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Where do we go for help?

My son is 25.  He still lives at home.  He was diagnosed with no short term memory when he was little and that he learned in an unusual manner (can't quite remember what it involved).  He did not talk until he was about 2 and when he did it was in full and detailed sentences - more like a 6 year old.  He was also diagnosed with ADHD and was several types of drugs but none helped but instead had negative side effects.  His school years were difficult with no friends (he had a tick that destroyed any relationship) and his grades were low.  Special ED was no help, in fact a hindrance emotionally.  He was, and still has an aversion to large crowds, loud sounds and bright light.  He can't seem to keep a job now with a memory problem of being able to perform and all of a sudden forgetting things out of the blue.  It's like "holes" in his memory.  He also does not hear you the first time he is spoken to - whether it is not wanting to (also very stubborn), hearing problems or mentally where he is so involved he doesn't hear anything.  It has always been an issue of whether he was stubborn or whether he just didn't "get it".  There are so many more little things to add but not enough space to write. He DOES have the ability to learn and play card games very well and he learns computer games quickly.  He was, and still is very tactile.  He also has a kind and loving heart.  I don't know where to start a diagnoses so he can get a job (and life) accordingly.  Maybe Asperger?  On another and final note:  his father may be slightly dyslexic and I have the same holes in my memory problem to a lesser extent.
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