with rls.
Take immodiun for your stomach.
You can do this this. Stay positive.
You are giving yourself a wonderful start to a new year.
Congrats
Sending hope,encouragement and prayers
Debbie

[wtf1213]

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond. Has anyone taken Hylands and it helped. The restless legs are luke torture to me. They are the main reason I get a refill.. Im sorry im just being honest . The restless feeling is the absolute worst :(

[vicki595]

Yes...Hylands helps. It's the quinine in it. Take as directed. Also for RLS, get some potassium/magnesium tablets. Eat bananas and drink apple juice. Epsom salt in a hot bath. It has magnesium in it which is what your muscles need right now. It works quite well!

Try all these things and they'll work. I hope this will keep you away from a refill. Be sure to drink extra fluids. Gatorade is the best along with water. Don't let yourself get dehydrated!

Keep posting!

[wtf1213]

Thank you..i cant get a refill..then I will be back in this same boat in another month. I feel like a dumb *** dog chasing his tail.

[wtf1213]

Ill get some Hylands tomorrow.

[atthebeach]

Hun your dad is smiling down on you.
He his holding your hand. He is going to help you get through.
Start with the meetings,get yourself plugged in and then you can carry on his legacy.
Yes stay off the roller coaster. This is your time.
Hugs
We are here too to hold your hand.

[wtf1213]

Atthebeach. Thank you. Im crying because you are so right. I wish he were here so much to help me. I found his NA book up my Moms the other day..read all the little notes that were left from other people. I cant go to a meeting. im too afraid of others finding out. I know that might be wrong but nobody keeps a secret around here. I dont know what im going to do as far as long term. All I know for now is I cant look back right now and get through these withdrawls.why am I so afraid of it? Like.scared to death.

[brians_wife]

We all went through the anxiety of the w/d. It ***** but once you are about 48 hours in thats the worst of it so then there is nothing to be afraid of. It does get better. Day 8 here. Deep breaths.

[wtf1213]

Thats real good Brianswife that you are on day 8..congrats. Im laying in bed getting ready for a long restless night. I did this all to myself..made my bed..time to lie in it!

[lulu747]

You're doing great doll-use this forum...Your dad would be proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.  I used the Hylands and it worked for me when nothing else would-bananas too.  They helped me sleep when even sleep meds didn't work.  You are scared because it feels like a loss of control.  But it's not-it's the opposite.  The pills were in control and now you're taking control back.  Stay positive.  Stay strong-it's a mental game.  Treat yourself with as much love and compassion as you would anyone else who was suffering.  I know you feel alone but you are not.  I am still up half the night and will be here if you need anything.  Soft music, clean pj's, candles-these all help.  Just take it one moment at a time and know that each moment leads towards recovery and a better life....Lu

[brians_wife]

You really should ease up on yourself. This is not something any of us wanted. It's a disease. If you had cancer you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. This is a trap we all got into. You want out that is huge! Be proud of every min you don't use. That is a very big accomplishment! This is very hard to do. You are doing great and you will get even better! Count the wins not the mistakes that you cant change. We are all still struggling with sleep so someone should be around all night. Post any time you need to.

[atthebeach]

Don't anticipate the withdrawls..  Just take it minute by minute.the fear of it is many times worse than the actual withdrawl. Pray for peace to flood your heart,mind ,soul and body. Don't let the fear in.you are going to do great.
You said your secret is making you sick. You said so many people loved your dad and that he helped so many people. What are you afraid of??
Don't  worry about what other people think.this is your life and your recovery.
Check into one on one therapy.a psycholigist,addiction specialist,pastor.
You could even go gto alanon. You are the child of an alcoholic. They use the same 12 step program as aa.

[wtf1213]

Im afraid of everything right now..afraid of my husband leaving me if I tell him..other parents not allwing their children to associate with mine..my father was an opiate addict not an alcoholic..being a daughter of an opiate addict I should have known what this does to families..im sorry im not making sense. I just took a benedryl to try and get some sleep..sometimes it helps me sleep. I thank every one of you for taking time to comment.thank you so much.

[bama88]

I just read your post and want to say your dointg good. I know how much pain your in emotionally and phsically. I also see that your being way to hard on yourself. You cant have that job. Thats my job. Lol i was so hard on myself..i made it worst for myself. You dont need to.feel ashamed

[bama88]

Ugh my phone posted before i was done. Dont be ashamed of yourself. There a thousands of people addicted to these pills. I am one of them. I was so ashamed and hated myself and beat myself up daily on the oxy and off. I felt worthless. And any other negative thought. Thats the disease talking to us. I bet your dads right by your side praying for you. You just cant see him. But hes there. Or hes praying in heaven for your recovery. He would tell you to go to na fix yourself than pass it on. Youve got such a insperational story others need to here. Not now but later. Oh i thought nobody knew about my dirty secret. Everyone knew. Not trying to scare you. I want you to feel less alone in this. I wish i had a majic wand to make this pass fast. Abracadabra. Sorry my rabbit stole my wand. And believe it or not someone is reading your posts flowing your story to help themselves. I was told by several people i helped them even when i couldnt help myself. Heres a hug and a tall prayer for you. Youve got a friend in bama

[wtf1213]

Thanks bama...i really needed to hear some of the things you said.. I decided NOT to call for a refill..my stomach us killing me..im freezing and shaking a little. I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding out of my chest..i just started praying to my Dad and god to help mr..im afraid of the physical part but not half as im afraid of the mental part. As you can see I beat myself up terribly..always have. Anyway thank you for taking the time to comment. I dony know how im getting through this day but ill manage someway :/

[atthebeach]

Good morning. Are you taking the clonindine?can you check your bp?
Your dad was an opiate addict. My husband is a reocvering opiate addict 22 months he has been clean. My son 26  also used not opiates but coke,pot,xanax.he is now in recovery for 2 1/2nyrs. My daughter 20 is using oxys now. It is a family disease. You saw your dad do it.that was how he dealt with life.my children swore they wouldn't and they did.
You can break the cycle of addiction now. Don't refill.you take control of your life don't let the pills control you.
There is recovery.there is hope.you have to wqant it more than you want the pills. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.it will get brighter each day.  Does your husband knows you have a script ??

[wtf1213]

I dont know.ironicly enough he is a policeman .undercover narcotics officer..wtf. I think if he knew he would be supportive and demand I get help. He knows I have hip problems ..sees me hobbling around. Im so scared.