303406 tn?1204905529

son with AD/HD complicated by ODD

Good Wednesday morning
I have a son who is 11 will be 12 in January.  3 years ago he was finally diagnosed AD/HD with ODD, and of course has sleep disorders.  He is on Concerta for AD/HD and has just recently had a low dose of Ritalin added for homework time, and has just started taking Melatonin for sleep.  I have set in place an intervention plan at school for his school work or shuld I say the absence of his school work and in 5 weeks he will be evaled to see if he qualifies for EC services.  I think I have school wrapped up.  With that said...
Home is a different story all together.  The behavioral difficulties at home are horrible.  I UNDERSTAND he feels comfortable melting down at home.  But the melt down affects everyone.  I have just become involved with an organization in my county called Family Support Network.  It is to assist families with special needs children find the services needed for the family and child.  Of course I am following the line of suggestions.  But the red tape is so thick!  
Until I can get the person in charge of the behavioral plan in place...    WHAT CAN I DO?
I have no idea what I'm doing.  Discipline does not work.  Grounding is a joke to him.  The power struggle is sometimes not worth it.  I feel like it would be easier just to let him stay up all night on a school night than it is to get him to bed.  It would be so much easier just to let him hurt his little brother than it is to get him stopped.  Of course this is not the case.  I do all I am able to do.  and the struggle goes on.  there are nights that he is still argueing the bedtime issue at midnight when it began at 9:30.  And at times he does hurt his brother even when I am pulling him off  he just goes right back to hittinig him.
I did forget to mention    he is in counseling one time a week.  He has a psychiatrist.  It's just that the red tape is so long!!!!!
Any suggestions on how to get a grip on the chaos in this home?
I know this is the short version and there are many things you do not know about us but any suggestions would be appreciated.
Tahnks    Judes
8 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
I think letting him stay up all night would be great.  That won't last long - about one night of that,  and he'll learn that's a really bad idea.  Just say you can stay up however long you want,  you just have to stay upstairs.  (Or in his room,  whatever).  You can watch tv,  read books,  play video games,  whatever,  just don't wake the rest of us up.  See you in the morning.  By the way,  you do still have to go to school in the morning.  

By the way,  I think a late afternoon dose of ritalin is not worth it,  even if it gets him to do his homework.  I'd go without the homework rather than that kind of stimulant that will keep him awake into the night.

The next line you wrote,  although you immediately took it back,  is a concern for how low energy you are right now.  The fact that it even crossed your mind that it would just be easier to let him hurt his little brother - you really do sound like you are running out of steam and are about to lose the battle.   To me,  this is the most important part of your whole post - the hurting the younger brother.  The thing is,  children learn their self esteem largely  from their siblings.  There are some studies that show that how their siblings treat them impacts children more than how their parents treat them,  even.  How amazing is that?   So this bullying has got to stop.  

How about if you set up a REALLY great outing for next weekend.  REALLY great,  go to a large amusement park,  or something your older son would really really look forward to.  And say I really want us all to go as a family,  won't that be fun,  I can't wait.  BUT.  We're only all going if you can get along with ____ this week.  You start with 5 checkers,  and you lose one checker for every mean thing you do to _____.   At the end of the week,  if you have any checkers left,  you can go.  If you're out of checkers,  you're going to the babysitter and just he and I are going.  

Either he'll do great or you go without him.  No screaming,  no fussing,  just do it.  Same thing next week.  He'll quit acting that way soon.

Best wishes.  

Avatar universal
The medicine is impacting his ability to sleep. Get an IEP at school that states that due to ADHD he should have minimal homework and do not give him the last dose of Ritalin.  Make sure that he takes a warm bath with Epson salts (very cheap and available at local drug store) before bedtime and no TV for about 3 hours before bedtime. Make sure he gets lots of outdoor exercise.  See if this works.  It did work for the sleep issue with my child. Time-outs if he hurts his sibling and rewards (verbal and material such desert or extra time with you) if he is nice to the sibling. Read the SOS for parents book. Good luck.
303406 tn?1204905529
Thank you for your replies.
I have beentrying to get EC services set up at school for my son.  Of course the red tape includes 5 weeks of intervention plan before he can be tested.  I do however have the light at the end of the tunnel, although dim as it is.  I have secured an appointment for him with a different pshyciatrist to re-evaluate him on November 14th.  I have not been please with the care he has been receiving from the pshyciatrist he has been seeing.  She doesn't listen to us, one of those that goes by the book instead of what is really happening.
As for the suggestion on an outing.  that is a great idea.  I have tried other versions of this but I think the checker idea is a great one.   With my son it is always a power struggle.  But I never thought that if he had a visual to help him "see" what he is loosing it may make a difference to him.
The sibling violence is going to be one of the biggest issues addressed with the new pshyciatrist.  I have very real concerns about this.  Please don't think I am ok with it.  I'm not.  I just sometimes think if he saw what could really happen instead of me telling him what could happen it may make him think before he does it again.   But I would never allow it to go past the first hit or push.  And you are correct about siblings being impacted by the treatement of other siblings.  My youngest son that gets the brunt of the anger, is also LD and ADD with Social Anxiety.  Tada!!  So when big brother beats him up  he feels worse about himself.  Of course he is always trying to be the peace maker when my older son gets manic.  My older son was on Clonidine for the mania and sleep disorder, but it caused such vivid nightmares, it was worse than no medication.
I am happy to report that last night was a dream come true.  He got his Melatonin at 6:00pm and was "READY" for bed at 10:00pm.  It was the easiest night in     I don't remember an easier night to tell the truth.  He has always been a difficult child.  At birth he was a screamer, and has continued with the attitude up to this date.  I know that sounds like a HA HA LOL   but I'm serious.  He was an extremely fussy infant and toddler.
I am so grateful that I found this site.  I found it by accedent.  I was looking for an information website suggested by one of my group members and found this instead.  I'm happy with it!
Now, the children go to their fathers for the weekend.  They go after school today.  Their father does not make sure my son takes his medications.  He does not assist with homework.  He is a heavey drinker and smokes pot.  I have told DSS (Department of Social Services) my concerns but they informed me that until there was a law prohibiting alcohol use they couldn't do anything to keep them from his care.  And he refused to take a drug test for them,, so they have 0 proof of the drug use.  So my hands are tied.  I have to allow them to go.  Boy that burns my you know what too.
My sons do not watch tv.  we have one.  It was used for video games and Thank goodnes the video game is broken!  They do spend a great deal of time outside.  we are in a rual (spelling?) area so they are able to spend time stomping through the pastures, catching frogs, looking for lizards....
After school they have 30 mins before homework.  Then dinner is at 5:00 every day.  No excuses for not being at the dinner table!!!!!!!!!  Then 9:00pm is bath and 10:00pm is bedtime.  NO if's ands or buts!  The routine is the same even if they are here on the weekend.   And my son with the sleep disorder has stayed up for 4 complete days before... attending school, keeping active, (football player as well as musician), without missing a beat.  I got worn out but he was fine.  So giving him permission isn't really necesary, his body just does it on it's own.
Thank you so much for your input.  I know I get a bit windy but there is so much to tell.  I assume you do to.  Thanks for putting up with me.
303406 tn?1204905529
Well good Friday morning!!!
I went for the Jam and Java at one of our local coffee houses this morning with the FSN group that I meet with every Friday morning.  It was uplifting as always.  I received some leaflets on communication skills to use with the school.  It seems I have irritated one of my sons teachers with my constant communication.  so I asked the program director for some information on how to be more effective in communicating with the school team.  Guess what!  It seems that I have been doing what has been written in that leaflet.  I just wonder if I am being too omnipresent for this teachers liking.  Oh well!!  I guess maybe I should back off of her    no I don't think so.  I do think I need to rethink my stratagies with her though.  I guess in some instantces I have come across too aggressive instead of assertive.  
So any ideas on how to approach this teacher?  She is the one who has less problem with my son because she doesn't give much homework and it is science so he is interested in that class.  She just doesn't like me constantly giving suggestions on how to reprimand him when he seems out of sorts.  He lost his book this week.  I put in a simple request to please provide another until we could locate that one.  I didn't get a response from the e-mail request.  He didn't bring home another book either.  I guess I got a bit more agressive in my next e-mail stating that he received no assistance in being able to do his reading assignment for that book, and that I felt some of his instructors had given up on him.   She seemed to take that personally and "told" me in her e-mail not to send anymore e-mails until the team meeting.  I heard "SLAM" of the communication door.  what should I do now to smooth this over so the communication opens back up?  I don't want to go into that meeting next week with her having a prejudice against me thinking I'm hard to deal with.
Have an excellent Friday... It's the weekend!!!!!
13167 tn?1327194124
Judes - you sound like you're doing better!  Good deal.  Hopefully things will start to look up for your son.

Is the team meeting coming up soon?  I would print your emails with that teacher,  and say something about how grateful you are for the meeting,  bla bla bla it's good to have clear communication.  Put the emails down on the table and say you know she would like to stay informed of different changes and request,  it sounds like email isn't the best way,  what is the best way to communicate a question?  And smile sweetly.  

Best wishes,  and have a good weekend.
303406 tn?1204905529
Yes thank you I am feeling much better.  I have had a few good bedtimes and some time off from the situation with my son as he has been with his dad since Thursday after school.
I hit a frustration wall with his Father this afternoon when I went to check on the homework situation for Monday morning.  His father doesn't think anything is wrong except he needs "a good a#% whoopin".  So explaining all the things that are in place and what is required of us as his parents is like explaining it to a 3 year old who only wants a cookie a dinner time.
But I have come to the conclusion that I can not make him be an active part of this so I will continue on the positive track and if he catches up fine and if not fine.  The boys will get the quality education they have the ability to acheive and I will be their biggest fan and cheerleader.  And when they walk across the stage for graduation I'll know that they got the best available and I didn't let them down.
Thank you so much for the advice about the communication.  I will most certainly do as you have suggested.   But if you knew me...  you would know grinning and bearing it is not my strength...  LOL.  But for my son  I certainly will.  I was told by the guidance counselor on Friday that the meeting was going to be Wednesday but my son's counselor can not make that time so she is trying to accommodate the counselor so she can be a part of this meeting.  but I was assured it would be this next week for sure.
I'll let you know what is going on with that.
Thanks so much!!
316755 tn?1207984283
Finally!  A parent whose life sounds just like mine.  I have a 9 y/o daughter with ADHD, ODD, PTSD, mood disorder, anxiety disorder, depression and anxious attachment disorder and a 4 y/o son w/CP.  I have every service available, but the school doesn't listen to a thing I say, they just nod politely and do whatever they want once I leave.  The counselors think I over dramatize just how bad it gets sometimes and there are days I just want to throw my hands up, but I keep going.  Last night my 9 y/o had to have the police come to the house because the kiddy crisis service was to busy to send anyone and she was getting very violent with me and she started throwing bummy poop at the cop.  He threatened to arrest her and she laughed at him.  Neither of my childrens' fathers are involved.  As for the teacher, try a traveling notebook.  It's a little more personal than email and it just goes back and forth with your child everyday and all the teachers can leave a positive message or comment or question and you can respond.  It's a nice way to have a log as to day to day events and when you go into the meetings you have proof of whats going on.  It's been my experience that when you get into those meetings that teachers get amnesia and suddenly your child isn't hiding under the desk or refusing to stop talking.  They have no problems with them at all, it's just a family problem.  We just went through this on Friday and the social worker bought it hook line and sinker until I asked to see the weekly progress notes that come home.  Ahhh, then it was oh, I forgot about that and yes, that did happen.  You have to keep notes on everything.  Good luck and I hope that your meeting goes better than mine.  I feel better knowing I am not the only parent who is going through this.  Amy  
303406 tn?1204905529
Well...   more missing homework reports from my son's teacher.  I know he is doing it.  I sign off on it every evening.  His guidance counselor at school prepaired a binder for all of his subjects for homework and school assignments.  He has a place in the binder to put his homework to hand in when he gets to class.  But some where it is vanishing.  He says he is handing it in.  she says he is not.  So where the heck is it?  In his little words... "What the heck?!"   The longer we wait on these stupid tests the more 0"s he is getting.  We just entered the second 9 week grading period.  He already has a 0 grade point average for this grading period.  So... What the heck?! indeed.
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