I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!! IM CONSIDERING SUICIDE!!!

[wostar]

hi, i am really really at my lowest today i just do not know what to do anymore, it is so bad that have sat here for the last hour thinking of ways to end it all. In may 2008 i had an unprotected one night stand with a bisexual male that sleeps around alot, i also found out later that i had chlamydia at the time of exposure. We had sex for about 5 minutes and he ejaculated inside of me. I had no symptoms at all and felt completely healthy untill september/october that year my symptoms where:

flu like symptoms
headach
very severe joint pain in the knees and elbows
sore throat

when the other symptoms dissapeared i was left with bad pain in both of my knees, the hurt to this very day (almost 2 years on) they are worse when i am restin and eased by exercise. however i have started to get even more symptoms and i am now experiencing

bad fatigue
white fingernails with a small band of normal colour at the top
Still have the knee pain
reccurent mouth ulcers (i have a huge one today)
the other day i woke up and my tongue was grey at the back and still is now.

I am in a complete mess i have a 8 month old baby who has the same fingernails as me (they are also white!) i have a violent bf so i can no way talk to him at all, he would flip. I am severely phobic of any type of needles (pins) i cant even look at a photo of them with out feeling faint so i cant test. The only thing keeping me here at the moment is my son or else i would have ended it already, but i am seriously starting to think he is better of without me as a mother anymore. PLEASE PLEASE help me this is my last resort, i have absoloutley NO ONE to talk to at all about this!

[jelyse]

How can u be certain it will be positive? No one can no for sure unless they are tested. Calm down get the test and deal with the results when u get them. if have such bad anxiety about this isnt it worth facing ur fear of needles? I would think it is. everyone takes certain risks when having sex but part of being an adult is choosing who we sleep with and what precatious we should take to best protect our health. u made a mistake but everyone does and now u are really beating yourself up over this. All u can do now is accept u put urself at risk and now u are going to get tested and go from there. HIV isnt the end of the world and u probably dont even have it. But u wont    

[Rob73!]

No probs.

[wostar]

Thankyou, yo have really helped me. i feel much better now.

[Rob73!]

I would urge you not to sympton surf. It offers nothing good and only re-inforces your most negative thoughts. I say this out of personal experience. It's nearly midnight, so there is nothing much you can do tonight. My advice would be to get a good nights sleep. And make an appointment with your GUM clinic on Monday morning.

[wostar]

i know, thanks its just being able to build up the courage to go and test, im so scared of the result. and everyone of my symptoms i type in google comes up with hiv. i know its not good to be checking any symptoms i just cant seem to help my self.

[Rob73!]

No it doesn;t have to be infectious. You are getting way ahead of yourself here. I can;t and won't specualte as to what is the cause, but please be aware that it could be a million and one common or garden things. Get tested. Find out your status and move on It is the only wya you will be able to move on from this.