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1012810 tn?1260749658

irrationals and whatnots

ok so i have been tapering off of my zoloft for about 2 weeks now because i thought i didnt really need them. BIG MISTAKE!!!! i dont want to do anything but lay in bed, my anxiety is sky high, and my irrational thoughts are driving me crazy. the major irrational thought that is driving me nuts is about suicide. i know what you are thinking " hurry up call crisis response, call 911, something" but its not like that. the thoughts are running through my mind making my anxiety go nuts and scaring the hell out of me, but i dont want to die. im not saying " oh the world would be better without me, or im not worthy of life".. its more like im gonna do it, no im not, yes i am, no im not. and then i wonder if it actually came down to it, would i be able to stop myself? the thing is, i dont want to die, i want to get better. its just so hard... so i guess basically what im wondering is if anyone else has had these thoughts, and if so how do i stop them from being repetative??? any help would be appreciated. thank you,
nikki
10 Responses
1154065 tn?1262184706
hey nikki,

well I can't say I have outloud had suicide thoughts, but someday's because of the repetitive nature of the symptoms I say "I can't take it anymore" and subconsciously I think would I ever end this to stop this bc its so frustrating, but the truth is, as hard as it all is, and as scary as death is to you and me...life has to be lived one way or the other, and think about the soldiers in Iraq coming home without limbs and suffering far worse than any of us are, and in a very real way, where we suffer in more of a mental state...I guess what I'm saying is to win this fight we need to rebuild value in ourselves...find something you love to do, meet someone new whatever it can be, for me I have starting meeting new girls, and playing a lot more guitar, and now starting to stretch and exercise, not that they are going to heal me, but to tell my brain, regardless of whats going on Im going to live right now, and live every day by the moment and don't look ahead so much, be happy that your alive now and today, and soon we'll realize that its either we feel this way for the rest of our lives bc were organically fine, or that we defeat this troubling opponent.  You have to want to win to beat it, Im struggling, trust me Im not trying to preach Im more or less venting but staying strong is truly the only way.
1012810 tn?1260749658
thanks for the fast reply,
im trying every way possible to not look ahead so far! and trust me i really do want to win this battle and have my life back; its just so fricken hard!!! i try to force myself up and out of bed and i try to do things but i soon find myself right back under those covers again.. i would be absolutely fine if the repetative thoughts would stop. im pretty sure i could handle all the rest of it pretty well.
Avatar universal
Hi Nikki. Sorry you are having a rough time again. I know exactly how you feel though. I have been there. Those thoughts are awful. I know what you mean. It's like we would never actually kill ourselves but the thoughts really do scare the hell out of you when they come up. It's like a battlefield inside our heads. It's been a few months since that has happened to me thank God and I could do without it ever happening again. You can make it through this. Try to push yourself to get out of bed and occupy your mind. I know sometimes that's easier said than done but it will pass. Just hang in there. You know where to find me if you want to talk.
1012810 tn?1260749658
thank you so much hun. it makes me feel better knowing that im not the only one that has this issue! how long did yours last? its been a while for me, like 3 months now. im trying to get them to go away and its soooo hard!! but im trying lol. im glad that you made it past them.. that gives me a lot of hope. thank you for your reply, i will definately be writing you a message!
Avatar universal
Mine lasted for probably 3 or 4 months off and on. Somedays I would be fine and others they would hit me hard,but they seemed to subside greatly after a day or so or continuous torture. Then they would come back. I hope you start feeling better soon!!!
Avatar universal
You are suffering major withdrawal.  If you want, you can go back on the last dose at which you felt fine and then taper off more slowly.  Tapering schedules depend on the   individual, not on some generalized chart.  Otherwise, if you choose to tough it out, try taking a healthy dose of fish oil and, if you're not on other meds, some people find that taking St. John's Wort helps.  Taking a benzo for a short time might help as well, and there are herbal relaxants as well.  How long this will last no one can tell you, because for some it's really easy and for others it's interminable.  Hope yours is okay.  Get out and do some exercise and let yourself be "sick" for awhile, but if it goes on too long, get back on the med and go off more slowly.
1012810 tn?1260749658
i was having all these problems before i even went off the meds. so i dont think its withdrawl. yes withdrawl could be making it a lot worse at the moment, but its not all withdrawl. i am tapering. i went from a whole to a half for a week then to a quarter of my pill for last week now i am supposed to stop them all together. i honestly dont think i am ready so i have decided to go back on them.
thanks for all the help everyone! and mama23babies, be expecting a message from me very soon!
676032 tn?1315674063
Believe me your not a lone! i have these thoughts and more.. When im busy I feel ok but now that its x mas and Im off college they are creeping back in!!! We just need to be strong and believe we can get better!!!!

Because if the thoughts can go into our heads then they can also leave! with determination and hope!!!

All my love
Jen xx
1012810 tn?1260749658
thank you so much for your reply hun... good to know im not by myself on this one
1154945 tn?1262238945
I have been having trouble with suicidal thoughts too. They are the same... I don't think I would ever do it, but at the same time I'm scared that I am going to lose control and do it without thinking. It's horrible. I only hope I can get over all of this. Good luck to us both.
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