I feel like i'm dying

[KirstenHere]

my hands are sshaking so bad i dont know if i can even type this. my story in short is about 5 years aog i started using darvocets for some pain i had in my ovary. i was on them for about 3 years wen ii finally took myself off cold turket. the withdrawls were bad, but not that bad. not as bad as this, thats for sure. i relapsed a few times but nothing major,  nothing that cause withdrawls that bad. back in june i started to take vicodin, have some medical problems and a lot of pain. well, 2 5/500 a days last for a tille while, then a few more, then few more, then u go to the ES, then you go to the 10/325...percs, oxy, morphine pills, you know the routine. I'm now up to between 12/15 vics 10/325 a day. if i can't get them, i'll buy percs or oxy, or morphine, whatever is availble...but my choose is those vics. I LOVE THEM! Oh i love them sooo much! They give me so much energy to do the tins i need to do. well, the other day ifound my self stealing a bunch from my own mother. one thing i have never been is a theif. after i took the last one i just sat and told myself...this is insane you have to stop. so here i am, day 2 and feel like i'm about to flippin die. all i want is a handful of those pills and i know all will be better...but i also kow i have to stay strong. i talked to my mom a bit ago and she knew i was sick...she said...oh, come over and i'll give you some vics. hahahaha, yea, i was tempted, trust me...i had to tell her that i stoled some and that i am detoxing now. wow, that was hard. she has been my main suppler. so, here i am, alone and feeling like i'm about to die from this. this is horrible!!! Id take detox from those crummy darvocets any day compared to this. oh, what have i done to myself? i do not want to do this naymore. and form what i can read, day 3 and 4 are better. HOW will i make it thorugh them? My hands are shaking,my body aches like you wouldnt believe, my stomach hurts, head, i have anxiety off the charts and i cant stop thinking about those stupid litle pills. my legs wont stop shaking...how do i make them stop? please, someone help me..and words will work for me right now. thank you

[bobby139]

Oh you poor thing, gosh i remember all that it is awful, i would put the ice hot on my legs and wrap them with ace bandages it worked pretty good oh and also would elavate them. drink alot. pretty much what eveyone has told you..
the main thing is to remember it is getting out of your body and you will feel great in time. It will end, just be strong you can do this..have faith... we are all here for you..post as many times as you want it helps.
god bless your doing great
bobby

[worried878]

Sorry for the shakes and all...hang in there..liquid imodium  helped me alot with the runs...take the imodium liberally to avoid becoming dehydrated and drink plenty of fluids....green tea is soothing to me and not stimulating if you have some...and like mentioned above...get out for a walk or some mild exercise when u can...it helps so much...releases endorphins and you will feel normal for a bit...hang in there...keep posting..if u r having to take the ambien more than once, try breaking them in pieces as a small dose can work as well as the whole tab sometimes...then take the other piece when you wake up in the middle of the night

[KirstenHere]

Puranx, I hope you read this. You have NO clue what your post has done for me. The thing about crying because you smelled grass touched me sooo much. It made me finally realize what this horrible drug has done to me. I want to cry when I smell the grass again. Oh, how I crave that  cry. Your words just kept going through my head today. I finally did cry...but I know there is more to come, much more. So, I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with me....it truly has touched me.

[KirstenHere]

Im still feeling pretty crappy...NOT excited for the next 2 days to come...infact, scared to death. My father inlaw gave me a clodopin (spelling) It really treally helped with my leg cramps. He gave me 4...2 each for the 2 worse days. Unti today, I knew I had to stop, but I didn' tknow why i did. I mean, they gave me energy, I felt great all day, ect. The money was becoming a problem though...but other than that, I really saw no reason why I had to....besides liver damage. Well, today I was in the car with my husband and we had it on a Christiain station, they played a song and I just cried like a freaking baby. I THEN realized why I had to quit...I stopped feeling. WOW, I have stopped feeling everything. I didn't realize that until now. I was just going through life pain free, getting my high, and life was GOOD. ....HA, who are was I fooling!?! MYSELF of course..sure not others.
Anyhow, I'm sure I'll be on here a lot tomorrow. Days 3 and 4 are the worse, right? What happens on day 5 anyhow? Whew, I'm scared...I'm glad I have you all.

[corey411]

Hang in there honey. I promise it will get better. You will get your energy back and you will remember who you were and like yourself alot better. You have to be strong and keep your mind as positive as you can. All of these people have been through this and they are all telling you it will get better. Keep posting to get the support that you need. Lots of luck and prayers to you. Corey

[done4good]

I know how you feel...hope you are hanging in there. I'm 7 days clean (minus 3 vikes on Friday) today and it DOES get better.
d

[noelangel]

A doctor friend of mine said put icey/hot on your legs or those heat patches for sore limbs,,she said it will work jst like the heating pads except ou can't walk around with those pads because of the electrical things...that is what i am going to try..

[Sarah231]

I hope you are hanging in there.

And YES, we have been there.
We lived.

Just remember, every day you're fighting more of that drug out of your system.

[Firefaery1023]

How are you doing?

[spacecadette]

hey..i'm so sorry you feel so crappy....we have ALL been there....it is awful, it is hard, and I know that every minute feels like it's forever.  I know for me that the nights were the worst.  I would have to stay on the couch at night becuase i tossed and turned so much that my significant other would NEVER get sleep...I would just lay in the dark, pin my hands down,  and and stare at the clock...minute by minute.....mind racing, body sweating....i thought it would NEVER end.  But i promise you that it will!!! And as hard as it is to stay positive when we feel so awful....It is absolutely amazing how you will feel when you look back and see how far you've come....you'll stop the dread of.."i have to get off of these someday...I can't avoid the withdrawl.....Where am i getting my next fix......can't go away for the weekend becuase i'm short on pills and can't get more till sunday...etc.." you'll no longer be a prisoner to these awful things......stay on track..post as much as you like...we're all here for you

[Firefaery1023]

Hey I  have fibromyalgia too.  My dr is going to do a lidocaine infusion on me May 13th to help with the pain non-narcotic.  Good luck with the cymbalta my best friend takes it and has great results.

[hopsing94]

Kirsten you need to sit in a hot bath tub for as long as you can and as hot as you can. Find a good book to read to pass the time. Vitamins and water.

[KirstenHere]

well, i do have one good thing going for me...i have fibromaygia...which is one reason i took the pain pills...but my dr. has started me on cymbalta, which is an antidepressant...i just started it esterday...so hopefully, all that anxiety and **** will go away because of this.

[kim715]

Everyone here has already given you all the great advice to help lessen the severity of your symptoms.I just wanted to add my support as well, as vicodin was once my doc.I can relate to what you're going through but your almost at the halfway mark so don't look back now.Soon enough the worst of the physical w/ds will lessen and become much more tolerable.You've made a great decision to stop,and you showed some strong willpower there not taking your mom up on her offer,and being honest with her about the situation.To me that says you certainly do want to be free of those pills and that kind of determination,along with support at home,and support and advice from the people here will help you to accomplish your goal.I'll keep you in my prayers.Hang in there.Peace.

[KirstenHere]

yea, i actually cried for the first time today...been a long time. of coures, i was crying in my own pitty, but crying nonethe less.
exexcise is so hard for me riht now...i can't even imagine going for a walk, the pain my legs feel, ugh! but i will try a little later i think.
thanks for all the great advice...i'm sure i'll be back here in a few. lol

[puranx]

im day 8 now...its mostly anxiety, i could give a f#ck about those pills at this point. This is far worse for me, now its trying not to take xanax or trazadone(low low dose) to coop with it. I want to keep as little interference in my system as possible. It does get better but there will be ups and down for 2-3 weeks but stay strong. I woke up and teared on satruday(day6) from the smell of cut grass. Please read that, thats how much a fog you been and i was in...life is so much more. Im here if you need any help. Theres lots of herbs that can help with sleep, like melatonin with valrein root, a calcium/magnesium tea called natural calm that helps me a ton. I have one to two a day. Stay away from caffenine and other stimulants though. Lots of fluids, easy diet. And please get some exercise, i had two to four hours of no wd during and after those times.

Wish you the best, im in hell too but its better everyday and some days not bad at all. The brains rebooting, dont fight it.

[KirstenHere]

and why when i go to the bathroom, its pure yellow? is this good or not?

[KirstenHere]

i love and hate the drug so much. i can't even remember who i was before this drug. do i like that person? or did the drug make me a better person? I know i had a lot more energy with that drug....i'm so afraid i'm going to get lazy and not want to do anything once i get past this detox.

[Firefaery1023]

I know you want the drug because it will stop these feeling but you won't be the same person that you were before the drugs.  Just try it for a little while and chech your inbox.

[KirstenHere]

so all of you have been throgh this? ohhh the cramps in my stomach are almost unbarable!!!!!!!!! oh i want to do this so bad, but i feel myself wanting that stupid drug more. this is horrible

[Firefaery1023]

Careful with the ativan my dad has been taking them for 30 years, but take it to help with the RLS.  I understand the pain but if you work those legs for some reason it feels better.  I think it is because it takes your mind off of it.  I am going to message you check your inboc.

[cathy5841]

oh yeah, and exercise.  i know you think i am crazy.  i felt the same way.  but, make yourself walk.  it really really doeas help.
cathy

[cathy5841]

i remember...take immodium if you have bathroom issues.  also put epsom salt in your baths an SOAK.  eat lots of bananas.  it all helps.  we are here.stay in touch.
cathy

[KirstenHere]

I can't even seem to get up, my legs hurt so bad. i have to keep running to the barhroom and that just kills me. i cant stand these shakes, i think i  could handle everything else pretty ok, but these ar killin me and the dang thins wont stop. i did take an ativan a bit ago which seems to have calmed my legs some, but they are still moving. my dr started me on cymbalta last week so im hoping in time that will help as well. i just want a quick fix now and ik know there is none except to take that evil pill. i really cant believe i have put myself in this situation again and worse. i do take ambian to sleep but that is only for about 2 hours at a time, i fond myself takeing one in the middle of the night and one in the morning...now i'll have to worry about getting addicted to that as well. ugh
sorry my typing is so bad, my hands are shaking like you wouldn't believe. thank you for your kind words.