Scared sick

[Jen1967]

Last Wed. a breast surgeon told me I might have cancer and if I do I need to get a masectomy. I found a lump on the outside of my left breast the beginning of this month. I was expecting my period and I just had stopped nursing 2 months ago so I thought it was hormonal. It didn't go away so I called my gyno and she sent me to get an ultrasound. While getting the test they had me immediately go get a mammogram. They found a 2 cm mass and pre-calcifications (as the gyno said) all around it. So I saw a breast surgeon 2 days later and he was very blunt. He said he "didn't like what he saw" and did a needle biopsy right then in the office. I won't know the results until next Wed whether it's cancer or not. I am freaking out - and so is my mother. I have 4 little kids under 9 years old. I am so scared of leaving them. I know that nothing is firm yet but by the way the surgeon talks it doesn't look good. He said that if it's not bc then he will do a lumpectomy but a huge amount of the breast will be taken out. I will also need chemo and/or radiation. If it is bc then I need a masectomy. For 3 days I have been nauseous and can't eat - all I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about it. My husband was on a business trip while this was happening and I have been here alone with my kids. My mom has been over trying to help take care of us all but she is so upset it's not good for me - I have to tell her it will be ok. The first day after he did the biopsy they never told me to take it easy  when I got home (I did laundry and picked up the baby)  so that night I had to change the bandage by myself and I nearly passed out on the  bathroom floor. I kept getting cold sweats and feeling like I could throw up. That has subsided but I guess it was my mental state controlling my body. My breast is all purple and bruised. I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking of my kids and all the plans we had - they are getting done school soon so that wont be an issue but my husband works so much and he isn't home a whole lot so I will have to depend on friends and family. I feel like I just want to hibernate in my house. I dont want to go out or see anyone. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I nursed all these babies for a year each - I thought that was supposed to cut the bc risk by 10% each. Ha! What a load. The other thing is that 20 years ago I had a lump there and bleeding from the nipple. The breast surgeon I went to - who was apparently one of the best in Philadelphia - took me off the pill and I never had a problem again. But why didnt my gyno tell me to get a mammogram earlier? Was this lump hiding all this time and because of my hormonal shifts and stress (from moving into a new-yet unfinished completely- house) flared it up? I am so crazed with worry. I really needed to let it out. I read Tracy's whole post and found it very informative and the women that responded were just wonderful.

-Jen

[darcytwin]

i dont want to scare you even further, but my experience was almost identical.  i had a bleeding discharge, took me off of the pill and told me i was fine...3 yrs later, i had bc and a mastectomy.

now for the good news!  it is okay, really....i dont lie (except about shopping to my husband..)  you need to go thru your stages of grief and freakout....BUT then you need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and fix it....im not saying this to be mean but just to give you a reality check.....

you have kids...they still need you...a loss of a breast doesnt make you any less of a woman, wife or good mother.  you CAN do this...depression isnt going to make it go away or any easier to deal with.  you ARE strong...you are  a woman...and we can do anything!!!!

my mantra was ''suck it up''...and to look at the funny side...you have to find the humor in it...after you do that, then hopefully you will find the goodness and the joy in every other thing in your life.

im here for you and so are a lot of other people...take one step at a time and deep breaths...

please dont hide yourself from everyone who cares about you..you need them and they will want to help you...let them.

sorry if this seems a bit rambly...i dont mean to be brash or rude..i just want you to be okay...not only physically but mentally too...its a lot to process in a short period of time..but you CAN do it...i promise.

im here for you!

Darcy