Im tired of fighting suicidal thought because of living with so much anxiety and panic in my life.

[akeanureevess]

I cant handle this anymore. I had my first panic attack at 17 when I was kicked out of my house. I didnt know what real terror was until that day. I was sitting around a table with a couple friends and a couple people I didnt know and then once the panic attack started it seemed like everyone was looking at me and kind of like into my soul. I felt like everyone knew what i was thinking and was judging me. I have been locked in this state of mind ever since and now im 22. Some days are better than others but most of the days are bad. I startle so easily and I feel like Im living on the edge of sanity going back and forth. Ive had 2 panic attacks that were the worst Ive ever had equally. It seemed like every word everyone said was about me. I froze and couldnt move basically or breath. So I guess my question is someone help me because there is so much I want to do in my life but Im scared I may end up killing myself.

[hava]

The Yog Pranayam will  help you relax and also help with the anxiety. You will notice benefits gradually in weeks.
Build up your timing gradually. If you feel tired or dizzy, stop and resume after 1 minute.

Bhastrika pranayam - Take a long deep breath into the lungs(into chest not tummy) via the nose and then completely breathe out through the nose. Duration upto 5 minutes.

Anulom Vilom pranayam –
Close your right nostril with thumb and deep breath-in through left nostril  
then – close left nostril with two fingers and breath-out through right nostril  
then -keeping the left nostril closed  deep breath-in through right nostril
then - close your right nostril with thumb and breath-out through left nostril.
This is one cycle of anulom vilom.
Age over 15 years -Repeat this cycle for 10 to 30  minutes twice a day.
Age under 15 years -Repeat this cycle for 5 to 10  minutes twice a day.
You can do this before breakfast/lunch/dinner or before bedtime or in bed.Remember to take deep long breaths into the lungs.You can do this while sitting on floor or chair or lying in bed.

Bhramri Pranayam -Close eyes. Close ears with thumb, index finger on forehead, and rest three fingers on base of nose touching eyes. Breathe in through nose. And now breathe out through nose while humming like a bee.
Duration : 5 to 11  times

Once you are better, continue the pranayam once a day.
This is a very natural method without any side effects, so do not give up before 12 weeks.
March 7, 2011

[AM1995]

If you're afraid that you might hurt yourself, you need to get IMMEDIATE help!!  Call your doctor and make an appointment - see if they can offer suggestions/recommendations for a good psychiatrist and maybe some medication to help you cope.  Whether you know it or not or believe it or not, many people would be distraught by your life ending.  Panic attacks are horrible, but you have to keep in mind that people do not think less of you for having them.  I have had minor ones when out in public so I understand that feeling of thinking everyone knows or can tell - most people probably don't have a clue.  
My heart goes out to you... I hope you find something/someone to help you deal with this!!

[ghostrat]

Can relate very well  to your story-.
Quick resume.
At age 16 I got run over by a scooter. (ended up in the hospital)-
Then i started having some minor symptoms for all kinds of things. . . (latter to be symptoms of anxiety)-
I got in a fight too many with my moms boyfriend, so at 17 I left home.
I lost my girlfriend, my 2 jobs and my education.
Nothing fun there.
But was only two years ago I was explained too what anxiety was, and that I suffered it.
Now im 24 and havent been on the work market for 2 years.
But unlike you I wouldnt dare think the thought of killing myself.
I respect life to the fullest, and even if its crappy now, it can only get better from here.
But have you been to therapy ? Or you on meds? (some meds can worsen your thoughts about suicide. But dont stop meds before talking with your doc)
And what degree of social life do you have now?

There is nothing to gain from suicide, and everything to lose from living.
And I would rather lose with the ability to gain, than have no chance of gaining.

[AnnieBrooke]

Taking medication is better than suicide, and it can really help.

[alsky]

you will overcome your obstacles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.  It will take time and patience but you can do it.      You need to speak with a professional for starters.   If you havent found one you like- keep looking !   Many have been where you are and have overcome it.       Its not easy but you will be stronger and better than ever for doing so.  You are not alone !!!!!!!!!

[shyboy18]

Im going through the same thing as you. Everyday I live with anxiety and I even stopped going to school because I  also have agorophobia but going back to school tommorow. I dont want to go to school because Im afraid to go out of the house. If I dont go my parents will have to go to court and I dont want that. Im currently going to therapy and taking medication.  I now how you feel because I had a panic attack last month. And tommorow is going to be hell for me at school. I think you should go to therapy and maybe take medication. But just know your not alone.