im sooo down tonite....

[jt808]

i feel like sht tonite its like i feel like such a loser which ive never really felt like at least not in this way or because of what im bout to say, im sure its not big deal to many of u but is to me. ok well lil bit ago i found out that all my friends were having our annual fantasy draft which we do every year before the start of football season, i was the one who got it started like 5/6 yrs ago and i find out from a buddy who isnt in the draft that there all overe at the guys house who has it every year doing it and noone called me to tell me or anythng lke that in fact ive been asking a few of em whn it was and they all say i dnt kno blah blah blah stuff so i tried calling them and texting them and no one was answering  my cals or texts im sure there all over there talking saying like oh its him and im not answering and stuff like that and for me to sit here thinking that thee doing that really makes me feel like complete sht and i can honestly say for the first time in id say my whole life i feel like a loser i have always ben pretty popular but after tonite i feel like a loser i kno its not a big deal to u all but im really down and it made me realize that i dont have any true friends and tht hurtsalot these are the same group of friend tht i told a lil over a year ago tht i have a problem and from that day i told em last year not ONE of em have ever called texted or emailed me asking how i was or anythn like that so i guess i shouldnt be surprised who knows mayb im just feeling srry for myself. but the only thng ive been able to thnk about since this happaned was to go get sum meds and i already been making calls so its just matter of time so there goes like around a month of clean time but i just cant stop thnking about how pisssed i am so sry to waste ur all time wth this but just had to do somethn cuz i was going crazy

[LateAugust]

Oh gosh,  I know it was and is hard for you....  your friends mean so much to you    and you to them....   My best friends are the ones I had in high school,  and I moved a long way from home once I was out of college.   Reading your response  breaks my heart,  as it did for my daughter when she experienced the same thing......  I do understand your pain,  and I am so very sorry. I can only tell you what I told her   please don't lose anymore self respect,   don't think of yourself as an "addict unworthy of friends or family" and different than your friends,  be determined to end this friggin nightmare of the pills......   the past is the past     you have control over today  and tomorrow  and what you do with your life from this point going forward.  Please don't take a step backwards,  you deserve so much more.....      Please  don't start over,  it just gets harder.     Please know my thoughts are with you  and you make the right decision for a healthy life and relationships.          

[jt808]

actually u were by far the closest on how it is and how i feel and mayb how they feel so u are not far off at all its just so hard cuz u need these people and i have ben close t em for so long that when they did that it blew my mind and im not one to really show my emotions alot and feel the way i did but when it happaned i was first pissed than slowly realized what was actually happaning and i got really sad and almost started crying and belive me when i say i dont cry esp. like over tht kinda stuff but it was pretty hard.

[LateAugust]

I'm sorry hun,  but it reads like you started using drugs  i.e. pills  your friends didn't and when you told them about it  they all  just kinda disappeared from your life.  I guess  I am a bit at odds with the other posters,  because I don't see them as losers HOWEVER nor do I see you as a loser....   Perhaps the true danger of addiction has gotten thru to them,  perhaps when you say they party hard  it is drinking beer??  I don't know,  have they been hurt by your drug addiction at anytime?

I have lived the oxy addiction with my 22 yr old daughter,  one of the many things/people she lost during her addiction was her friends that she has known since kindergarten.  I remember when her best friend told me she could not watch my daughter slowly kill herself any longer.... and it broke my daughter's heart, her bff heart and mine too,  but I completely agreed with that decision.      I am not saying this applies to you,  but for my daughter,  she has a long way to go to make amends to her friends.  Like you  she was the most popular, the fun one to be with, gorgeous, great personality, intelligent.....  and I am not saying that because I am her mom....  she truly was  and is beginning again to be herself...  But in her addiction she hurt a lot of her friends,  they were so afraid of losing her,  and I applaud their decision, regardless of how hard it was for them    to run from her addiction....  not a life I want for any of them.

Maybe your friends care more for you than you know,     and it may take some time for them to know the drugs are out of your life,  they want the real YOU back....  that guy that was so much fun to be around,  the friend that was always there to depend on....

I may have missed the point completely,  I guess I am just trying to share a similar experience that my daughter went thru, from a different perspective than the other posters.   Get your life back dear.....  don't lose anyone or anything else because of addiction....  based on your posts  you are so obviously over that *ullshit.    


My best wishes for you and I apologize if I missed the whole point here.

[jt808]

yea ur rite it was kinda a excuse and ur also rite that if it woulda been or if it ever is a bigger more serious deal than what will i do will i go running back to it just like i did this time i mean every time i quite i always find sum thng or reason to go back this time its this last time it was bills time before that my ex girlfriend and so on i just gotta figure it out and get my stuff together. i have to re learn a different way of thinking and use it instead of taking the easy way out. thanks for ur commenst and concerns.

[whitie]

from what you said, this all started when you told them you had a problem. you also said they party hard and you dont. well, they are either mad that you quit,because they use or despise people that take drugs. they dont call you because you dont go out swilling with em is about the only other thing I guess?


what if something really bad happens.........then I guess then it will be even more reason to use,right?

[avisg]

yes you wanted  to get high and this was your excuse  to use .Sooner or later you are going to have to stop making excuses and get clean I grantee in the end you will be so much happier .We are here :)