months and months of lies

[flyforfish]

Well here goes, I have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to go to rehab. The problem is that my wife thinks I've been clean since January.  We've been on this ride two times already, both times I just rode out the acute withdraws for a week. Then I just feel crazy forever developed an anxiety disorder.  So I start using again and it goes on until I get caught again.  Well its that time again where I've run through all my money destroyed my credit and continually lied to my wife about my addiction she thinks I'm clean and doesn't know where the money is going. I do have a legitimate back injury, but I buy off the street too because the doctor has no idea where my tolerance is. I want so badly to be honest I hate myself,  suicide somtimes seems easier than the truth makes me wish I didn't have anybody who cared about it because it'd already be done,  but I'm a coward. I'm scared my wife will leave me. I'm scared I'll never be OK. What about work? We have EAP and great insurance but I can't lose my job I don't know how any of this works.  What I've been doing won't work it's just a cycle. I'm a firefighter so I could easily be fired for being an addict.  My whole life is upside down, and I don't know what to do?

[weaver71]

Read back through this post and make a list of all the advice made and start doing one at a time. To me, doctor and therapist appointment and go to the next NA meeting you can locate. You will have to decide how far you are willing to go to get clean AND keep her.

[atthebeach]

I am proud of you for being honest. It took alot for you to do that.
She will understand that if she thinks about it.
I know you dont feel like it was the right thing now,but it was.

[atthebeach]

I am so sorry she responded that way.
She needs some time. She reacted out of anger and hurt.
It is understandable. Ask her to look at our forum "living with an addict"
Tell her you will do whatever she wants as far as trying to work things out.
8 months is a very short time to be married and then divorced.
Vows are for better or worse. There is healing.
Ask her to go to counseling with you.
Did you stop using yet?
Did you call your doctor and tell him you are an addict?
Did you delete your dealer number?
You should change your phone number that is always a good thing to do.
Please keep the faith.
Ask her to wait and let you prove yourself to her.
Sending hope,
Debbie

[flyforfish]

We've been married for 8 months.  And together for 3 and a half years I have no idea what to tell my family.

[flyforfish]

We've been married for 8 months.  And together for 3 and a half years I have no idea what to tell my family.

[Jinx_777]

give her some time to let it soak in.  how long have you been married?  
oh man.   when she see's you making progress to stop, she will come back.  there are a few on here that got divorced or left at first and now are back together working on their relationship.  have to give her some time and space.