Aa
Severe Anxiety over HIV and Symptoms
Gang - I am going through an extremely difficult time in my life and I have no one to blame but myself. Last April I made the biggest mistake of my life and slept with someone other than my wife. At first I tried to forget about it (for the first few months). I then found myself thinking about it constantly. The guilt was building everyday. How could I do such a thing and jeapordize losing my family over such irresponsibility? I think became fixated on HIV due to some unexplained symptoms (shortness of breath and cough). The more I researched the Net and the more I thought about it, the worse I became. I lost 15 lbs in a month, lost appetite, nausea, severe depression, mouth problems, skin problems....the list goes on and on. I have had 3 HIV tests out to 12 months after the incident and all were negative. My wife even tested negative and we haven't had sex in almost a year. I am still consumed by this thinking that my tests are wrong and that I am damned for what I did. I still have unexplained symptoms: persistent sore throat, muscle loss, severe fatigue. skin problems, tremors, muscle twitches, body zaps, stomach rumblings all of the time. I am currently taking 30MG of Lexapro and am on Coumadin for a blood clot I had in Jan (of course this just fueled my anxiety over HIV even more). I have started to see a psyciatrist and am starting counseling next week. Does anyone else have these kind of symptoms due to anxiety? I realize that anxiety can cause very real symptoms. But I also know that symptoms can drive anxiety levels. I really don't know what is happening with my body. I've always been a mentally strong person but I reall like I am going to lose it just about every day. Any feedback would be appreciated! Thanks.
it's goodbto see you express the happiness your family gives you. the two previous posters gave all the advice i could've given, but i wanna tell you something about myself. 11 years ago when my anxiety started, i didn't know what it was. it was so frightening with such harsh symptoms i was sure i had a very scary ailment, which i decided to research online since the er drs couldn't find anything wrong. almost as soon as i got offline my symptoms got worse. i was getting constant headaches, shortness of breath, the shakes, and countless other symptoms i read about. i was so preoccupied with these symptoms i lost 20+ pounds (also a symptom of the scary disease). when i started therapy and learned that these symptoms were also symtoms of anxiety, i started to feel better. as i continued therapy and started medications, most of the symptoms dissappaered almost as quickly as they came. i just wanted you to know you're surrounded by people who have been there, and many people who have found help in the steps you're taking. it's a big deal to get help so congrats! keep us posted.
Thanks for your response and feedback. It is very much appreciated. I will try to address some of the points you both made above. I am a 38 year old male that was extremely healthy before all of this happened. I am Catholic but not as religious as I should be but am working on that. My comment about being "damned" is that I feel, no matter what my test results show, I should pay for my stupidity and the pain I have caused my wife. Yes the guilt is overwhelming. So is the depression and anxiety. Lexapro has helped a lot with the depression piece. I am hoping the counseling will help me get my life back. Not just my life but my wife's as well. I did recently have my annual physical. Besides my Vit D being low and my cholesterol a tad high, everything else was fine. Today I have CT Scan's as part of the Blood Clot monitoring. This is all very frightening as you can imagine. Being hospitalized for what the Dr said could have been life threatening has taken it's toll on me mentally and phycially. I somehow think it's all related to what I did (despite the negative tests). The Coumadin I have been taking has taken it's toll on my body as well and maybe some of the symptoms are side effects......who knows. I do know that I have never felt this way.....ever. There are days where I just feel like I am wasting away.......no happiness. Well actually, the best part of my day is when my wife and daughter come home from school so I am happy for a few hours a day :)
Welcome to the forum! We are very glad you found us and I hope we can help you put some of this into perspective.
Going back a bit in time, when you had this, ah, liaison, did you use a condom which did not break? If so, then you were NEVER at risk for HIV.
You have also had three tests out to 12 months post exposure and all have returned negative, YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!
That your wife tested negative should give you additional peace of mind.
It is very common for people who fear they've been exposed to develope HIV anxiety. This fear can manifest itself in many negative ways. One of the most common is not believing their test results. You must understand and trust that the tests they have now are very sophisticated and accurate. If you still have doubts, then this will be something you need to discuss with your psychiatrist or therapist. Nothing I can say will convince you.
Researcing HIV on the Internet was a mistake. But let me clarify that a bit. There is a great deal of very excellent and up to date information about HIV availabe on the Net, but there is also a dirth of misinformation. One must be extremely careful of where they get their information.
When you became fixated, when your HIV anxiety, fueled no doubt by your guilt, kicked into overdrive, you began to develope a great many symptoms. (Which you probably found on the Internet) But anxiety can and does manifest itself in many real physical symptoms. And yes, many of the symptoms you've described are very common with anxiety and also depression.
Since you are now on Lexapro, I will assume you were honest with your doctor and disclosed the reason behind your depression/anxiety, as well as all the symptoms you are experiencing. If you were, he would have run tests to rule out anything organically wrong and the only card left on the table would have been anxiety/depression. But you do say that you still have unexplained symptoms and I strongly urge you to see your doctor about those. They can all be put down to anxiety, but we aren't doctors here and the only person who can give you a definite dx IS your doctor. See him and put your mind to rest.
As for feeling "damned" for what you did is getting into moral ground I chose not to tread. If this feeling is holding you back from moving on, I suggest speaking with your Minister, Priest, Rabbi..........whomever. My feeling is that you're human and you made a very human mistake. We don't judge people here.
I believe that what is happening to your body is all related to your intense guilt and anxiety. I still strongly urge you to get a top notch physical, but therapy is were you are going to find the ability to accept that you made a mistake, learn from it , forgive yourself and move on.
You are doing everything you need to to get back to being that mentally strong person you were before.
Be open and honest in therapy and prepare to do some hard work, and you'll succeed in getting your life back.
Please let us know how you're doing and write anytime you need to.
I wish you the very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
Going back a bit in time, when you had this, ah, liaison, did you use a condom which did not break? If so, then you were NEVER at risk for HIV.
You have also had three tests out to 12 months post exposure and all have returned negative, YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!
That your wife tested negative should give you additional peace of mind.
It is very common for people who fear they've been exposed to develope HIV anxiety. This fear can manifest itself in many negative ways. One of the most common is not believing their test results. You must understand and trust that the tests they have now are very sophisticated and accurate. If you still have doubts, then this will be something you need to discuss with your psychiatrist or therapist. Nothing I can say will convince you.
Researcing HIV on the Internet was a mistake. But let me clarify that a bit. There is a great deal of very excellent and up to date information about HIV availabe on the Net, but there is also a dirth of misinformation. One must be extremely careful of where they get their information.
When you became fixated, when your HIV anxiety, fueled no doubt by your guilt, kicked into overdrive, you began to develope a great many symptoms. (Which you probably found on the Internet) But anxiety can and does manifest itself in many real physical symptoms. And yes, many of the symptoms you've described are very common with anxiety and also depression.
Since you are now on Lexapro, I will assume you were honest with your doctor and disclosed the reason behind your depression/anxiety, as well as all the symptoms you are experiencing. If you were, he would have run tests to rule out anything organically wrong and the only card left on the table would have been anxiety/depression. But you do say that you still have unexplained symptoms and I strongly urge you to see your doctor about those. They can all be put down to anxiety, but we aren't doctors here and the only person who can give you a definite dx IS your doctor. See him and put your mind to rest.
As for feeling "damned" for what you did is getting into moral ground I chose not to tread. If this feeling is holding you back from moving on, I suggest speaking with your Minister, Priest, Rabbi..........whomever. My feeling is that you're human and you made a very human mistake. We don't judge people here.
I believe that what is happening to your body is all related to your intense guilt and anxiety. I still strongly urge you to get a top notch physical, but therapy is were you are going to find the ability to accept that you made a mistake, learn from it , forgive yourself and move on.
You are doing everything you need to to get back to being that mentally strong person you were before.
Be open and honest in therapy and prepare to do some hard work, and you'll succeed in getting your life back.
Please let us know how you're doing and write anytime you need to.
I wish you the very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
Glad to hear counseling is on your calendar. We recently tried to help another guy who was consumed by guilt over a similar mishap. We are all human; mistakes occur: we correct and move on. You are paying a high price for one sexual transgression. I'm assuming your wife is too.
Although it is possible for you to be really ill, in my opinion anxiety is the core problem. I've had all sorts of physical symptoms that are associated with agoraphobia. Lexapro is an excellent antidepressant; you may need an anti anxiety to augment it.
Therapy is in order as well: you can get through all this angst and be well again. Your guilt is way out of proportion to what is real. Are you religious?
The comment about being damned makes me ask. If so, maybe you'd benefit from a visit or two with your minister or priest.
Keep posting. We can be your virtual support group.
Although it is possible for you to be really ill, in my opinion anxiety is the core problem. I've had all sorts of physical symptoms that are associated with agoraphobia. Lexapro is an excellent antidepressant; you may need an anti anxiety to augment it.
Therapy is in order as well: you can get through all this angst and be well again. Your guilt is way out of proportion to what is real. Are you religious?
The comment about being damned makes me ask. If so, maybe you'd benefit from a visit or two with your minister or priest.
Keep posting. We can be your virtual support group.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Anxiety Community
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?
