disturbed thinking

[DJ873]

hi fellow sufferers. my story is long so won't post it now but have a specific situation. i have been a longtime sufferer and have let thought and emotion rule my life to the point of occasional bouts with agoraphobia. My question today is, i have isolated one fear that keeps me from doing things, the fear of running into my sister. after being very close we had a huge fallout 3 years ago. now i am constantly worried of running into her and having no control over my reaction. I can have a scrpt for my external reaction but internally I know it will trigger things that will bring me down so i guess my question is, how to not get completely taken down by something that is bound to happen if I don't keep myself isolated as this is a very small town.

[DJ873]

i have another question, i took .25mg of klonopin for 2 weeks, decided i don't want to take it, do i have to ween off at that dose?

[DJ873]

thanks nursegirl, and no it would not be a fist fight. we very much disagreed on what was best for my aging ailing mother. So I ended up, my husband and i, caring for her for a full year with no sibling help, only help we could afford to hire, as she was 24/7 care. anyway, i had to beg to even get her hair cut from the sister that held the purse strings. just a sad frustrating experience and i am alot younger than my sibs, my mom had me in her 40s so i was spoiled and didn't realize just how much the other 6 resented me even being born until she was ill and dying. this has caused serious anxiety and depression, i have been in therapy the last 3 years and have extended that olive branch to keep my side of the road clean, twice actually, so the ball is in her court. i just don't want to have a melt down and fall back in my attempt at recovery. each day i wake up with a battle of thinking i am crazy and broken, agoraphobia was my go to. i spend much of the day praying, begging sometimes, and meditating trying to ground in the present moment and allow and accept these feelings and thoughts as only that and let them pass. that situation is not my only anxiety hell. I am aware that my thinking patterns and emotions are ruling my life and am giving all i got to retrain the brain lol :) thank you for your response and support. I thought I had let those feelings rest and accept the past as the past but as i try to venture out without my support person, those are surfacing. thanks again!

[nursegirl6572]

Well, actually, this is one of those fears that is kind of justified.  Who wouldn't be worried about that in that situation?  What you have to do, is keep reassuring yourself.  For one, even in a small town, the likelihood isn't that great that you'll run into her any time soon, and if you do, it won't be very often.

Also, remember that we always dream up far worse scenarios in our heads compared to the reality.  So, what if you DID run into your sister?  What's going to happen?  You'll feel that quick surge of anxiety, feel a little shaky, and then it's over.  It's not like the two of you are going to get into a fist fight (or at least I hope not!).  She probably feels the exact same way, and will probably avoid the places she knows you go (as I'm sure you do the same).  If you see her, you can just ignore her, and move on with the task at hand.  If you feel uncomfortable, go to a different section of the store/building, or last resort, leave.  In these situations, it's almost better to get the experience out of the way, so you stop fearing it.  I think you'd be surprised at how much you've built this up in your mind.

Lastly, I'm not sure what the falling out was about (and you don't have to share), but life is awfully short to lose contact with people who are important in our lives, let alone our family.  Maybe it's time to extemd an olive branch and try to repair your relationship?  That would be a win-win for you, because, you get your sister back, you can feel at peace that you're no longer fueding, and you don't have to worry any longer about bumping into her somewhere.  Just something to think about.

Best of luck!