hi all

[dede2121]

It's federal again. I have been reading for quite awhile now and finally got the courage to post again. I am still struggling. Now what i don't understand is my need to take 3 to 4 pills a week. Yes I said a week. I can't seem to let go. I am fine when I take them but when I don't have them I am really depressed. I refuse to leave my house except to work. I have shut myself off from everyone except when I have to. I don't want to be around anyone or anything. I don't know what is wrong with me. Anyone have any suggestions for me?

[dede2121]

Thanks Bob. Talk to u tomorrow. Imdone I do remember you. We messaged each other several times. It is good to talk about this to you all again

[ImDONENoMore]

Hi dede!  Not sure if you remember me but I remember you - it's so good to see you again.  I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

I agree with sara - you need to talk to a Dr. and find an AD that will work for you - it can be trial and error w/those meds so don't give up if the first one isn't helping.  I'm sure if you talk this through w/a Dr. you'll find something that will help.

I actually went the St. John's Wort route - and it was a huge help for me in the depression dept.  Might be something to consider?

Again, welcome back.  I'm so glad you returned.  :)

[eyeofhorus2010]

Yeah, the depression is a big thing. I wish I had better words of wisdom on that subject but it's not something I've had to deal with other than the normal depression that comes with gaining sobriety. Of course during those times I did feel depressed I wore out "The Beach Boys- In my room" and "Five for Fighting- 100 years". So I do know that feeling of dispair.

You're a pretty tough cookie, and I know you've overcome a lot. Get to a doctor and get this sorted out. You're to valuable of a person to live inside a shell, others need to see that you are special. You are to me.

I'm about to head to the house so I'll check in with you bright and early tomorrow.

[dede2121]

Bob I really am tired of this crap. I think once I deal with this depression I will feel better also.

[dede2121]

Bo what are u taking for depression? I have tried several ones and never noticed a big change _

[eyeofhorus2010]

Hey Dedee, I'm always here for you. You know that.

I don't think the problem is that you're weak, I think you try to shoulder too much on your own without asking for help. You've got a lot on your plate and that kind of stress can drive us to feel we deserve an escape. Sadly a pill is the easiest and cheapest way to do that. Believe me, I've been there many times.

I don't go to meetings, but I do listen and learn and I come here everyday to at least read posts.  I use this as a tool to better understand myself and why i used pills the way I did. I've got issues that run pretty deep and I'm still trying to sort those out but I've learned that my craving and desire to escape is signaling something going on in my life at that very moment that I need to deal with in a positive way.

I think I read that someone close to you has given up on you and he's been unavailable. That must be your brother. I know he helped and supported you in many ways and that you are very close to him. If that's the case, just remember, blood runs pretty thick and he won't abandon you. You'll get him back. I'm sure of it

Don't worry too much about your relapses. They're a part of this process. Soon you will be just too tired to do the merry go round of pills and that's when you'll really start to heal.

As always, I'm here for you as long as you want me to be.
I'm thrilled to be able to talk to you again. Thanks.
Bob.