need a little encouragment

[newlifeahead]

I have been reading this for a few weeks. It has really helped but i decided i too would like the support and realized by posting i could get and give the same encouragement to and from others goitn through the same crap. Just a breif backround i have been on vic and perc's for a LONG time i was clean for 2 years then relapsed why idk because that was by far the BEST 2 yrs of my life i didnt go on them as bad this time but it has been about a year now.  I stopped my last vic 10 days ago but through this last weekend took some tramadol i only had 10 (i dont usually take tram but it seemed to help) HOWEVER i am sure it was a mistake so my last tram was on mon morning but over the weekend i had only taken a total of 10. Since monday late afternoon i have felt not so good. Some points were REALLY bad i am sureit was still from vic and the tram jsut covered it tues i did quite a bit of cleaning ( i also have a 10 month old) so i have no choice but to keep moving.Slept really well mon but last night was HELL i didnt sleep but maybe 2 hrs combined just because of RLS (restless legs) they come faithfully every night by 7 pm that is the WORSE symptom and seems to be the one that i have the most.Today didnt feel too motivated but still took care of my sweet boy (which is one of my major motivations for staying clean he deserves me to be clean) and I deserve it too.... anyway jsut wondering if anyone can tell me how long the restless legs and sleep issues went on for. I eat bannannas dont help i also take warm baths (which help me feel better but not w the RLS) i ahve tried the restless legs med from hyland TOTAL WASTE of money. What has gotten me through this is my faith in God and prayer i know if i pray he helps me immensly. But this RLS doesnt want to stop i would be feelign pretty good if it werent for this i even get it during the day if i sit too much. cant wait for life to be back to normal and i can sleep naturally again. I am inspired by all the strength and clean time on here jsut need a little encouragment thanks:)

[desperatetobefree]

yeah newlife i am young and thats why i decided i want to be normal for atleast a bit of whats left of my twenties,lol,isnt looking likely to me right now as im having hot sweats and keep struggling with the bag of pills i have here and im waiting for the courage to tip them in the bin,keep thinking of every lame excuse of why i might need to keep them.ie.suprise mother inlaw visit...lol..where ill need all the tram power i can get,,,,but noooooo i wont,i cant i  must not,i cant go thru all this pain and go back,i live in ireland by the way and its nice to meet ppl from all over who r doing the same as me,i feel so alone here,my husband found out today for first time that i was addicted to tramadol,i thought it was a brave step to my recovery as i know he will be keeping a close eye to make sure i wont get any more pills,i knew that when i told him,so i feel very proud of that step,but he has no clue about the bag of evil pills i have and yes,prayer prayer prayer,its really the only real comfort i get now. cant believe how brave and strong u r to be able to go out shopping,keep it up,any excercise is supposed to help,im just trying to convince myself now,lol,txt u again tomorrow its 9.45pm here now,i feel sooooo tired and hope i sleep. bye

[donewitis]

LifetoLive: So often I read here about people getting clean and then refilling script and relapsing. I think it was Tramahater who made it sink in that if I didn't flush the pills, I was going to use again. I believed her and I got rid of them immediately after reading her comment. Another thing was calling 'the' Dr. I told her..that I no longer can be prescribed anything that is remotely addicting. After making that call while going through the w/d's, I was shocked at myself..but very quickly...grateful that I did it. It reinforced for me the fact that I was dependant on a bottle of pills and that I was  miserable. I am so thankful that they are not part of my life anymore. I have a choice today..haven't felt there were any choices for a long time. It's good.

[newlifeahead]

thank u life2live this is a journey we all must take eventually after we have abused oursleves for so long it is NOT easy u can do it too:) hey desperate so great to hear from u. I HEAR u on the drained energy and all that todya i felt pretty good getting up but a couple hrs into the morning it got BAD i forced myself to get out we went to get baby's halloween costume i am looking forward to taking him trick or treating for his first halloween and i will be sober and hopefully have a bit more energy. Walking throught he store for over a hr then home i feel like i have been hit by a bus and they backed up and kept doing it i want to scream too.. it gets frusterating u know u have all these days behind u and the immediate bad sick things r gone but these lingering feelings of extreme tiredness gets old too. I had big hopes for the weekend i wanted to get my house all cleaned and get the garage cleaned out w my hubby for the winter so we can get the car in exchange summer clothes for winter ones and so on i keep looking at my house and all i can do is go sit down:( anyway it will get better and for u too congrats on day 2 u say it isnt the running out of pills for u i gotta say that shows A LOT  of strength because i think prob half or more stop because they r sick of trying to get them for u to have access AND still quit is GREAT.... it gets better i know because of past exp i just have to kkeep looking forward and my knees bent literally in prayer. U CAN DO THIS stay strong for those babies u r young i am only 30 so i know i have been battling this for a LONG time it was the best life ever when i was clean for over 2 yrs

[desperatetobefree]

hi newlifeahead, im a mom of four and im on day two of my dettox from tramadol and codeine,it has been very harrowing and im so lucky not to have suffered so far from the leg problem,im just soooo tired and very depressed and anxious and every min is a literal battle to stop myself from delving into my bag of pills,my prob is that i can get them too easy and its not a matter of script running out,but my life is falling apart,i have a great husband and 4 amazing kids and im only 28,ive been using for 3 yrs and it started from a bad back(i know,pathetic),my life in the past year has been getting slowly worse and worse and ive been trying to delude myself into thinking its from everything else but me,but i was the only common denominator to all the problems,im soo glad ur doing this too and u have a lil boy,i feel proud of all users here who r doing this or have done it,its sooooo hard i wanna scream,the hrs seem to drag unbearably slow,i cant even think of leaving the house and wud luv to have the will power to overcome this fatigue thats killing me,i hope we can get thru this together and push each other forward everyday,we can do this especially since u know u did it before,,,,,,lets look forward to normality....ive forgotten what thats like.

[Life2live]

i dont have anything too useful to say but that I am proud of you for taking the plunge. You inspire me !

[newlifeahead]

i have tried those gles u use for back pain didnt really help cold seems to send my nerves into overdrive and they JUMP... anyway after my bath i decided to lay back down took a little to fall asleep but got another 3 hrs YAY i feel GREAT this AM i know there r ups and downs but not gonna think about that when i am having a up day:) hoping it sticks around ALL day gonna do some more work and get out of the house today. Hope everyone has a blessed day PLEASE keep poting because i need it i enjoy it and i look forward to it and please do not hesitate to tell me clean time and what u went through i enjoy  learning about others journey as well