I've been close to three months with anxiety, and I can feel it everyday. What started as one thought turned into a never ending wave of "what ifs" that turned a completely normal, borderline apathetic, young, invincible feeling teenager, into a constantly worrying shell of his former self.
I've been overweight much of my life since the age of 10. Never cared about how it looked on me, but there's always been that part of me who wanted to be healthier. I never dwelled on the thought though, or was prepared to take any drastic steps. My mantra was "I'll live my life by whatever makes me happy."
I've always been the victim of over-abundance of food simply because a taste causes me to want more of it. It was like, I wanted more so I could keep tasting the goodness of the food over and over again. Not really a food addiction, but a taste addiction. I never ate based on mood. That's what music's for.
Well, three months ago, we found out a close friend of ours was walking down the street with her young daughter, and just collapsed out of the blue and died of a massive heart attack. She was fairly large too, but was fairly active, unlike me who other than going places like school or the store, or whatever, pretty much has lived a sedentary lifestyle, exercising occasionally, but it was never routine.
The thought entered my head of what if. What if I'm next. I became scared. Then realized, I haven't had any tests done to know what really IS going on with me, so scared turned into constant worry. I started feeling it in minor ways, until I had my first panic attack on the way to school one morning. Since then, it's been a constant nightmare that has totally taken over my life, and is trying to destroy it completely until I've lost the will to live.
The thing is, unlike typical anxiety, it's no longer purely fear induced. It's physical. I feel it every single day, and it's how my body feels that causes the fear, and not the other way around, and my physical sensations keep me locked in this never ending cycle, that NOBODY has seemed to show interest in helping me get out of. I feel like the only way to get help is to wait until I'm totally suicidal and ready to end it all. Thing is, I'm too much of a pansy to actually commit suicide. LOL!
If I could cure all the physical symptoms that anxiety has unleashed on my body, I could EASILY cure my mind and part ways with my anxiety, but I just don't know how, and there seems to be a big lacking of information on getting rid of the PHYSICAL symptoms of anxiety. It's all about mental, and that's not where the problem is. That's where the problem takes me.
I need help, guidance, assistance, SOMETHING to help me take the right steps to getting my body back on track, so the bad thoughts in my mind will go away, because it's my body that feeds the thoughts.